December 31st, 2005

i'm not...

Ben

"Maybe I’m just wrong
Feeling the way I do
Thoughts indescent
Want to propose them to you"
We've been talking on the phone alot and just hearing your voice is amazing...you are so smart...and your so gorgeous and with all the history we have...its intoxicating to share my thoughts with you and have you add things that I would have never thought of. and the way you joke...you're so funny it kills me.
I love you
I always have
yet we manage to have that air without saying a word.
she's pretty..she's nice...she's talented...and she loves you.
i would never betray that..ever...I would never ever make you cheat or let you cheat on her or any of your other girls you'll undoubtedly go through. I know what its like to be without you or to feel cast away, I never want any of them to feel that.
I think it would offend me if you asked me out...no I KNOW it would offend me.
because at one time you promised me that you would love me no matter what happened and I see it.
whenever I'm sad...whenever I break down in one of my letters to you, you let me know you still feel it...but you never do it in writing, somehow its not good enough. you say it. you tell me you love me just like you did then.
a gesture that...by anyone else would mean nothing...but to us...it is everything.
so cliche.
but I've decided who I'm dedicating my book to.
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