or will you think of me?
I'm always, always thinking of you. I love you.
I got really upset when you said you were going to Dillons last night. I don't like the feeling of sitting home and worrying, and you don't know how many times I fought tears back because it's one of the worst feelings in the world. I wish you weren't stupid and didn't do things to make me have trust issues with you, but I wish more that you would just accept that I do and not make me feel even more horrible about the situation. I feel bad enough for not trusting you, but it's not my fault. I was hoping to call you last night when you were drunk already but to my luck you only had one beer in you. I wanted to check up on you...I wanted to know you were behaving. Of course you were...you didn't have anything in you. I know I shouldn't act this way though, you get upset when I hang out with my friends. I'm sure you know somewhat what I'm feeling, but the thing is...I haven't cheated.
Another thing. Hanging out with the girl you used to have sex with all the time wasn't a good idea. I hid in Tylers Bathroom for a good protion of the night because I didn't want to cry in front of everybody. When you called me up crying, telling me she just yelled at you the whole time and it was horrible I couldn't help but be like "Good, that's what you deserve". She's a total tweak and if you ever hang out with her again I'm bitching you out. I don't even want to hear her name anymore. Thankyou for helping me hate someone else. The thing is, I mostly hate her because she made you cry. How pathetic.
I'm sitting here waiting to hear from you. CALL please, I think I'm going to go mad. I want to hear about your night. About how much you behaved yourself because you love me.
I dressed up pretty.
Will you see me today?
I love you.
I'm sorry I've changed, but I'm sorry you changed more. I haven't talked to you since you came to my house and choked me. (Sorry to be so blunt). There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about that andhow everything was, you know...before I was a teenager and you hated me. The thing is, I'm not even sure if I miss you. I miss who you used to be...which is something we both seem to share. Although I'm the one who was suppose to change, not you. You were already a teenager, but you still have yet to grow up. Ever since you married Gina things have just been different. She's a horrible wreck of a person. She's so secluded, I mean she does work with 3rd graders in a Christian school. She has no clue how teenagers act...and neither do you.
None of this was my fault, yet You both said I should blame myself.
I know for once that something isn't my fault.
No one deserves that.
Yet...I must, somehow.
You coulda brought me to the 'effin concert. I like them too. I woulda gone.
Maybe it's because I am money-less right now.
Maybe it's because of Joe.
Maybe you just shoulda asked.