Dearest Derek, whose not so dear any longerTell me again the ways you want to kill me;
I can’t remember all the promises
And they’re the only safe memories I have of
you and me.
Look at me again with that contempt glazing your eyes;
I can’t re-grow all the loathing
And it’s the only armor I have against my
Lack of judgment.
Hold me again in your right hand;
I can’t adjust without my pulse racing
And pooling in the wrist where you held
Talk to me again, the way you only did in the dark;
I can remember your tender discourse
And the way we stayed
Too bad your high can’t keep you warm at night.
The end of my love,
your girlfriend is actually a bitch.
i dont know how you do it.
New friend, aquaintence, what have you...
I'm not going to tell you because deep down I'm sure you know.
What's with you being happy with me again?
Prentending our problems away?
Alright, lemmie join in.
<3Ididn'tdoanyChristmasshopping. I only ratted today...hate me?
I wanna take more good pictures.
yay! I'm so glad I met you last night! i can't believe I thot you and mike were 12 year old twins with blonde hair! well i'm glad you're not 12 lol! And I can't believe I havent met you before, except aparently when we were about 2! Especially since you fekin live next door to catherine, and ive heard about you so often! and your piercing is so hott!
I think theres a chance you may like me.....cos you were all like 'so are you coming up for xmas? what day? lets do something'.
But I'm such an idiot! I was so tired, and I just wasnt acting like i liked you like that, and i know you think I dont cos i was falling asleep when you were talking, but it was 5 in the morning in fairness!!!
Anyway, it was nice to meet you in the middle of all this shit, you made me laugh so much and thanks for that!
the unfairly accused 'D4 head'
i'm sorry i blush evertime your name is mentioned.
and im sorry that maybe you dont know hopw much i like you.
but i'm pretty sure you know at least that something's happening.
i think someone or something is sending me signs.
theselittle things that just reminds me that its alright to be okay with the now.
because one day everything's going to be great.
like at matchbook, when they played tiger lily, and i told you how much i hate that song. and then you started singing. and you're horrible, but you sang anyway, so i sang too. and we got to that line.. "and i want to speak these words but i guess i'll just bite my tongue
and accept somday some how as the words that we'll hang fromand i, i dont want to speak these words cuz i i dont want to make things any worse"
it described me perfectly
and then today i sat down in the hall. and there we were, all sitting in a row, bitching and talking. and it was another little push. that i knew it'd be okay.
but if someone's trying to let me know i can do it, i kind of have to believe i can.
because i think you are one of my best friends<3
and i'm really scared what's going to happen.
or what's not going to happen.
is it bad that lately breaking up has been lingering in the back on my
mind all the time. mostly, when i think about you leaving for college.
and when you don't call when you say you're going to, ever. and when i
realize that i take a backseat to drinking. i think that's the one that
gets me most. you and your damn drinking. you hate smoking, yet
whenever i beg you not to, it always ends up happening. if i asked you
to go a weekend without drinking, do you think you could do it? i
don't. and if you really like talking and hanging out, you'd think
you'd call me when you say you will. and when we talk about college,
you really don't realize how hard it's going to be. i do.
and that's why i'm ok with breaking up then or now, or anytime. i know
you'll be getting drunk a lot, and i know its a long time from now, but
that doesnt change anything. we both know it's going to happen. but everyday brings it a little closer, and everyday pulls me a little farther.
that doesn't change the fact that i'm being a selfish bitch. i really
really don't want to break your heart, your the best thing thats ever
happened to me, but thats not compared to much. but mostly i keep telling myself to stay with you so she can't have you...
i love you... -annie.