wanted to take time out of my day to say thanx everyone for reading my crappy letters and thanks for all the advice. wanted to wish u all an awesome nite! so go wild for me. cuz im just gonna be handing out candy dressed as miss america most likely, LOLZ. (i know how ironic that id pick that costume when i think im ugly) oh wells..
Peace n' Luv,
i met a boy a few days ago. i never consult you in these matters, so i'm telling you ahead of time. please be prepared to shatter. we both know how things like this go for me.
but this boy, heart, he is amazing. he isnt like tommy, or scott, or milio. he isnt like any of them. he is smart, intelligent (which can be two different things) he is poetic, && sweet. he isn't scared of feelings, he isn't going to call me names && make me feel awful. he isn't going to toy with my emotions && laugh behind my back at them.
heart, i dont know what's going on, but i havent been able to get him out of my head. i met him at that dance i went to with jessica, stephy && scott. he was just so nice && cute. we got a long so well. he even gave me his screen name && we've been talking online every night since, only to find out he lives just down the street. i'm going to stop by there tonight, whilst trick or treating with the gang.
i just wanted to warn you ahead of time, heart. this could turn into something, so please, guard yrself. i know how you hate to be broken && the glue doesnt always hold very well.
I torture myself thinking about the what ifs. And what you may do.
Oh crap, why can't everything go back to the way it was, when you were.. I don't know, open and stuff. Don't you remember anything from before? Gosh.
I hate that you saw one of my bitchy moments today.
Hate that I care.
Hate that I might not even like you as much as I portray; I just
like torturing myself.
I always have to write a letter to you. Wow.
You were stupid last night. I hope you know. If you don't, I wish I had the guts to tell you. That was a STUPID thing you said last night.
But I'm so glad you called me this morning. :] Better late than never, right?
I wish we could kind of just undo and redo it all over.
I wish you lived right next to me.
I wish you lived with me.
You already live within me.
Loving you forever and after,
OH SHIT WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID, POSTING IT ON YOUR LIVEJOURNAL.
YOU BETTER HOPE NO ONE FREAKING SAW.
WHY ARE YOU SO DUMB. THAT WAS THE STUPIDEST THING YOU'VE DONE THUS FAR.
YOU DON'T WANT HIM FREAKING SEEING YOUR MANGLED HEART.
...so little and small,
what the fuck is your problem. ever since we broke up you've killed my repuation..i'm apparently a alcoholic, crack addict, and a whore..and since i'm all off in another country i can't do a damn thing to stop you. you leave a nasty anonymous comment in my livejournal so i photoshop your picture..you leave me nasty yahoomessages, and i wrote you back just to leave it alone. i can't fight with you anymore..i gave you my fucking heart, i don't want you tearing me pieces with your terrible terrible words. so today you im me back and tell me all about how you're starting college next month (in fucking november???) how your band is about to hit it big and how your new girlfriend has her head on her shoulders and knows what she wants..which makes me feel like..where the fuck is my head..then the last thing you tell me..is "i still have feelings for you, and i still love you, because you were the most awesome thing about gastonia" what the fucking fuck. i don't even know what to think.
i've loved you since 7th grade, enough said.
can you please hurry the fuck up and get to june..i'd really like to go back to the states NOW.
dear community people,
thanks for listening to my shit..and if you ever want a new friend add me, i'm fun..or at the very least an alcoholic crack addicted whore..which you know should make for some interesting entries....