well, first of all. i feel really bad about writing this. i gues it cant be what friends do :(. but i guess if im writing this about you, it surely shows how much you mean to me. i mean, in the past, when i havent spoken to you about stuff, it's ended up coming out cos its annoyed me soo much + only the close people to me manage to bug me like that. yup, it sounds wierd. but why would u get botherd about someone you dont care about?
well, i guess it's just the fact that the one thing that bugs me is when you try soo hard to impress other people, you end up pissing off the ones you already had. for example, i didnt want to get in your way when your with your othr friend, but when you're around them, you just forget me, or shout over at me and say something as if you're taking the piss out of me. and tbh, i cant be assed+ i'm not going to crawl up to you and let you make me feel like im something less. soo we end up actualy talking, just us two + then when i come back, my boyfriends gone in cos he thinks he needs to go to hospital cos hes hurt his arm, + when i say i gotta go, you just didnt act bothered, you just went oh. okay. as if im skanking you, when you literally did to me. u just turned off and went. where was you then when i was worried?
occasionally you shout some comments like dole or whatever and then ignore me. tbh, i cant be botherd. i guess when we're at school things will change, cos you'' be with me more. im not trying to make out that your horrible to me , cos youre not. its just when you;'re around other people, is a different side to you than when you're just with me. you dont have to try and impress me tbh. you wouldnt have to with them, but i know how u like to fit in. i mean, you even started smoking cos they all did. and im not lying, you even said how easy it is when you;re with them. but u must care about me abit, cos you said you'd stop for me, cos im the only person you're botherd about enough to want to stop.
and no, were not lesbos lolz. i guess it's also the fact that when im not out cos im with my boyfriend, you have to hang round with people out + stuff. and sometimes, i feel really bad, as if im choosing him over you, but you understand and i see you at school + when im out cos we're not a couple to stay in all the time like some of our mates are. but anywayz, its just like when im out, you're being wierd with me, just so u can get some cheap laughs. ek, i dunno. i feel stupid for saying this all. i just dont want to lose you, but this has happened before, but with different people you've tried to be like/with. i gues when im at school, i just going to hang round with our other mates too, i dont wana lose you, but i dont want to just be used, likei kind of feel now :(
and im sorry, cos its probably mainyl my fault, somehow. cos i kno u wudnt want to hurt me.