at seventeen years, i dont know who i am and i dont know what i expect of life. but i know what i want and i know that i wont settle for any less. i know what matters to me, and i wont compromise. i know where i am going (relatively) and i wont stop until i get there.
at seventeen years, i feel ready for more than they say that i am. i feel ready to take on the world, i feel ready to settle, to explore, to read, to write, to act, to sing, to paint. Ready to experience, to breathe life in- in all of its richness. I want to go without thinking about it, to be spontaneous, to fall and get up laughing. i want to feel life rushing through my veins like nothing i have ever known before.
at seventeen years, i dare say that i am ready to know you. i feel more than ready to hold you in my arms, to follow you in God, to see you in your strength. i feel more than ready to help you in life and hold your hand through smiles and tears, i feel ready for anything- ready for you. ready to be married at only seventeen, and they all say that im crazy. I call it prematurely mature. i dont know why i must wait when i know that im ready.
I tell myself that I am still alone because God has someone worth waiting for, that I am lonely because God doesnt want me to waste my time on people that arent worth it. at seventeen, im really sick of waiting.
But for you, Ill wait, so im worth your wait. so that i can be someone that you will cherish- because i am not ruined or used, im preserved, prepared, and ready for you. I tell myself God has kept me from waste, and that is why all the boys dont line up for me. if you want the truth about how i feel, i really dont know why Im not really wanted.
in fact, i fret over whether ill find you. about if you will want me, or if ill be good enough. will i be someone youre settling for? if i am just a second best, settled for...i would rather be alone than settled for.
i worry a lot about things like that. about divorce and children and arguments. i want to know that you are here. that you are not going anywhere, that you are stable. i want to know that i have a home in you, and that you want a home with me.
to be in love and married is all that ive wanted since i knew what love meant. i know thats so corny and un original, but its from my heart. here, at seventeen...its all that i want.
Im waiting for you, with all of me, with everything that i have to give, im waiting for you. i want you to know that with this ring, and with my kiss, and with my hand in yours; i want you to know that this is the most important thing to me. that you are the most important person to me, even before i know you. that everything i do, is centered around being the right girl for you.
I know where im going, and that is to you. i know what i want; a life with you. i know what matters to me, and i know you'll have it all.
Call me a dreamer, lost in the clouds. But i will wait for you, i will wait forever, whether this dream is real or not. ill wait until its reality. ill wait until i cant wait anymore. ill be waiting here, with this ring just for you, with this letter for you, with all of me just for you, hoping to find you.
all my love,