July 28th, 2005


waiting for the 1st st*r to make a wish

dear brother,
i wish we could have gotten along ~ but u've moved out now. ur only 17. u said i would be sorry for the way i flip out over u for stuff that isn't even ur fault. like the speeding ticket, the party and various other stupid things. and now those things don't even matter.. and now neither do i because u've moved on. u said im just a fake and i guess maybe i am. which has me scared because i dont even know who i am anymore. and i dont even know if i ever was myself. what did i used to be like? what was it about me before i left for college that made us get along so well? did i really never do anything for you? what about all the rides bowling and to the dances..? or were they null and void because i'd always find a way to complain about it in some future spat? im sorry i never went bowling with u much when u asked me to, but did u realize it was because i didn't have the money? i had given it to you so you could go? i know i haven't really said sorry for all the hurtful things i said. I'm sorry. & i know if even i did say sorry.. you'd turn around and say i don't really mean it. how do u know what i dont mean and what i do? do you even know me? have u ever known me? u say i never listen to you.. but then why do i remember everything about you and things u've said..when ur famous for ur music and poetry, i bet u'll want nothing to do with me. i just wanted the best for u and i just wanted to make sure u didn't make the same mistakes u did. but i guess i was trying to be more like a Mom than a Sister. i wish u the best with ur new family. i hope u get a new sister. a better one and a more complete one. and i hope u forget me and i hope that u know that i love u. but u probably won't know that so, i guess i shall go. Have a Good Senior Year! i thought we'd be checking out the colleges together and practicing driving. but i guess that's my fault. it didn't have to be this way, but i made it this way. i can see why u hate me. its okay, i hate myself. im sorry u have such a screwed up sister.

"I can spell confusion with a *k*.." .. His name is Kai

Have a Good Day Everyone..God bless xox
  • Current Music
    something corporate

(no subject)

Dear Rose,
God, I know how you feel. I know exactly how you feel. I know how much your hurting, and I know it feels like the worst thing ever. Because it is. But its going to get better. It will. I hope you know that I'm always here for you, forever and a day. Dont ever feel like your whining, because your not. It's great to have someone to talk to when your feeling like this, and I'm always here, and I know exactly what you're going through because I'm going through it too. But this isn't about me. This is about you. And about how much we all love you. Everyone. But the thing is, I know that you would rather lose everyone elses love just to have Dan's. And I wish I could make that happen. I wish I could make him love you. But I cant. I know how much he's hurting you, and I would do anything to make you stop hurting. Absolutely anything. I really would.
I hope you feel better soon, and I hope that when I see you on Monday and you sleep round mine we can talk all night and make eachother feel better with what we're feeling right now.
I love you so much Rose. Dont you ever forget it.
Love always,
Olivia xxxx

Dear God,
Please stop hurting all my friends.
Please make Marleigh stop hurting herself. Make her see herself for the beauty she is, make her see she doesnt need to lose weight, make her see she doesnt need to cut anymore.
Please make Niki understand again.
Please make Rose get over Dan.
Please make Miriam happy...Please, Please, Please make Miriam happy. I dont know what I'm going to do knowing that she's upset and wont tell anyone.
Please make Esther say yes to Eytan when he asks her out.
Please make Jon happy.
Please make me a better person.
Olivia x
  • Current Music
    Sum 41-Pieces

(no subject)

i think the last time i posted was a while ago... like a really long while ago. i hope this helps, but i mihgt actually need to go scream.

stop getting under my fucking skin. stop pissing me off. stop bringing out the absolute worst in me. stop making me so goddamn angry. stop making my blood boil at the thought of you, especially the thought of you talking to her. stop acting so arrogant and high and mighty and know-it-all. FUCKING STOP IT NOW