January 23rd, 2006

Why Then?

You ask me to come over to watch a movie and then when we start to watch the movie, you fall asleep 2 minutes into it. I know you have been taking Bendryll for what happened when you went to the hosptial..but why? Why did you want to me to come over to spend time with you? We woke up in the morning and I could tell that you finally slept the entire night. You woke up maybe once! When we woke up together, you went upstairs to make me breakfast. That was so sweet and I knew right then and there that I couldnt be mad at you. When we were eating you told me that you slept so much better than you have in weeks. Aww..was that because I was there? I am so confused...help me understand you. Help me understand "us"
connor O

(no subject)

WoW.. this has just been an emotional rollercoaster lately..

First I loved you and only you,
Then i decided to move on,
It had just been too long
I was sick of waiting..
Then i found him,
He seemed amazing.
Then he lied to me.
Now I'm back at square one.

Okay, I haven't talked to him yet about lying to me, cause we haven't been able to see eachother lately. But he invited me to his little brothers bday party the other day which was super cute. I couldn't go cause of work... I talked to you on sunday and you wanted to hang out cause the night before you couldn't sleep so you spent the night thinking about me and missed me. That was really amazing cause the night before i was up until 4 doing the same thing. We have some mental connection or something? Who knows. Today you were so sweet to me, Im trying to keep my distance, cause i keep getting my hopes up and not much ever seems to happen. I'm getting sick of waiting around. Its been the hardest thing to get over you, and every time i think im making progress i fall back down. Starting to feel for some one else really helped alot. I don't even know where i stand right now. I am lost and confused. I dont want to hurt any one. Him lying to me really had an impact on the way i feel, i mean honesty/trust are the best parts of a relationship. When i was with you we were friends for a long time before we started dating so that made it easier to have a stable relationship, i told you absolutely every thing. You never lied to me. It was great. I don't know if i ever will be able to find that again. I really hope I can. I know you still love me. I could really tell today (that sounds conceited, But i can just tell cause i know you so well.) We really need to talk things over. I need to hear you say that for sure nothing is going to happen with us, instead of this inbetween stuff.
I love you.. But i need to move on if nothing is going to happen.

"Losing half a year.
Waiting for you here
I'd be your anything."

Its not even funny how much that line relates to me... It actually has been 6 months since we broke up.
  • Current Music
    Death Cab for Cutie - i will follow you into the dark
FOTC - Shakers!

(no subject)

Dear ________,

Lately I've been overwhelmed with this lust.
It's not like me to feel this way,
Whenever I watch a romance
In movies, on tv, in books
Sometimes it's uncomfortable,
It's like, I want that.
I want to fall in love,
I want to spend time with him,
I want to hold his hand;
touch his lips..

And I have this great fear that it will never happen.
Not to me. No.
I'm just plain and not much to look at;
eyebrows un plucked,
teeth not that dazzling white like in the movies,
the pudginess all over me.
But I don't want to have to change for that.
But I want that.
I don't know what to do with it; that feeling...

I don't know who I'm telling this, that's why it's blank up there,
I didn't know who I should tell about this, without feeling uncomfortable,
So I decided to tell... the world?
  • Current Music
    Play Crack The Sky
sufjan

where do we go from here?

when life gives me songs, I make a soundtrack

1.the fray- over my head
2.james blunt- you're beautiful
3.straylight run- hands in the sky
4.nightmare of you- i want to be buried in your backyard
5.i am the avalanche- green eyes
6.panic!at the disco- there's a reason why these tables are
numbered honey, you just haven't thought of it yet.
7.gatsby's american dream- theater
8.the all american rejects-move along
9.paramore-pressure
10.yellowcard-lights and sounds
11.plain white tee's-hey there delilah

So, I'm best friends with this kid Nate, I have total feelings for him.
Not to sure how he feels and I think he is the reason for some of the songs on my new mix.
Like the fray, nightmare of you, james blunt, i am the avalanche, plain white tees, and pressure.
High school is a disease
  • Current Music
    the white stripes- denial twist