September 13th, 2005

park

(no subject)

dear me
youve mad it so far.
since at least last march.
and what happens?
you have one really bad night of relapsing and you chop it all up.
literally.
i forgot how hard it is to hide fresh wounds.
a few times today i thought my sleeve was sliding up.
why did you do it? youve been doing so well.
cuts take weeks to heal. your arm looks brutal.
but there really was no one around.
dear dear self, please try not to start up with this again as a regular thing...
even if seeing them there now makes you remember all the good...
dont.
love, me
come one sweet catastrophe

(no subject)

You confuse me.

Please tell me what's going on. Why are you being so distant?

This has happened to me before, and the end result is not something I want to experience again.

I told you, we could work through the miles between us. But to do that, we have to talk. I love you, I'm not ready to let you go.
help me

(no subject)

to whoever cares,
i've never been i love before. i loved it. i never knew what love was before i met him. all those days where we would just hang around and tell eachother how much we honestly love eachother. all those promises we made...fucking gone. i don't know what i could have done differently, if anything. if you love me, why are you leaving me? am i that much of a burden? was i the one that was stressing you out? are you sure its just school? i understand freshman year in college is big and important but what the hell did i do? i can't live like this everyday. i don't wanna live anymore. i just wanna crawl into a small spot and scream my fucking lungs out, and just cry away everything. i wanna erase my memory of you, im trying too, i really am but their still haunting me. do you know how hard it is not to cry when i see you? when im with you? i would do anything for you, i thought the same was for you. and i understand if i was a burden but just tell me what it was so i don't make that mistake again. i don't even wanna picture being with someone else. im sorry for whatever i did. if i could take it back i would. i'll be more secure about myself. i'll do anything just to be able to hear you say i love you over and over again. but only when i could trust you again. i want that feeling of trust again. now everything is just a lie.
<//3