July 6th, 2005

love me

(no subject)

Dear Future Husband, 7/6/05

at seventeen years, i dont know who i am and i dont know what i expect of life. but i know what i want and i know that i wont settle for any less. i know what matters to me, and i wont compromise. i know where i am going (relatively) and i wont stop until i get there.
at seventeen years, i feel ready for more than they say that i am. i feel ready to take on the world, i feel ready to settle, to explore, to read, to write, to act, to sing, to paint. Ready to experience, to breathe life in- in all of its richness. I want to go without thinking about it, to be spontaneous, to fall and get up laughing. i want to feel life rushing through my veins like nothing i have ever known before.
at seventeen years, i dare say that i am ready to know you. i feel more than ready to hold you in my arms, to follow you in God, to see you in your strength. i feel more than ready to help you in life and hold your hand through smiles and tears, i feel ready for anything- ready for you. ready to be married at only seventeen, and they all say that im crazy. I call it prematurely mature. i dont know why i must wait when i know that im ready.
I tell myself that I am still alone because God has someone worth waiting for, that I am lonely because God doesnt want me to waste my time on people that arent worth it. at seventeen, im really sick of waiting.
But for you, Ill wait, so im worth your wait. so that i can be someone that you will cherish- because i am not ruined or used, im preserved, prepared, and ready for you. I tell myself God has kept me from waste, and that is why all the boys dont line up for me. if you want the truth about how i feel, i really dont know why Im not really wanted.
in fact, i fret over whether ill find you. about if you will want me, or if ill be good enough. will i be someone youre settling for? if i am just a second best, settled for...i would rather be alone than settled for.
i worry a lot about things like that. about divorce and children and arguments. i want to know that you are here. that you are not going anywhere, that you are stable. i want to know that i have a home in you, and that you want a home with me.
to be in love and married is all that ive wanted since i knew what love meant. i know thats so corny and un original, but its from my heart. here, at seventeen...its all that i want.
Im waiting for you, with all of me, with everything that i have to give, im waiting for you. i want you to know that with this ring, and with my kiss, and with my hand in yours; i want you to know that this is the most important thing to me. that you are the most important person to me, even before i know you. that everything i do, is centered around being the right girl for you.
I know where im going, and that is to you. i know what i want; a life with you. i know what matters to me, and i know you'll have it all.
Call me a dreamer, lost in the clouds. But i will wait for you, i will wait forever, whether this dream is real or not. ill wait until its reality. ill wait until i cant wait anymore. ill be waiting here, with this ring just for you, with this letter for you, with all of me just for you, hoping to find you.
Soon, please.

all my love,
Kari
Isabelle at the looking glass
  • ziarre

(no subject)

Dear Graham,

So i've just asked you out, and I have to say that I'm a little bit freaked. This changes everything, you know?

The secret is that I crave that change.

K
dying

(no subject)

Dear boy that I've totally had a crush on since the middle of high school,

::sigh:: why do you keep reappearing in my life at the most imoppurtune times? and how come every time you do i get all girly over you and act like it's actually going to go somewhere this time, and then you just drop me like a bad habit. i hate it so much because you were alwyas so perfect for me. yesterday i had a dream that it had actually worked out and i've waited years to kiss you and im sure even dreaming didnt do it justice but i cant even explain how i felt when i woke up, in those seconds where you still have the feeling like it really happened, before you realize you are waking up from a dream. incredible. even in my dream you were a jerk though.

Dear self,

stop fucking falling for assholes. seriously.
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(no subject)

Dear Parents: (not mine this time)

Quit making life so hard.
We are rebelling against what you say anyway. Because we really do love each other, and it's not just hormones. If this was about hormones, it would have been over once we had sex. But it's not... hmmm... that must mean that we actually are in love! ::GASP!:: A novel idea!
You are really being unfair and dumb about the whole thing.
Whatever, I've tried to be nice to you.. I tried to see it from your point of view, I tried to be respectful and think of a way we could compromise. Nothing was good enough for you. So kindly go screw yourselves.

Thanks,
-me.
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bondage

Dear Good Advice Givers,

Ok there's this guy, isnt there always?
We're kind of dating right now, but hes dating
this other girl too. I think he was dating her first though
We went out last year and he said I was his first love
and such. I was also his first in other areas also..
Well Jen (being me) isnt the sharing type.
I dont like the fact that hes dating others too
he didnt even tell me he was until i found out
and he said he didnt want to tell me because he
thought id get pissed..he said he only gets "intimate"
with me though but i still couldnt stand the thought
of him looking at her the way he does at me.

Hes 18 and im 15, 16 in 3 months. He's going off to
college August 20th and thats 2 hours away.
Im starting to really like him, really really like him.
When we were going out before last year I liked him
but not as much as I do now and now I have nothing
holding me back like I did last time (aka exboyfriend
i still had feelings for). But im afraid
it seems our time has passed because who likes long
distance relationships? not me. But you know we
always have a great time when we get together and i love
just being with him even if we arent doing anything sexual.
Like just laying beside him on his bed naked and him
having his arms around me almost falling alseep and me staring
at him moving with each breath he took. ok thats a little
danielle steele-ish but you get it. So what should I do?

-Jen
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(no subject)

Dear you...or anyone who can explain this to me:

We have spent the last night months running around in circles. I truthfully never thought "us" would work out. We are just to different. Now everything is different though. All I can do is think about you. About how you make me feel. When I am with you I feel so perfect. I have never had such strong emotions for someone. I've never felt this way about anyone before. Now it has been to days since I have seen you and it driving me crazy. I know we both have busy lifes, but I wish I could be in your arms right now. I feel like this week has been dragging on forever, becasue I know once the weekend comes I will be able to be with you again..

I just don't understand why I feel like this. What does it all mean. Why is it you? Not someone else? Is this going to last? Is this what love is? I thought I knew what love was, but you turn my world upside down and it's killing me...

Someone just tell me what this means...I need to know...Why am I so scared to lose him?

Love always, Jessica.

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