July 14th, 2005

(no subject)


after a year and 2 months it's definatly over. you have a new g/f and your living with her, like i really care. good, now it's her problem that you don't have a driver's license, you don't hae a job, your a pot head, you fake like your a blood, your a wigger. your so fucking stupid. i hope your ass gets jumped one day by some REAL bloods and they fuck you up so bd u have to go to the hospital, and while your ass is laying in the street, some crips come up and jump you too.

you must think your mr.big and bad cuz u think u played me. well guess what, your wrong buddy, i played your ass from the start. i had sex with you in the SAME exact spot as i did your best friend. and yea, something DID happen that night i went to patrick's hotel. there was even days that your brother in law came and picked me up and took me to school, that way i wouldn't have to be alone at my bus stop. the days that you couldn't come because your bike was broken and you didn't have 10 dollars to buy a new tire because you spent all your money on weed.

your such a fuckin piece of shit. i honestly don't know why i stayed with you for that long. i said i loved you but please, you have no personality what so ever, you most definatly aren't that good looking, with your fucked up crooked ass yellow teeth, and you DON'T know what your doing when it comes to pleaseing a girl.

and your such a fuckin pussy. your always talking about how your gonna "fuck his whole world up." yea, thats why your scared ass was hidding in the bathroom stall from randy.

your so damn worthless. "im gonna be a mechanic." "im gonna be a fireman." bitch please, your gonna be a homeless crack head.

im so glad that we are over. i wasted so much of my time on you. this will be the last time that you will ever even cross my mind, cuz a bitch like you ain't worth shit to me.

dear community,
thank you for being here for me when i need to vent. sometimes you just can't put things in your own LJ.

a happy moment (...it'z about time..)

Dear Will,
U*ll never know how much it means to me everytime U tell me how much U appreciate me. Or maybe U do & U do it to make me happy :) Either way, I am just really touched that U think this way about me & it always makes my day. Sometimes when I leave work, I*ll think about our phone conversations and smile for hours on end. I think about the day that you called just to say I love you. And yesterday, U said I was a blessing. So I thought I*d write this letter to you tonight to tell you that, U save my life a little more each day. Because to have one person think the world of me means the world to me ... And this time I wanted U to know how much I appreciate U.

U always say that we'll "be out" again soon. And U talk about me riding on the back of your motorcycle & how U can*t wait 2 show me sometimes soon. U always say "maybe I*ll see U this weekend" or "I will take U bowling". And it*s cool, cuz I believe U. I still think about the night we hung out until late night after work & U held my hand and said how much U appreciate all my help at work. And I remember especially the kiss (1/2 on the cheek, 1/2 on the lips cuz i messed it up, LOL) & ur arms around my waist. How I never wanted that night to end. I really can*t wait to chill with U again. I also remember I told U that I loved U. I have a crush on U, obviously (LOL) but it*s all good just being friends. Wait, am I feeling Okay?
Well anyways I love U,

"...my hopes are so high, that ur kiss might kill me.. so won't u kill me, so i die happy.. my heart is urs to fill or burst.. to break or bury.. or wear as jewelry..whichever u prefer.. hands down.. this is the best day i can ever remember.." ~ Hands Down, Dashboard Confessionals

"and u stood by ur door with ur hands on my waist and u kissed me like u meant it.. and i knew.. that u meant it.." ~ Hands Down, Dashboard Confessionals
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    touched touched

(no subject)

Now is when this sick feeling begins to kick in. now is the nervousness. Here come the questions. Here come the what-ifs and the horrible movies in my head. The ones of you kissing her. The ones of her perfect body aligning with yours. My legs are numb and I cant bare to breathe. The razor is only a few feet away from me. The floor seems to tug at my knees. I need you now, cause im starting to worry. you and this girl all alone in a room. "hanging out" with nothing important to do. I think you should've been home by now. you never gave me a set time. Im sitting here waiting on the couch. This isnt fair. Call this bitchy jealousy. Well, what do you really expect from me? You're my fucking world and I cant find you. I just want you home. I just love you.

(no subject)

Dear Bryan,
I'm sick of sitting around waiting for you to come to me because you are bored with your gf,nicole. Which will be soon after you've gotten back with her. I loved the way you made me feel...but I hate the way you use me. And I know if you were here right now I would give myself to you because I love you. But you love me but aren't in love with me. And I tried to be ok with that...but then Nicole was back and she called me your whore...but im not yours...or a whore. I want to be in love with someone who deserves me...and who will love me back as much or even more than I love them. But you can't do that with me. Or for me. So I'm not going to be your whore anymore...not anymore...but always remember that I love you...and always will. We grew up together. Goodbye my lover.