i spent four years just ... moping around after you.
i spent a lot of time trying to think up ways to tell you how i felt, to accidentally run into you at school, at the train station, to get a third party to weasel information out of you. juvenile, immature, but that was the only way i could deal with my infatuation. it sucked.
i'm pretty sure i was in love with you.
i really don't want to be thinking about you all the
i require closure. i haven't seen you in over a year now. despite that, there literally has not been a day when i have not thought about you. not one. everything and anything reminded me of you. even other guys reminded me of you because i would inevitably measure them against you. i'm serious, not one day...everything makes me think of you, and i wish it didn't. i was idiotically pleased when i was named a school councillor just because you were one too. i was again idiotically pleased when i got to take media, because you took media too.
i just want to know why i liked you so much, and why my giddy memories of the stupid short times we spent together won't go away. from an outside perspective, the "stuff" we shared was platonic and meaningless. we never kissed, we never saw each other outside of school (except once at rockit when my heart leapt into my mouth at the sight of you, and then i spent one 45-minute set hanging out with you, then beetled away in fright), we never seriously discussed "us"... because there was no "us", was there?
the only serious thing we ever shared was when i walked out of the house after a large fight with my parents and tried to go to school as upset as i was. i blubbered all over you, as i recall. possibly the most embarassing and public display of weakness i've ever experienced, and you were there for it. why? TWIST OF FATE UGHHHH :P
i'm pretty sure you didn't like me at any stage and actually...it was kind of cruel not to do anything about it. that hurt. but i suppose you didn't know what to do. i wouldn't know what to do in that kind of situation either, except run away like i usually do.
i don't know if i should say that i want to see you again or if i never want to see you again.
i'm starting a new life now. i ... still don't know if you should be part of it, i mean, just in my memory.
i remember you, more than i should, i think.
i don't know what to do. but i want to say thank you for unconsciously making me happy for four years.
that letter was just ... fahrked >_< ugh.
you make me so happy. but please. slowly. i've already explained to you that i feel uncomfortable with people touching me, yes, even you, boyfiend... occasionally. i also don't like it when you tell me a) how "beautiful" i am, and b) how much you love me while you're drunk. dear, i appreciate the sentiment but...sober. please. i like spending time with you. but i fell in love with your sense of humour and how you could argue with me forever without it getting personal. please keep talking to me. messing around on the couch is good and all, but i can do without it (because i don't like being touched...see?).
and we're not having sex until i'm goddamn ready :P
love you as much as any hormonally driven 17 year old girl can love,