March 25th, 2006


(no subject)

dear girl.
i just wrote an entire really hateful letter to you.
it felt good to get it out, but i dont need to post it.
although you seem to find it neccesary to include me in your myspace you hate me so much.

(no subject)

dear mattie
after all these years, you still manage to drive me crazy.
the day we started talking again, i was thinking to myself, "wow i wonder how mattie has been?" and there you go, i/ming me , telling me how much you miss hanging out.
my thoughts?
exactly the same.
i missed being with you the most.
its been fucking amazing hanging out with the for the past three weeks, even though you and i do not want the same things.
i never said i wanted a realtionship, i just want your words to match your actions.
friends with benifits + cuddling all the fucking time= very confused me.
and to tell you the truth, i fucking love you dear.
i do
i can't let you go.
when you dated kaylyn and i was so happy for you. i was happy, becuase if i wouldn't have convinced myself of that, i would have been deeply depressed. i'm not excited you two broke up, but its nice to see you all the time now.
i love the way you joke with me too, even though i act like i hate it, i fucking love it.

oh boy, we've done it again, havent' we?
youve got it all mattie-all of me anyway.


(no subject)

Dear whoever can get the ball rolling on this,

I want

long lazy weekends, all encompassing complete joy, a happy family, a full life, every day good weather, great big reassuring bear hugs, love that lasts a lifetime, everything true and real and genuine, to fall in love, to know what true love is, my heart to beat faster and slower, to just know, to have a beautiful wedding, a career and lifestyle- not just a job, to stay in the single digits, to be really kissed, to be completely swept off my feet, a husband who cooks and understands life's value, to never think that I know enoug, to always learn and be willing to learn, to travel, a honeymoon in Rome, someone who will surprise me with Swedish Fish and Reeses, to dance under the moonlight, big swishy dresses, to never lose myself, a son, flowers in my hair, to always remember, pictures, for the moment to feel real, a puppy, sunflowers and orchids, someone to cuddle with, red ballet flats, an amazing future, to be beautiful, independence, inexplicable chemistry, power and respect, a Prom date, memories, long eyelashes, a boy with green eyes, big smiles and dimples, to get accepted to UCSD (check), to be carefree, to experience every oppurtunity to its fullest, feel like I have no regrets, to be more honest, nutella, an N'sync comeback (haha), to be warm, to be satisfied, friends for always, a really good massage, to read more often, to appreciate poetry, inifnite possibilites, understanding, unlimited spending, vacation, choices, a pretty new house, success on my own terms, incredible spring days, an even better summer, graduation, to make the next few months really last, a job, summer romances, whirlwind excitement, reconciliation, the best year of my life.

Sounds good?

Let's see what we can get done,