January 15th, 2006

(no subject)

dear kid
okay. you were a cutie. thats no lie. but i'm glad what happened. i think i just miss love was all. and i'm glad what happened. i think i'm going to wait until college to date to tell you the truth. only becuase there is still a part of me that says "youre not ready" and until i see a boy and think "i'm ready" i wont be. but i think i know why i'm not. but its okay. i hope everything works out. youre a great kid.
love a girl

dear friend
I forgive you. maybe one day i can say it to your face. but until we cross that bridge I'll keep it written here. I'm sorry.
love a friend

dear good friend
i'm sorry i'm mean sometimes. really. i dont mean it. i wish i knew myself better sometimes..
love a not so good friend

and lastly

dear boys
i'm sorry. for anything and everything. really. for those i dated, for those i've ditched, for those i waved to. for those who have fallen in love with me. I just want to apologize for the way Ive acted. Really.
love a girl


okay one last one haha

dear physics
good ridance. plzdiekthxbai.
love the art student
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    cold cold

Heather.

I don't cry. The last time I truely cried was almost three years ago.

Can I tell you a secret? I cried tonight. I cried tonight for you.

I realized tonight if any person in this whole world deserves to live, it is you. I've never told anyone this. My faith was wearing thin for a very long time, but once I found out you were sick, I started to pray every night for you. I lay in bed everynight and ask God for you to be okay. I don't ask for anything else but that. I have this terrible fear everytime I don't see your name online. When I don't hear from you for days I can't sleep. When you first got sick we thought it was just something simple. The motion sickness on the bus, not being able to keep down food, the weight loss. We never thought of what we would hear within the next few months. You got diagnosed with Crohn's Disease and we were all happy they finally were going to be able to make you better. You started missing more classes and then you just stopped comming in all together. You called me every week and kept me updated, but then you got sicker. The doctors knew something wasn't right. Turns out your intestines were twisted, we all thought the sugery would make you better. Little did we know that what they found while they did the sugery would change us all forever. Cancer. You had cancer of your liver. You being Heather had the most positive out look on it and still do. You told us all you are going to beat this till the end. Your long beautiful hair had to be cut off, you were fine about. Smiles on your face the whole time. You started the Kemo in hopes of reducing the tumors. No one knew how bad they were yet. We didn't know if the cancer had spread. After intense rounds of Kemo we awaited the news. You were able to stop into class. You are beautiful. Of course you are still the same old Heather, with an attitude as big as Texas and stubborn as hell. The Mrs. Jennings told me what the rest of the class still doesn't know. The Kemo didn't work. That means you can't have the sugery to remove part of your liver. The tumors were too big and the cancer has spread. They just did their last resort, Kemo straight into your liver though a tube. I am waiting for the news on that. I am sitting at the edge of my seat waiting. If this didn't work, then they give you six months to live. You're seventeen years old and you don't deserve this. You are the most amazing girl I have ever met in my life. I love you beyond words and I would give you my life. I don't think I have ever seen anyone so postitive about something as terrible as this. I will keep praying for you every night. I will never give up on you, because I know you are never going to give up on yourself.

Heather, you are amazing and I love you. You are going to beat this cancer, and I am going to be next to you through all of it. The good, the bad.

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    Rascal Flatts - Skin