if I were you I would call this cowardly of me, sending this out into cyberspace for everyone but you to read, promising you a letter weeks ago that I never wrote and could consequently never send. Lucky I'm not you, then, because I'm not sorry. What would be cowardly would be posting a groveling apology, glossing over all the things you've done to me that have hurt me for the past five years, all in the name of preserving our sham of a friendship because of the history behind it. What would be cowardly would be walking back to you with my head down, pretending that there's still something I want from all this, because apparently old loyalties should be held despite betrayal.
All I've wanted to say for two months, no matter how venomous it may be, is Fuck You. That's right, fuck you.
And you've no idea how good it feels, the fact being that you lied to my friends about me and then about yourself and stole some of the best people I ever knew. You're in my dreams all the time, but the more I see you the less I want to know you, even though I know you better than any of them will after more than nine years.
Do what you want, have what you will.
I don't want you in my life.
I'm relieved that you're gone.
I hope you learn.
I know that soon they will see you for what you really are.
Im in school.
wish I were home sleeping with you.
just wanted to say I love you.
all i can do is give you your space so that is what i am going to do. it is hard not to talk to you but not talking to you is the least i can do. i am sorry, i told you that. i do miss you.
I really really really miss you. This past summer you moved to America, and I didnt think it would affect me as badly as this, but its come really quickly and it really hurts. Your getting on with your life there, and you have loads of new friends and thats great...for you. But I miss you, and I dont want you to forget me. And I'm really really scared that you will, or that you have already. Please dont forget me Melis, I love you so much. Your one of my best friends and you always will be.
We had so many good times, and your just...your really fucking amazing, Melis. You really, really are. And I hope your new friends in America deserve you. Because I know I didnt.
Always Your friend,
I got your letter today. It was absolutely amazing, your one of the best friends I could ever ask for and I'm so lucky I have you. I dont know what I'm going to do if you move to Canada, I really dont. I cant bear to lose you. You mean the world to me. You have no idea.
Always yours, Always.
I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. If I do something, I'm afraid that I'll lose you as a friend, which is all I have you as as of now. I miss you terribly and I can't stop thinking about this, and you. I really love you. But now you love someone else. This is how it always is, always has been. I shouldn't have ever let you break up with me. It seems like you don't want to be over me suddenly because another girl comes around. What the fuck? I don't want to be a fucking back up plan. I want to be yours. I want you to be mine. I don't want to share, I don't want to wait. I've waited over seven months. I'm tired of the same old thing. Same old sayings, and then you go and like another girl or do shit with some girl. I don't know what to do anymore.
Lost in love.