August 3rd, 2005

(no subject)

Dear Self,

Stop being over dramatic. He loves you. And when he lies again, or if he leaves you...don't you dare say 'I told you so'. For once in your life let yourself be happy.


(no subject)


So here I am again. Writing you these letters that I'll never send. That you'll never see. But I'm going to write it anyway. Because even if I can't tell you how I feel, I need to get it out somehow. Well right now, I really do feel like an idiot. I basically just told you that I think I would like to have sex with you? And that I think I may not even enjoy it...? Don't take that part personally. I don't honestly think I'll ever enjoy sex. That's not your fault. It's the bastard who took my ability to live a normal life, nine years ago. But you don't know about him. So you probably haven't got a clue what I meant by that. But I don't think that's really why I feel like an idiot..I guess it's just because I don't do too well with telling people how I feel. Because people don't usually care about my feelings. I'm not trying to say all guys are assholes, you're proof that they aren't. But I seem to get so tangled up in the ones who don't give a shit about me, unless they're getting something from me. But you aren't like that. You at least made it seem like you cared about me, before we even met. And then after we met. And then still after we hooked up. And still to this day, you make it known that you do care about me, as a person.

And you know, sometimes, I'm just so sure that you feel the same way for me as I do for you. Sometimes, the thought that you might not think of me like that, doesn't even cross my mind. But it's times like these, that it won't get out of my head. I mean what I don't know. But I can feel myself falling for you. Hard. And I don't want to keep falling if you aren't going to catch me. And I don't know if you will. Because I won't ask you. And you won't just say it. Or maybe you have just said it. And I wasn't listening. I do that a lot you know. I just get so caught up in your voice that I stop paying attention to what it's actually saying. Not that I don't care about what you have to say. You know I do. Sometimes I just forget.

And sometimes, but not always, because always just doesn't happen...I just lay in my bed. And imagine that you're next to me. And it just feels so right. And I know you probably hate it when I call you, when we have nothing to talk about, but I don't mind. I'll take sitting on the phone in silence with you, over actually talking to most guys any day of my life. And when I think about you...I feel like I have to talk to you. So that's why I call. That's why I IM you even when you're away.

And every now and then, I'm so absolutely sure, that one day we'll be together. But will we?

I just don't know what to do with myself.

(no subject)

dear tall blonde fella,

i fuckin hate you

you are a piece of scum.

and i am going to write you sweet little letters like this

until i feel better about it all.

ive never hated someone i once loved.

thanks for all the new experiences ive shared with you.

love your favorite dreadhead.

ps. i never knew love could become hate so quickly.

  • Current Mood
    pissed off pissed off

(no subject)

dear self

how could you be so dumb as to believe he was the one? how could you be so dumb as to fall for the same shitty lines he fed you over and over again?
well self, i hope you have learned your lesson now. i hope the next time a certian tall blonde fella send you an email, an IM, i hope you remember all the lines and lies. i hope you remember the millions of little tiny shards of glass that are now all over the groud from when he BLEW YOUR STUFF UP. i hope you remember that he is scum and has no idea what a relationship really is.
i hope you remember your better then him.

love me.

(no subject)

Dear The Past Week,
OMG i had so much fun. you have been the best week ever. seriously. ive never had such a good time in my life. i havent ever taken so many elevator rides in my life. i love the aussies! i cant beleive ppl thought i was hot this past week. and i made out with an aussie. and then i made out with georgia guy. i can say i did so much stuff now that ive had this past week. i made out on a plane! life is good. soo good. i love you! ive made so many new friends and memories ill never ever forget. my summer is soooo much better thanks to you. im just sad that its over. well im still sad that its over but sooo soo happy that it happened. and next week will make this summer like the best summer ever. i mean ever damn it. thank you sooo much. i love you so much! haha
Forever Me
  • Current Mood
    crazy crazy

(no subject)

dear tall cutie pie friend,
thank you for being there for me right now.
and thank you for being so crazy
that u decide right then and there
that were going to go camping tonight somewhere random.
i love you with all the good parts of my heart.
your a wonderful friend.
love your favorite dreadhead.

dear mr. vain,
thank you for listening to all my whining
and ranting
through out...all the time ive known you.
you constantly take and rarely give.
and i thank you for understanding.
love the one person who can stand you :)

dear best friend in the world,
no words in any letter
could let you know how much i love you
and our friendship.
love the best friend youve ever had

dear self
thank you for finally giving into your feelings for once.
now you know what its like to be angry.
love me.