March 4th, 2006

(no subject)

him,

once upon a time, there was this girl. she was very intelligent, charming, funny, spritly && sweet. but throughout her entire life, she had never known an ounce of stability. her fairytale was just that. a fairytale. there was no prince charming to save her from the big, scary, firebreathing dragon, no knight in shining armour to rescue her from the witches tower, and all her life, she dreamed of escaping, finding some even ground for stable footing, thought she'd never admit it. her best assest was her strong front, a solid facade for her to hide behind. though well intentioned && good a perciving the world with a positive attitude, she always managed to get involved in things that eventually, lead to her breaking completely. she was 14 at the time.

once this happened, she had given up the positive outlook on the world she had. she had lost her rays of hope that she had managed to cling to for so long. her personality began to fade until she felt empty, a shell of a person with no soul inside of her. she didn't live. she only existed. she felt she had been cheated to many times, stabbed in the back by those she loved to many times, lied to, used, abused, to many times. she felt tattered && torn, losing her will to fight for the things she so strongly believed. this state of mindless living, pretending to be alive lasted for three years. she was unsure if she would ever snap out of it. those three years had been hellish ones, too. starving, self mutilation, sucide binges, lying, drinking, smoking, stealing, completely self destructive behavior that has been responcible for the destruction of so many lives. she was sure this would be the end of herself as well, for she saw no way out.

but then, when things seemed to be spiraling downward quickly, three years after her heart had been broken, shattered like glass, rode in her white knight, in the nick of time. slowly, they became friends, until they became the best of friends. he saved her life time && time again, being there for her when no one else was. she began to see the good in things && people again. she started to enjoy waking up && being alive, something she hadn't been able to do for three years. everything seemed good. everything was good. for once in her life, she had someone she could count on, someone who promised to always be there for her, to never let her down, to never hate her, use her, abuse her, or destroy her. she knew what it was like to laugh && smile again. it completely amazed her. all the emotions she thought she had been void of were suddenly springing back into her life. then it hit her.

she was in love.

he had told her that he had feelings for her as well. but everytime they were going to get together, something came up && prevented it. but it was okay, our heroine had faith that fate would work something out && after many failed attempts, it did. they were finally together. she could walk on air, she was positivly dreaming. her life had done a complete 360 degree flip in the past six months. she couldn't stop smiling && couldnt remember the last time she had felt this way.

but alas, it just wasn't ment to be. the two lovebirds broke up && not on very well terms either. but after one very dramatic evening, they spoke for the first time in a week. she had realized she couldn't live without him, even if it was just under the friendship pretense && he had been feeling terrible for what he had done to her. they decided it wasn't worth losing their friendship over && things quickly picked up where they left off. she had her best friend back, the only person who ever actually ment something to her. the only person with enough love in her that he could unfailingly save her pathedic life time && time again.

then she had to leave for the summer. for two months she was away from all of her friends, including her white knight. but they spoke every night for those two months. she missed him terribly. she had been considering moving before she left && a few weeks before she left, he handed her a letter. in this letter, he asked her to return. he told her that he was sad they wouldn't be together over the summer && that she was the only person he actually cared about. he told her he loved her so much.

after that, she knew she couldn't stay, even if the move would have proved better for her in the long run. she just couldn't leave him behind. how could you leave someone you felt so oddly connected to, so drawn to?? she just couldnt. so she promised she'd be back.

&& eventually she did come back. the day after she returned, he came to her house. she was literally shaking, she was so nervous to see him! it had been two months without his face. she felt she could burst with happiness.

she was home again.

but these two people seem ill fated. it seems that nothing good can truely last between the two of them.

because here they are now, a little over a year into their friendship. despite all the past troubles, heartaches, betrayles, && lost love, everything seemed to always work out in the end. except for a couple of weeks ago.

they got into a fight.

he takes his anger out on her, though she doesnt deserve it.

this time, it was to far.

nasty things were said.

our beautiful girl who had finally rebuilt her life, who had finally learned what it was like to belong, was told to rot in hell && that he never wanted to see her again.

her pride was disbanded, her heart broken into a million little pieces, like a sheet of shattered glass.

she had lost the only thing that ever really mattered to her.

&& he didn't give a damn.

she felt as though she died. as though her insides had burnt && withered && she was left with nothing but memories && wondering where the fuck they went wrong.

tommy.

where the fuck did we go wrong??

the rose to his thorn,
love always,
her