March 20th, 2006

connor O

betrayed...

I thought that being betrayed by a friend was just them talking behind your back.. or not keeping one of your secrets... I never once thought that one of my friends would go and attempt to make out with my boyfriend while i wasnt around... then you go around making up that you guys slept together.. Well I think that you are wrong.. Plus... Hmm don't you have a boyfriend? Where was he when you were running around the hotel naked..and making out with every guy in site? You are nasty.. I can't believe that some one would do any of the things that you have done in the past week.. OH and nice lie.. We just took a cab together.. Pretty sure i asked him..a nd since he is actually honest, he told me exactly what happened.. there was no cab involved... SO u sent me text messages from the trip.. Saying "wish you were here.." was this before or after you tried to seduce my boyfriend? Hmm.. You have really fucked things up.

I know this sounds really immature, But i want to call your boyfriend and tell him every thing.. I probably wont. BUt i really want to.. I dont think its fair that im the one in the situation that did nothing wrong.. But im the one that is in pain.. You should lose him.. He deserves better. I have absolutely no respect for you.. You are also a coward.. Do you honestly. think that you could avoid my calls forever? Do you really think that i wouldn't have found out about this some other way?

Any ways.. You are pathetic and do things for attention.. at least i dont need to run around naked giving my bras away to guys for attention..I have class you dont.. You need a life.. BYE
  • Current Music
    James blunt (cause he is the best)

(no subject)

world,
i'm tired of hearing girls yell at me for trying to lose a few pounds. im so sick of it. what if i just want to have a lowfat yogurt for lunch? why is that so awful? it's not like im capable of actually losing any weight anyways. maybe i just dont wanna feet bloated as shit while im at school. people take it way too far. and im sick of another thing. im sick of people bragging about how much they eat.. people do that stuff all the time. just shutup already , i don't care.
awesome.

(no subject)

Why do you have to continue to fucking lie to me?
I really like how you apologized to me though.
Everything you said.. was a lie.
You then went on to call one of my friends.
You know.. the one you said you wouldn't talk to while we went out.. but still did.
We even had a talk about it.. you never told me that you did.. until after we broke up.
Hah. Wow... I'm soo over you.
You're out of the picture, out of my life.
But you still found a way to get in my life...
I really think this whole thing is humorous.

Don't call me.
I don't have my phone.
Next time you do & my mom gives me my phone.. I'll hang up. That's a promise.
I don't want to hear excuses. I don't want to hear apologies. They're all lies.
You proved that to me.

All I'll ever think of you as is a heartbreak & a liar.

(no subject)

Why do you have to continue to fucking lie to me?
I really like how you apologized to me though.
Everything you said.. was a lie.
You then went on to call one of my friends.
You know.. the one you said you wouldn't talk to while we went out.. but still did.
We even had a talk about it.. you never told me that you did.. until after we broke up.
Hah. Wow... I'm soo over you.
You're out of the picture, out of my life.
But you still found a way to get in my life...
I really think this whole thing is humorous.

Don't call me.
I don't have my phone.
Next time you do & my mom gives me my phone.. I'll hang up. That's a promise.
I don't want to hear excuses. I don't want to hear apologies. They're all lies.
You proved that to me.

All I'll ever think of you as is a liar.
You're full of heartbreak & betrayal.
People

(no subject)

What is wrong with you? You call me a "heartless bitch" when all I do is care about other people. You said that I didn't care when my dad died. How the hell would you know if I cared. Of course I cared. I know I hated him but that doesn't mean I didn't care about him. Just like I hate you for doing all of this shit behind our backs but yet I somehow still care about you. You know nothing about me. You think you do because my mom tells your mom shit about me and then she tells you? You've got it all wrong little girl because my mom doesn't know most of the stuff that happened and anything I feel. You'll never know what my life is like and how dare you post things I said on your livejournal and then switch it around so I look like a shithead? And what the hell. I never hit you and I never would hit you. I NEVER even THOUGHT about hitting you. You need to stop lying to all of us and just tell us how much you hate us so we all can move on and leave you all alone in your little "gothic" room with your alcohol and your lies.
  • Current Mood
    pissed off pissed off
me

(no subject)

dear laundry,

I'm glad you came home with me for spring break and saw my family. It's easier to open up when you know my background. Money has always been an issue in my life. I know what it's like to not be able to afford things you need. Don't get me wrong my parents did their best. we always had food and a house. it might have been the cheapest meal possible but those were some of the best. I know what it's like to see my parents give up everything so that I could do lacrosse or go someplace. Now with college I went some place really expensive that was out of state and far away. it's a struggle. I can't hide that stress from you because it does play into everything I do. I honestly don't know how I'm going to manage to stay here and that's hard to know. I don't want to ever leave you and you've made offers for the future if I need the money buty I don't want to have that happen. i don't want you to have to carry me through the rest of my live. I know I'm not picking a profession that's going to make me a lot of money but I'm set to live with the bare essentials.

you keep mentioning kids but I fear that in some ways. I don't wnat to bring a child into the world and have them go through what I've gone through. I need you to know that money is a problem and I'm obsessed with saving money for the far off future even though currently all my savings are about to go into my tuition for this year...that leaves me the summer to find a way to make a lot of money just to pay for part of tuition for next year. I should have at least another 2000 if I don't get my car fixed and bring it down here. which will help some. and then if I continue to work like 10 hours a week next year plus if I do that tutoring class that should be some more money even if it's at most 500 for the semester that's still 500.

I'm sorry hon for this stress you didn't know you were geting into. it's just all become more relvant after seeing the price of the cirque du soleil tickets your dad bought for us and anna and lukus and your parents. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to afford that and I guess I'll have to adjust to that idea.

know that I will do anything(withen the law) to stay here with you
Love you always,
homework

don't call my name out your window, i'm leaving

randy,

why??

not you. you of all people. who, even though i know you have problems && i know your methods of dealing with them are very very similar to mine, always told me how stupid suicide was.

so why are you the one laying in the hospital bed until friday, unable to see any of us??

i've only ever felt like i had a semi truck hit me square in the chest four times in my life. when i realized i never had another chance with wes, when nik && chris moved, when tommy moved && then today when ben told me that you were in the hospital for od'ing.

never would i have thought.

&& maybe that's the problem. maybe we were all to busy wrapped up in our own lives that we didn't see it coming. i'm sorry, randy.

we failed you.

but we love you. i can garauntee that we do. scott, bobby, ben, tommy, amanda, rachel, emily, ali, hannah, && i, to say the least. && the very fact that as i sat in school today i kept going over && over in my mind that you could be gone from my life in a fucking instant. SNAP! just like that. gone. && none of us would have known why.

i hate that they wont let you see us, nor speak with us. which is really fucking lame. you're friends are your family. not the people who put you in the situation where you'd feel this is your only way out. the ones of us who are there for you day after day, concered about your life, about your well being, about your health. we're your family. i just really hope you got the message i left. && i really hope you know that it's true.

i fucking love you, kidd.

don't ever scare me like this again.

-bek
*****


scott,

quit being such a douche.

i know tommy's your friend. i know we're fighting. but you don't have to treat me like an insignificant speck of nothing when he's around.

go fuck yourself up the ass.

i'm getting tired of you again. one of our friends is in the hospital on suicide watch && all you seem to be able to do is rub it in my face that you have secrets you can't tell me, that you love tommy, && that he doesn't love me.

fuck you.
-bek
*******



ben,

thanxxx for telling me. scott never would have. you're amazing.

don't be so cute. or make me hug you.

i don't want to like you. cos all that does is lead to trouble.

-bek
*****




God,

watch over randy.

don't let him become undone.

let him know his friends love him.

&& always will.

-bek
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firefly<3

(no subject)

dear boy
it scares me to think that this is love.
because i feel weak as fuck.
and i have a secret.
whenever i really miss you but dont want to bother you, i just call my voicemail and listen to you tell me you love me.
i am so obsessed with you it's horrible.
i feel like i'm that weird girlfriend that bothers you all the time, and im really sorry if i am.
i just get so scared sometimes.
especially when i see you and 10 minutes after i leave i miss you.
and i cant stand talking on the phone because i wish i was talking to you in person.
uuuuuuuuughhhh