Part four of the tragedy takes place today, early Saturday morning. Six-thirty, your time. You'd still be sleeping. I wonder what you're dreaming about...
I'm cold. It's raining now, and of course, the rain reminds me of you. It's been raining a lot when I'm in school, lately. I'll get all stiff and shaky and everyone asks "What's wrong?"
The only answer I have is that "It just reminds me of someone I used to know..."
That's easier than explaining and it actually is true.
I love you and miss you even though I don't want to.
Lizzy/Devi/Chewtoy/whichever you prefer...
I am a fucking psycho, and people as amazing as you scare me. I can't bring myself to face the love we share because I am weak and scared of beauty because I am so ugly inside. I run away from everything and I can't handle thinking that despite me being so scared and running away over and over again you still love me. I think about you all the time and I don't think I will ever stop thinking of you, and I am positive I will never stop loving you. There is not a soul on earth that touches me the way you do and that scares me because I don't think I'm worthy of all this. I think about how I keep sabotaging something so pure and real and beautiful because I am so weak and I feel sick. I am scared to even tell you how I feel sometimes because I am afraid of you hating me, as you should, and facing that would destroy me, so I hide. But then you draw me back out as only you can. There is no way to explain us, or me, or you. I wish I was a better person and I wish I did not get scared so easily by the power of certain feelings. I will always adore you, love you, think about you, and hate myself for not being good enough for you.
I just don't understand.
Why would I fall for a guy like you?
No, nothing is wrong with you at all. You're perfect.
But we don't even like the same type of music.
Or have the same type of friends.
It just confuses me.
It's like we're perfect together.
What was it that made me find you so attractive?
Some how it's like you're the only one like you.
I don't know what I'm trying to say.
It's just that, I always see you in all of my dreams.
I made you blush when I told you that.
Oh that blush of yours, I love so much.
I really wish you'd hurry up already.
But then I don't because I want you to be happy.
But then I want you to be happy with me.
I wonder if there ever will be an us.
It's taking forever.
Be happy with me...
- From Me.