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Tuesday, March 14th, 2006

Time Event
Someone please tell me what is wrong with me,
I feel like I am going to die.

I have been ill for three weeks.
Strep throat two weeks ago.
Now it's my stomach.
I can't keep food in.
I don't have an apetitie at all.
My legs, arms, and back, are KILLING ME.
It hurts to move and walk.
My throat now feels like it's closing up.
All I do is sleep.
I always have a headache.

I really can't deal with this anymore.
I cry everynight because of it.
Someone help me?
Dear ___ ;
Please stop ignoring us. your ruining the friendship all by yourself, are you that blind? cant see how hard your making it for us? you devote all your time to him, your best friends have simply become jewels to wear on your arms while hes away. Im suer that sounds like an exaggeration but you can ask just about anyone. they will tell you the exact sam. My opinion on him is what id love to say to you in the flesh. but i dont have the confidence nor would i do it because it would most likely hurt you. Dillon is a great friend and all but he doesnt seem to make the right desicions and your VERY easily influenced by him. The things he does..i shall not say here. Lately youve been saying ot me your sick of him, are you really or do you miss your jewels? Have you finally noticed thatd we left you in the past? We are getting sick of being ignored. being used. being taken advantage of. Just think things over and figure out your problems that you think has dissapeared. I think your losing your sight more each day; before you know it you will be blind.
xox. one of the supposed bestfriends.
This is to you: I wish I could express to you the way you make me feel. You have the ability to bring out the best, the worst, the most intense emotions inside of me. You've shown me every flaw, every weakness, every insecurity I had hidden away from myself and the world. I allowed you to break down my walls. I allowed you inside my heart. I showed you the interworkings of my mind. Sometimes I think you know me better than I know myself. I'm so predictable when it comes to you. We've been through so much. You've been there through the worst and absolute best moments of my life. You have given me a shoulder to cry on, someone to confide in, someone to laugh with, someone that always understands. You make me want to be a better person. You make me want to change myself into whatever it is you want me to be. When I think of our relationship a million different emotions flood my mind. I'm so confused by us presently. I feel betrayed by you, by everyone. Sometimes I feel like there is no one in this world that I can trust. I wish there was a way for me to know the truth. To know if you really love me, to know if the terrible rumors I've heard are true, to know if you want this to work in the future, to know if I'm just a back up plan for you. You are the only person in this world that makes me feel beautiful, loved, needed, appreciated, secure. But you're also the only one that can make me feel jealous, cynical, broken, empty, drained. I just wish I knew where you stood in the whole matter. I wish I could communicate to you my thoughts. But I feel like what we had, what we could have in the future, is just far to big for words. I hope our plans to be together in the future work out. I hope I can overcome my fits of jealousy, my doubts about the past, my tendency to do the exact opposite of what you want. I'm hoping you can show me that it's okay to trust you again, that I don't have to worry about the rumors, that you love me unconditionally. I know I expect a lot of you, but you are the biggest part of my life, you are my best friend, my other half, my inspiration, my motivation. I wish to someday experience the type of perfection we once had before everything became too much to handle. I love you. And I know you love me. I just wish there was a way for me to be certain that all of this effort is worth it.
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