October 11th, 2005

(no subject)


I now know why you're a cold hearted whore. Sorry about what happened with Neil. You told me about the whole 'people being on levels' thing and... yeah I get it. Even though dad was on a lower level then Neil, I think its still fucked up what you did to him. But i guess fucked up people with broken hearts always hurt people. I kinda wish I met Neil.

I wish you never fucked with dads head. wish you never had any sort of relationship with him. Therefore, 'Burgundy' would've never been born and the world would've been better off. The world has enough boring people who don't do anything for anyone already...it didn't need me.

Just cause I feel bad for you. and just because I feel bad that Don Vito was mean to you and occasionally beat you and loved dad more, I still don't think that gives you reason to be cruel to me.

you should've never had whatever you had with Tommy either, cause he ruined you. Like.. way worse then you already were. I think tommy really did it for you. I mean, before you were an okay mom. You were discreet about being a slut, and we had food cause all you did was work.

wow. thinking about it. Tommy fucked this whole family over.

-your least favorite child.

I wish you'd turn into a drunk again. I wish your liver would fail. I wish your esophogus would explode. i wish my mom never met you. I wish i didn't believe all those lies you told me about a 'better life'. I wish I never said it was 'okay' for you and my mom to get married. not that my opinion would've changed anything... but now I think its my fault.

i'll never forget all those things you said to adam. adam sat alone in his room playing video games for the first 2 years you and my mom were together. you fucking hated him from the start just because he didnt like you. all those things you did to him make me hate you more then anything you ever did to me. I was a bitch to you, but adam didnt do anything.

you also should've never spoken that one line. ya know, the one that made me want to kill you. Thinking about it, i could walk over to your house and murder you just because you had the balls to say it.

"I was more of a father to Burgundy then Artie ever was."

you fucking asshole. I still can't believe you said that. I really hope you die. I cant wait.

-your step daughter

i miss you. leave that bitch tanya. you don't deserve what shes doing to you.
Im sorry I blame you for mom hating me. It isnt your fault you're better then me, right?
Sorry for all those times I hung up on you. sorry I dont talk to you now. I know you hate me for all my decisions I make. Sorry I disappointed you. Deep down, I dont really blame you for anything. Im glad you dont really drink anymore.
I wish I were you. you're so much better then me.

I wish you were home. and I wish we talked for tons of hours like we used to. I wish we were still best friends. I wish I could see you. I miss you. Our talk tonight was good though. It cured my boredom for like an hour. I can't believe you replaced me with... whatever that girls name was.
love, burgundy. your old bff.

it'd be nice if you came downstairs and talked to me.
I have every hour of my life free.

my old 'friends'
I don't miss any of you. If anything, I miss who you were... or I just dont miss you at all. I do, however, miss having a life.


thanks. (not a sarcastic thanks, either.)
just a thanks.

sorry if it isn't fun coming home to me. But, either way im glad you still come home to me.
Im glad we fall asleep together.
Im glad we're we.
sorry my bed sucks
sorry I can't give you more of a reason to live.
sorry I cant fill any of your empty.
wish I could.

Love, me.

Its kinda funny im even thinking about you. I just find it quite pathetic you asked ashley out.
just wanted to let you know:
I dont miss you.
I dont miss your gross kisses (although mine arent any better... I think its your fault since you were my first kiss and so I blame you for my being a shitty fucking kisser)
I dont miss laying in your bed with you while you pressure me to do shit with you.
and by the way, I am SO glad I never did anything past kiss you. That was seriously one of the smartest decisions I've ever made.
I don't miss you making fun of me and being mean to me when your friends were around.
I dont miss you flirting with breanna.
The only thing I miss was how you said I was 'so skinny.' and that ' what if ' game we always played.
I hate you for saving my life that one time when I almost flew out of the pirate ship at great escape, but you grabbed my leg and pulled me down. I wish you would've let me die.
oh, and you made me laugh alot.

But those three good things don't come nearly as close as what dave does for me. Dave always makes me smile, and he always makes me laugh. Im glad I waited for him to do stuff with someone. Dave makes you look like the dumbest piece of shit on the face of this planet. He towers over you in ways you can't imagine.

Donald, you're pathetic.
-your ex girlfriend.
love me
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more help, please!

I promise, I won't do this again, and I know it's off topic, but this is the last survey I need filling out: here. This survey is for research for a final year degree project (the project counts for over 20% of the degree) so it is important, and if you could help out, it only takes 5 minutes to fill in (lots of tickyboxes), that would be fabulous and much haribo will be donated.

Mods: Of course, I will take this down if you like, but I would appreciate it if it could be left up, I do hope it's ok.


i just joined. i have been looking for some where like this for a long time

dear katie,

you where my smile on thosse bad day. you where that one who made life worth living for. my shoulder to cry on, my face to laugh with. i saw it,i saw you getting worst. you cryed everynight. you didnt smile anymore. things started to feel werid,you stoped talking to me. you saw it in me too, the cuts,they where getting worst. i didnt even talk to you. i tryed to end my life,but you saved me. you gave me that reminder,i have so much to life for. but then you tryed,and did it. i lost you. your the reson i lived,you gave me this gift. i just wish i could have givien you one. i tryed, but you wouldnt listen. i feel,a yr later,i still feel like its may fault. but this gift u gave me,i dont want it. you where my reson to live,now your gone,i dont have any reson. i dont talk anymore. ever sense you left.i dont trust anyone. i dont smile for real anymore. i sit here with tears in my eyes. i dont want this. i dont want your gift you gave me. i dont want to be apart of this thing called the human race. my faimly,its perfect with out me. friends,there fake anyways. i miss you. i cant stop thinking about that night,you saved my life.and that night your mom called crying. i rember her words "shes gone. come over when you want to get whatever of hers you want" i rember screaming"nonono this has to be a lie". i rushed over to your house. i saw you there.lying with ...i cant say it. i dont want to. i didnt take anything, i didnt want anything. as hard as i want to forget,i cant. i can never forget the person who saved my life,and changed it forever.
i love you always,
xxSome one whom rembers you foreverxx

(no subject)

Dear Panic! at the disco. I love you and despite what Kyle said, you WERE the most amazing band on the Nintendo Fusion Tour. You played amazing songs. Well my favorite songs, because all your songs are amazing. I am not just saying you were the best because I love you so much, I say it because it is true. I danced during your set more than I have ever danced in my life. TSL picked a bad choice of songs, Fall Out Boy sucked compared to the show in April, I hate Boys Night Out (Cause' you know I am so "emo" and all) and Motion City Soundtrack wasn't too bad. I had fun dancing to them! I love you boys, even if the new version of "Nails for Breakfast, Tacks for Snacks" is a little bit strange. (Because the new version of (Relax, Relapse) Camisado is better than Orange soda.) PLEASE come back. It's not fair that you are doing a tour with The Academy Is, over seas. Screw them! Please do one here too? Love, a loyal fan. <33


(no subject)

Dear Chinese oral assessors,

Please let me pass. I really did study for the exam today, everything just flew out of my head today and please PLEASE just let me pass and get a good grade. I'm like, a nice person and everything so just. please.

The Girl Who Couldn't Speak

wonka candy vs liquor

It's crumbling before my eyes...

The reason I'm relying on 'the one who cares.'Collapse )
The one who cares,

Thanks for never giving up on me. And for always being there to help me with whatever's depressing me. I know I need you a lot, but it's just how I am. You never begrudge me time to talk, or laugh or just cry. And right now, I need your shoulder to cry on. It's too bad you work tonight. I know though that we'll talk soon. It's just a matter of time. You've been there through everything, and I'm there for you through it all too-that's part of being in a relationship. You are the one person I trust with every and anything that goes on in my life. I know that you and I were made for each other, and I've never been happier with someone. You are the love of my life, and without you, I'd be even worse off than I am. I actually don't know if I'd be here. With your help, I never really grappled with suicide, but had you not been there constantly, I could have. Losing my father, and then my best friend all within a few weeks of each other broke me. I can't even explain how much it broke me because it's something that just doesn't translate into words. Yet you were there, and you were there everytime we tried our friendship again. Now I know that you'll be here for this attempt too. And I just can't imagine talking to anyone else about it the way that I will to you. I discuss the basics with Rach, and Mo, but that doesn't mean that they know nearly as much as I feel. You know all that I feel, and I'm grateful to you forever for that. Thank you again for basically just being who you are. I love you, and I always will. :)
  • Current Music
    none. :-/.

(no subject)

If I could take your pain away
I would scream for you
And I’ll bleed for you
So you’ll never feel this way
Again when you’re in my arms
I would scream for you
I will bleed for you

Put the weight on my shoulders
and the pain in my heart.
Tie the knots in my stomach
and let it tear me apart.
So I could be everything you need.

I can't even explain how much this song hits the spot lately.

Katie - I don't even know how to explain to you how I feel. I love you. I wish I could make your father come back and be healthy again. I wish I could make it so he never got the cancer. I want it to be like old times, with him scaring us during scary movies. You have been dealing with everything so well and I am so proud of you. I know things are going to be hard after this all dies down, but I want you to know (even though you already do) that I am ALWAYS going to be here for you. Looking at your father lay there tonight was one of the hardest things I have ever done. (Because the hardest was looking at my aunt last year.) I love you, you are one of my closest friends, and you are also one of the strongest girls I know. <3

Brandin - It's been hard to be with you lately. You try and bottle up your emotions, but I can see the pain in your eyes. You haven't been the same ever since you heard the news. This is the second divorce you have to go through and you don't deserve it, either does your mother. I know I am pretty much the only one you will talk to about it, but I still can't get much out of you. You need to talk about it because it is starting to effect your temper. I want to hold you and make everything perfect again. I know you don't want to talk to your mother, but going four days isn't good. She isn't happy about this either. I mean at least this is all under good terms and they are still friends. Baby, I love you so much and I hope you know that. You are my everything. You say you need to hear I love you, and I can only say it so much. You know I want to give you everything, but I'm not ready for that yet. I might act like I am, but I don't think I am. I don't even know the right words to say how much you mean to mean. iloveyou.

Angela - I am so blessed to have a cuzin like you. I love you so fucking much. You are probably the only family member (besides Kyle) that I would trust with my life. Kyle would probably put someone in the hospital or worse for me, so that is always a good thing, kind of. Robby might too, but no one really tak to him anymore. I think we need a family reunion this summer, just under good terms this time. No deaths...<33

Self - Stop eating so much junk food. I know you are stressed out and all, but you need to control yourself! You are going to gain weight, and then you are going to strave yourself. Which is going to result you being very very sick. Now that you are Anemic, you need to watch what you eat a little more. You know that if you start loosing weight at a rapid pace again, there will be serious issues between your doctor and you. Just because you eat, it doesn't make you a failure, even though you think it does. -- Good job not breaking down at the wake tonight. I know this has been bringing back memories of Aunt Mar. and all. It's okay, they are both in a better place now. (R.I.P.) -- Nice job not freaking out at the doctors today, I know it was very awkard and all, but you did good.



  • Current Music
    Hidden In Plain View - Bleed For You
  • canvass

(no subject)

dear you, you and you,

thank you for being my friends, thank you for being the ones who can make me smile no matter what. i could say thank you a million times and it wouldnt be enough, but here it is anyway.

im weirdly paranoid that these relationships i have now wont last, especially you since you arent going to be anywhere near me in the coming year. yeah well im scared. what more can i say?

but i love you guys. always and forever.

much love,

ps: i dont know why i had the random idea to write this (unsent) letter, but whatever i said was true anyhow. and thats all that matters =)