July 17th, 2005

(no subject)

what the fuck has been with you all week!? you dont talk to me at all until i start it off, we don't see each other and the no enthusiasm. call me an attention seeker, but i want some! the week before you wanted to see me practically everyday! i'm sorry i took so long to make a decision but you are being a knobtwat.
just thought you should know.
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    I know that you're a sucker for anything acoustic...
buddy!

(no subject)

dear dad,
i don't know what i should be saying right now. i don't know how i should act, or how i'm supposed to feel. i'm so confused and me and mom are hurting so badly right now. i can't even explain to you how much i miss you, and how much it hurts not knowing when the next time i'm going to see you is. i can't talk to you or see you right now. i'm not ready to do it. but i don't want things to be like this. we don't deserve to hurt this way. you don't either. you should have gotten help. you should have turned to someone, anyone. this wasn't the right thing to do. didn't you know there would be consequences? didn't you know you would tear our family apart? i don't want to cry anymore, i know you wouldn't want me to, but i don't know what else to do. it hurts so much. i try so hard not to let it show, and not to cry in front of mom and my friends, but i can't help it. i don't want to be this way. i don't want to be unhappy. i don't want you to be unhappy. at times like these i should be able to turn to you, but you're the one causing this pain. i don't understand how this is happening. i know you don't hate me, i know you're angry at yourself, don't tell me these things. i already know them. but i'm just so lost. she wants us to move. it makes everything more real. i always wanted you to be happy, and i always knew you weren't. i never thought it was my fault so don't feel bad, but i just wanted SO badly for you to enjoy life and to love us the way other families loved each other. i don't know what i want to say, but i needed to say something. i needed you to know i wasn't angry at you, just your decisions. i want you to get better as soon as possible, and i want you to come home. i love you daddy, i always will, and i miss you more than you'll ever know.
love,
chelsea
Andy

(no subject)

Hey you,
Can I ask you something? Yeah? ok...Why did you lie to me? When I asked you why you were grounded the first time why didnt you tell me? Why is it that I had to find out from Brandi? and dont get mad at her! Its not her fault, she thought I already knew when she brought it up....you know how much I hate being lied to. so again I ask, why did you lie to me? If it was because you thought I would get mad at you, your right. I wouldve but it wouldve been better then finding out the way I did, and it wouldve also made me a little less mad if you had to me. I love you Lane. More then anything. You know that. So please, please, PLEASE next time something like this happens (which I'm hoping it wont) dont be afraid to tell me. It will only make matters worse if I have to find out from someone else.
I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!
♥ Your lovely and amazing and FORGIVING girlfriend
Alex
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me

(no subject)

So It was the family celebration of my birthday at my dad's house. I got decent gifts but I'm still not in a good mood. I mean no one even asked me what I wanted. I know in the past I haven't given you any ideas but I actually had some practical ones for my dorm this year and you didn't ask. You want me to be excited that I turned 18 but why? what can I do that's fun that I would want to do. everything you told me was serious stuff. at least megan was excited because she could buy cigs. But I don't smoke. I don't even have my own car at the moment because of a stupid tire. this might go down as the worst birthday that and my 21st because I won't have anything then because I'm not going to drink. some how tomorrow is only going to get worse because there will be more people to pretend to be happy around.

I'm so sick of not being happy.
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    drained drained