February 19th, 2006


(no subject)

Wow, ok Last like 2 days I've::
-Come to terms with my inferiority complex
-Accepted being average
-Cried way to much
-Accepted that I have reached the point of no return, and I am happy about it
-realized that For one of the first times in my life, my actions didn't competly ruin everything. In a twisted sort of way, they made things better.
-No longer stayed some scared little girl who questions everything she does and/or says
-realized i Still care about people even though I shouldn't, but realized that that makes me the better person
-Realized that I have some of the best freinds that any one person could ask for
-Realized that their is no point in being self concious, becuase you are the only person in the world that looks like you, so you can't compare yourself to anyone, so you the most beautiful person ever.
-realized we can't compare ourselves to people, they are differnt people. Everyone has their stenghts and weaknesses
-realized no one won or 'got the guy' becuase the guy doesn't want anyone.
-realized that for once, being best friends with the guy I liked didn't screw me over.
-realized I am better then I give myself credit for
-realized that NO ONE can do what I do, becuase I do it.
-realized that their are more important things in life then what we see
-realized everyone is hiding something
-realized that I am a bitch
-realized i am also one of the nicest people you will ever meet
-realized that I have serious anger bottlement issues
-realized that I have gotten alot better in dealing with the bottlement anger issues
-realized that mindless TV and Coca-Cola Zero does wonders for the mind
-realized that I cant mope about things, becuase everything brings back memories. And I can't discount those memories, I have to accept them. and realized that I loved them. They made me happy then, and they will make me happy 20 years from now, when I am no longer thinking about the bad. I cant discount freindships just becuase they went bad. Those things helped me realized who I am and how I got here
-realized I can't live without seeing my brother for more then like 6 hours at a time.
-realized that most people dont get what I mean by half of this, but that some people do. and that makes it all worth while
-realized that I don't care about fighting anymore.
-realized dieting sucks butt.
-realized that I dont care what people know about me. I am sick of hiding things or keeping them from people. It is way to hard to keep stuff from people.
-realized that things will fall into place eventually
-realized they already started
-realized that looking perfect is vastly over rated
-realized that I need to stop and go sleep becuase sleep is good
-realized how irrational I am, and that I need anywhere from 1 hour-3 days to calm down before I can address any situation with at least a semi clear head.Otherwise, God knows what kind of things will come from my mouth
-realized I am a myspace addict
-realized I am a email addict
-realized I am a livejournal addict (xpesically quote_whore &&_letterstoyou_ )
-realized that that is ok
-realized that I should have realized alll this a long time ago

so yea, I am done. Woo. That felt Good. ♥

And I saw a shooting star last night...

i wish i knew what happiness was.
i wish i knew how it felt to be loved.
i wish i could accept my flws and be proud of them.
i wish i understood how people work.
i wish i never got into fights.
i wish "sorry" could still resolve problems.
i wish insults could be taken back, always.
i wish hearts could never be broken.
i wish love was perfect.
i wish no one would ever had to live through heartbreak.
i wish i could find the one.
i wish friends stayed friends forever.
i wish people were never talked about behind their backs.
i wish eating chocolate really did make you feel better.
i wish a good substitute to caffeine existed.
i wish that wishing on stars really worked.
i wish that wishing at 11:11 actually worked.
i wish that i could go back to my childhood knowing what i know now and enjoy every second of it all.
i wish chick flick endings were somtimes realities.
i wish lying didn't exist.
i wish that no one could ever be judged by what they wear or how they talk.
i wish people's opinions of me didn't matter.
i wish you'd just stop killing me like this.
i wish i could trust someone completely and totally.
i wish i could never be hurt.
i wish you never walked away from me.
i wish i knew what happines was.

(no subject)

I'm fucking bored.

I want to have sex.

I want to do drugs.

I want to get drunk.

I want to go out and get in trouble.

I want to change the fucking scenery.

I want something other than what I have now.