I'm living in your letters.. Breathe deeply from this envelope

dear girl.
i just wrote an entire really hateful letter to you.
it felt good to get it out, but i dont need to post it.
although you seem to find it neccesary to include me in your myspace you hate me so much.
yes I AM SO COOL.

dear mattie
after all these years, you still manage to drive me crazy.
the day we started talking again, i was thinking to myself, "wow i wonder how mattie has been?" and there you go, i/ming me , telling me how much you miss hanging out.
my thoughts?
exactly the same.
i missed being with you the most.
its been fucking amazing hanging out with the for the past three weeks, even though you and i do not want the same things.
i never said i wanted a realtionship, i just want your words to match your actions.
friends with benifits + cuddling all the fucking time= very confused me.
and to tell you the truth, i fucking love you dear.
i do
i can't let you go.
when you dated kaylyn and i was so happy for you. i was happy, becuase if i wouldn't have convinced myself of that, i would have been deeply depressed. i'm not excited you two broke up, but its nice to see you all the time now.
i love the way you joke with me too, even though i act like i hate it, i fucking love it.


oh boy, we've done it again, havent' we?
youve got it all mattie-all of me anyway.

forever,
stiner

Dear whoever can get the ball rolling on this,

I want

long lazy weekends, all encompassing complete joy, a happy family, a full life, every day good weather, great big reassuring bear hugs, love that lasts a lifetime, everything true and real and genuine, to fall in love, to know what true love is, my heart to beat faster and slower, to just know, to have a beautiful wedding, a career and lifestyle- not just a job, to stay in the single digits, to be really kissed, to be completely swept off my feet, a husband who cooks and understands life's value, to never think that I know enoug, to always learn and be willing to learn, to travel, a honeymoon in Rome, someone who will surprise me with Swedish Fish and Reeses, to dance under the moonlight, big swishy dresses, to never lose myself, a son, flowers in my hair, to always remember, pictures, for the moment to feel real, a puppy, sunflowers and orchids, someone to cuddle with, red ballet flats, an amazing future, to be beautiful, independence, inexplicable chemistry, power and respect, a Prom date, memories, long eyelashes, a boy with green eyes, big smiles and dimples, to get accepted to UCSD (check), to be carefree, to experience every oppurtunity to its fullest, feel like I have no regrets, to be more honest, nutella, an N'sync comeback (haha), to be warm, to be satisfied, friends for always, a really good massage, to read more often, to appreciate poetry, inifnite possibilites, understanding, unlimited spending, vacation, choices, a pretty new house, success on my own terms, incredible spring days, an even better summer, graduation, to make the next few months really last, a job, summer romances, whirlwind excitement, reconciliation, the best year of my life.

Sounds good?

Let's see what we can get done,
Me.