I'm living in your letters.. Breathe deeply from this envelope

John.
Waking you up this afternoon was awesome. Haha you're mommy didn't know that you were only in your underwear!

Katrina,
Thankyou for hanging out with me so much. I don't meant to sound harsh but I hink it will cease when Karlie comes back. I don't mind being a replacement though, it makes me feel like I have friends.

You,
I wanna know what's going on. I still care.

Blondie,
I love your music and you with all of my heart.

dear t,

I am getting ready to go to bed. I am pretty sure I would like to fall asleep with you. get back to me on this.



dear m,

I miss you a lot. please come to see me, I have driven a hour the past three weekends to see you. we can rub each other's backs.

and so yet again I don't know what to say to you. Sometimes you make me so angry I want to kick you. Other times you make me so happy I want to just hug you and never let go. Last night was not cool. Nor was the night before. I know I wrote a little last night, but I just need to write before work. Sweetie, I love you so much. I wish you would just believe that. When I say nothing you do will hurt me, I mean it. The only thing you could do that would hurt me, is if you break my heart. You are always so worried you are going to fuck things up, and you won't. Thank you for promising me you will at least try to not think about it so much. I think we have a lot we need to work on in this relationship. You don't seem to understand that I am very emotional and when you get upset with me, I take it to heart. I take everything to heart. I love you just remember that, okay?

 

self. Go to a fucking doctor and find out what is wrong with your stomach. Not eating food, is not healthy and it is going to kill you.

( Do I really deserve this anymore?Collapse )

Dear Phil

It hurts me when you call me a liar. It hurts me when you don't care how I feel. It hurts me when you don't listen to me. It hurts me when your friends call me a bitch. It hurts me when you let them. It hurts me when you always talk about feelings and you never show that you feel them. It hurts when you make me feel like I'm the worst person in the world.
I feel hurt because I'm doing the best I can. I'm trying to be perfect for you. I want you to love me more than anything.

And it hurts that you hurt me so badly that I question why I still talk to you in the first place.

love Marisa.


[]D }{ ][ \_ I wonder what would happened if I "accidently" tripped onto a sword go right through my heart.....? says:
what you up to??
ツ marisa. & I have no concept of time other than it is flying. ♥ says:
nothing.

dear boy.
why are things taking so long.
i like you.
i think you like me.
i can tell by the way you look at me.
and talk to me.
i want to just call you and tell you right now.
but i cant.
i dont think you'll feel the same way.
xoxo.

Hi.

We haven't talked in a long time. And I still am mad at you. I don't get how you don't even care. It's like all..what 6 years? didn't even exist for you. I know that I didn't break that dollhouse on my own or make those shirts...or even sell the shirts when we got "too old" for that kind of stuff. I don't know that I miss you or if I'm just angry that you're friends with people who meant a lot to me. It's hard for them to mean a lot to me when I constantly feel like they're stabbing me in the back though. People tell me I should get over it. I guess by now it's been almost 5 years. But I don't forgive or forget very easily. I sting. And tommorow...I'll still sting. It's not so much of an open wound any more, I'm not that lame. But every once in a while I think about how things would have been different. I wonder how people think of you. I wonder if we are still kind of alike. It's hard to imagine that we can be hugely different seeing as we spent our childhoods as clones of one another..or at least I was a clone of you. I especially wonder what she thinks of you. I'm worried that at some point this whole thing will be brought back up and I don't know who she'll believe. Maybe that's what scares me the most. I don't know if you've grown up enough to admit you lied. I don't know when you'll try and use it against me. Our school is little. Eventually we'll have to face each other. I know you're more over it then I am...but I also know that nothing was ever fully settled.

I thought if I left I could run away from you. But all I realized was how much better you would be at what I was trying to do. You always beat me. The boys liked you, the teachers liked you, the other girls liked you. And that's why nobody gets why I'm still mad at you. I don't think anyone realizes how much you cheated me out of...even the people who know me best. God..they know everything I went through in the year and a half afterwards and they never made the connection to you. It's funny isn't it. I was always you when I didn't want to be...and when I try to be you...no one notices. The world is a sick place. And so are you. And sadly. I probably am too.