October 12th, 2005

Isabelle at the looking glass
  • ziarre

(no subject)

Dear Susie,

if I were you I would call this cowardly of me, sending this out into cyberspace for everyone but you to read, promising you a letter weeks ago that I never wrote and could consequently never send. Lucky I'm not you, then, because I'm not sorry. What would be cowardly would be posting a groveling apology, glossing over all the things you've done to me that have hurt me for the past five years, all in the name of preserving our sham of a friendship because of the history behind it. What would be cowardly would be walking back to you with my head down, pretending that there's still something I want from all this, because apparently old loyalties should be held despite betrayal.
All I've wanted to say for two months, no matter how venomous it may be, is Fuck You. That's right, fuck you.
And you've no idea how good it feels, the fact being that you lied to my friends about me and then about yourself and stole some of the best people I ever knew. You're in my dreams all the time, but the more I see you the less I want to know you, even though I know you better than any of them will after more than nine years.
Do what you want, have what you will.
I don't want you in my life.
I'm relieved that you're gone.
I hope you learn.
I know that soon they will see you for what you really are.


(no subject)


I don't know what goes through your mind when you think of me, or if you think of me at all. I don't know what's taking you so long, and I don't know why you won't let somebody know, anybody, how you are feeling. What I do know though is, if you opened my chest right now and pulled out my heart your name and face would be stamped all over it. I also know that you're the only one, the only one I think about, the only one I compare other guys to and none of them make it because they're not you!

I see how your eyes light up when I come around. I'm the only one who gets your sweaty hungs. And I see you looking at me when you think I won't see you, but then I catch you and just smile. Underneath that smile is all these emotions, and my heart is racing, and I'm hoping and wishing, and praying with all my might that you'd stop being so shy and HURRY UP. Who cares what your dad will think? who cares if I live 2 hours away? No one, Heath. I'm just waiting on you to realize all this and come to your senses.

You'll never see this, but I plan on letting you know in November. I'm going to tell you what I've been feeling for the past year and a half. How much I hated you for so long, but I couldn't any longer. How can I be angry at this face with a beautiful smile, and the most gorgeous brown eyes I've ever seen? I'm going to tell you how every other boyfriend I've had it always came back to you. It was always you, I'd be with them but thinking about you. I don't know how you'll respond, but you've got to know. I've waited long enough.

i'm not convinced...Collapse )

(no subject)

dear dad,

this letter im writing,im not gona give it to u. but why do u yell so much at me? you know it scares me when you get mad,like your gona hit me or something. i know you wont.but you dont get it. get that when you  yell at me,it makes me upset. i feel like i have done something really bad,for you to have yelled at me. you say sorry so much,its getting fucking OLD!! you need to stop taking your stress out on me.and as for my eating,i am fine dont worry about that. you may have not made me,but im your daughter.you have raised me sense i was three yrs old. but i dont know you. i dont know your past,i know your my dad ..but not much more then that. i want to know you,know what your child hood was like. and i just got word form mom today,papa john(my grandfather) is having open heart surgy on friday,as in 2 days. this must be hard for u . i know if that was you,i would be really scared.but know im here,even though im only your daughter. i will be here no matter what. i may not like you at all right now b/c you say stuff that hurts my feelings.but you will never losse me. thanks for always giving me a hug,when i asked for one,and just letting me cry on your shoulder,but not asking questions.

         love you always,



dear ..,

i love you.


you leave with everything i am

dear cruz.


i just want you to know that no matter what happens you will always be my one true love. I've loved you since we were in third grade together. When you use to push me off the slide so i could scrape my knee. When you laughed at me when i fell. When you first said i was  your best friend. When you looked at me. I remember going to junior high just to see you pass by and smile at me. Just that one smile in the morning and then that was all i needed. I loved growing older with you, even if it was just till fifteen years old. I hated that you left. It still hurts me deeply knowing i may never see you again. I hated that you did drugs because you thought you were not good enough to treat yourself with respect. I hated that you hurt yourself because your parents didnt care about you. I loved your laugh. Your touch. I remember the day i told you i loved you and you jsut walked with me and let me explain exactly what i felt. I loved that you never rejected me. I loved when you made me laugh. When you made me feel like i was the most important girl in the world. When you hugged me and i felt you enjoy it as much as i did ;D. I loved going to sleep and dreaming about kissing you or just simply hearing your voice replay in my head. I loved the feeling of wholeness you gave me. A reason life was going, for you and me. I just hope wherever you are now and whatever your doing helps you and makes you happy. I hope you know im here always waiting for you and i would die for you. I hope your looking out at the exact same sun or stars i am looking at right now  and thinking of the time we laughed so hard our insides hurt. i love you. always.

hopefully destiny lets us meet again my little shorty,


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(no subject)

dear you,

all i can do is give you your space so that is what i am going to do. it is hard not to talk to you but not talking to you is the least i can do. i am sorry, i told you that. i do miss you.


Your making me nervous.

Dear Melis,
I really really really miss you. This past summer you moved to America, and I didnt think it would affect me as badly as this, but its come really quickly and it really hurts. Your getting on with your life there, and you have loads of new friends and thats great...for you. But I miss you, and I dont want you to forget me. And I'm really really scared that you will, or that you have already. Please dont forget me Melis, I love you so much. Your one of my best friends and you always will be.
We had so many good times, and your just...your really fucking amazing, Melis. You really, really are. And I hope your new friends in America deserve you. Because I know I didnt.

Always Your friend,

Livs xxx

Dear Lora,
I got your letter today. It was absolutely amazing, your one of the best friends I could ever ask for and I'm so lucky I have you. I dont know what I'm going to do if you move to Canada, I really dont. I cant bear to lose you. You mean the world to me. You have no idea.

Always yours, Always.

Livi xxxx
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(no subject)


I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. If I do something, I'm afraid that I'll lose you as a friend, which is all I have you as as of now. I miss you terribly and I can't stop thinking about this, and you. I really love you. But now you love someone else. This is how it always is, always has been. I shouldn't have ever let you break up with me. It seems like you don't want to be over me suddenly because another girl comes around. What the fuck? I don't want to be a fucking back up plan. I want to be yours. I want you to be mine. I don't want to share, I don't want to wait. I've waited over seven months. I'm tired of the same old thing. Same old sayings, and then you go and like another girl or do shit with some girl. I don't know what to do anymore.

Lost in love.

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