September 15th, 2005

(no subject)

dear host family.
you guys rock but i'm still frustrated..i don't speak german. and i'm not getting any better at it it seems like..
so i'm sorry at dinner that i just sit there and stare at the wall..but it's not because i don't like you
it's because i don't know what you're saying.
and sometimes.
that makes me feel.
awkward..

lauren
help me

(no subject)

dear my love,
so you've made it clear to me that you don't wanna be with me anymore. i understand a lot more now why. i understand how college is much different then highschool and i won't be in college for another 2 years so i guess i see why you left me. but what i don't see is why your obsessing over a girl thats on myspace? so you leave me, and replace me with a girl that you literally JUST met, yesterday. you've been obsessed with her. are you trying to make me jealous? cuz believe me, im not jealous of her, im jealous of the situation. i will admit to that. i live 4 houses down but you'd rather see her? you've just made me miserable, thats all. i love how you don't care either. you got sick of my crying though i cried twice in front of you over this, one when we were breaking up and two the second time we hung out...the day after. its not like im over reacting. i just love you so much. i didn't want you talking to girls you never met before. its just not healthy. id do anything to have you back, you know that right? but you don't care anymore. you don't care about me or my life anymore, though at one point i was your life. i wrote you a letter that i'll never send you. it explains everything and i think that it would help and we could be friends, good friends again. well i thought it would help. until i saw your real side after you left me. i just wish you'd understand me and my point of view. but that doesn't matter, you'd rather be with her...no not with her, talk to her on the phone cuz you never see her or anything. she's an online friend love, get over it.
<3

(no subject)

i love you. i hate you. i dont know what to do. you never come around and when you do all you want is sex. so today, i refused to have sex with you.. and what do you do.. you hold me down even though im saying to stop and trying to push you off, you keep doing it. you ignored me crying and yelling and kept going. then you stop, your phone rings, and you leave promising me that you love me, and youll call me, and come back in a little while. i probably wont see you or talk to you for another month. why do you do this to me. why do you leave me so confused and hurt. i know you dont love me. but i love you. and there is nothing i can do about it.

</3 your [fallen] star
  • Current Music
    soundgarden- 'black hole sun'

(no subject)

Throat, maybe you should just fucking close up tonight. So I can't breath and I'll die. I mean you hurt enough right now, that I would rather fucking be dead. I can't even swallow. I am sure no one would really mind that much anyway.

I am wreck and I am just waiting for the breakdown.

Emotions, please clam down. I can't deal with you anymore. You are the ones making me a wreck. Stop thinking the worst and be happy. A few bad days isn't going to kill you.

  • Current Music
    Head Automatic - Beating Heart Baby