July 27th, 2005

(no subject)

Dear You,

Things have got really confusing. I'm not completely sure what is going on with anyone at the moment.
It's really annoying and stupid that over this entire 8 week holiday there isn't basically any time to see eachother.
After you told me that Carrie's friend saw us together, I couldn't help feeling like a bitch. I know you said I shouldn't and it isn't my problem, but it is. And I just feel so bad. I dont want to hurt someone I dont even know, I dont want to hurt anyone. Eytan told me that she was crying down the phone, or something, I dont know if he's over-exaggerating or whatever, but I cant help feeling like a complete bitch. I hurt people easily, and without meaning to, and I've done it again. I got in a lot of trouble for talking to you last night because it cost about £7 and my Dad is very stingy. But I dont care. I got to talk to you, and thats what matters. I dont care how much I have to pay.
I also wanted to say thank you for listening to me. When you ask me whats wrong and I tell you it doesnt matter, you suss that I'm lying...but I guess it doesnt matter to anyone but me. The stuff that upsets me is just stupid stuff, but you seem to care about it for some reason I cant quite understand.
There are times when I'm just about ready to give up on everything, and those always seem to be the times when you call me and everything goes alright again. Do I depend on you too much? Probably. I cant help it, you always make me feel better.
And you're the only person alive that makes me feel like I have any worth. The only person that can make me feel loved, and make me like myself a bit. I dont know, maybe I'm going on a bit. Whatever. I figured out that one of the only things that matters to me is that you're happy, and I'd do anthing to make you happy...even if it meant you never wanted me to speak to you again, I'd do that, if it would make you happy. Ugh, I love you so much.

Yeah. I love you.

Forever Yours,

Olivia xx
  • Current Music
    Joy Division - Decades
help me

(no subject)

to me,
wow things have been a bit screwy lately. i know he cares about me and that he loves me and he wouldn't dump me for her but her lies just seem to get to me to well. idk what she does but when she says all that bullshit it makes me cry everytime and then when i tell him he just keeps reminding me what a liar she is. i even have proved her lies to her but she still lies. well im not even sure anymore. what if she wasn't lieing? what if he really did say i love you to her on the phone? he doesn't like her but could something have been going on behind my back? i just need to see him, face to face and watch him say to me "she's lieing, i would never do that to you" but i can't. i can't even talk to him now. so all i can do is just think about what she says and what if's and cry. i don't know why i just can't listen to him. i just don't know anymore about this situation.
-me
  • Current Mood
    depressed depressed