Dear Anyone and Everyone..
I need a hug :*(
dear the get up kids,
why are you breaking up jerks? what am i going to do with my life now? sheesh thanks assfaces!
stop punching yourself in the face. its not good.
if youre out there, hug me. tell me its going to be okay. tell me you love me and youre here beside me. tell me how beautiful i am and how i light up your day. kiss me on the forehead, the cheek, and lips. give me the security i long for. hold me in your arms, and rest my head in your chest. tell me how we'll get married and have kids. tell me how we wont live happily ever after becuase we'll be forever.
love just a girl
... you know what has been said. you know how i feel. i know how you feel. but.. do you think of me as much as i think of you? i loved you. dont you dare ever doubt me on that. ever.
To my English, Maths, Science and Social Studies teachers,
Good on you for marking all our exams. Bad on you if you give me a shit mark. In other words: Please let me get a good mark. I hope I did well. And if I didn't, well, somebody needs to teach better ^_^ Hehehez. Just please let me get good results in my exams.
is anyone sick of how fake and superficial this life is?
how ppl try to fit you into a mould and pray that you stay that way, then hate you if you dont?
how skool is just strait out of a text book and not really accomodating our own thoughts and questions, how things are taught in a way so that we get our thoughts taken out of our head and replaced with someone elses.
they teach us what they want us to knoe. you begin to wonder why you even bother with it.
it gets to a point, they teach you reasons why not to do something, and never teach you what to do if you ever get into that situation. what do you do? do you sit there and hope you have a text book to chuck at them, or eat?
modern civilization of a skool is seen through eyes that are completely oblivious to everything they dont wan to see.
what is this?
this isnt living...
dad...I AM NOT YOUR LITTLE GIRL ANYMORE!!!!!!
i am 15..i think i can bike across a stupid intersection...just because im the youngest doesnt mean i dont have the same rights as my sister. she fuckin bikes to school almost everyday (in good weather anyway) and i cant 1 fucking day. and shes only ONE YEAR older then me. fuck you! if you want me to get out and be social why do you hold me back? im not stupid enough to get hit by a fucking car!! you know im smarter than that. well, i thought you knew. goddamit. i never get my way. i always fold. i always let you get your way, i rarely ever fight with you, sarahs the one who needs to learn disapline not me, so why in the hell does she get everything and i never get anything? i wish you could see me for who i am, not the girl i was. please, just give me that.
So here I am.
That seems so weird. Anyway. I hope you understood what I was telling you last night. We've both hurt each other badly. When wounded, we both have the same instinct, which is to cut the other person deep.
We're so different now. It's really interesting. Well, I know I've changed. I now know what I don't want because of you. I don't want any kind of sexual gratification. Giving or getting. I know you never ever pushed me into that kind of thing, but I always felt this kind of pressure to. I wanted nothing more than to please you. Nothing. But all that's just more baggage for me to carry. And I don't want what I do with anyone else to change what I'll eventually feel when I get married. I want it to be special. I want everything to be special. I also know now to take things slower and not jump into love itself so rapidly. I was so committed to you, I felt bad for the first few months talking to some of my guy friends. You're right, family and faith (not necessarily religion) are very important to me. I want someone who can see the validity of both institutions. Not someone who will bash my mom or talk bad about my church after he's been there a couple times. I want to have more openness, I guess, too. I don't want to know a facade. I don't like things to be hidden from me; experience has taught you this. Even presents for Christmas and other reasons... you know I can't stand waiting and thinking about it drives me crazy. Why you never grasped the concept, I don't know. You should know that honesty is the best policy when I am concerned.
You did a good job the other night, though it nearly tore me apart. I've done nothing since then to get you back... everything I've done has just been because it's what I wanted to do. Your accusations to the contrary really pissed me off. I was so mad at you, I blocked you for the first time ever. I've hardly ever blocked someone that I knew before. You were one of the first. But then I thought about it and realized that that may have been what you were looking for: something to make me mad. So I unblocked you and am now feeling much better, if only to prove you wrong.
You have beaten out any form of feeling that I'll ever have for you "in that way". I'll love you forever as a friend... but God willing, I will never date you again. If I do, there'll be some kind of special circumstance. You have no idea how hard it's been. You only think you do. But you've already had a first love. I haven't. Yes, there was Michael... but that wasn't the same. You proved to me that I was worth having for longer than a couple months. You were my comfort, my shelter, and my ever-present source of love. When my parents were mad at me for one reason or another, who did I run to? You. You made me feel safe and wanted. I just feel like I've been lied to or betrayed. But I guess I really haven't been. I guess it's because I thought what we had was lasting.
I hope, eternally, that you find someone who is truly right for you. Someone matched intellectually, who doesn't go over your head like I used to. Someone who can tolerate video games more than I can. Someone that doesn't have a hangup about a relationship with God. Someone who doesn't care about sex, so you can get laid. Yes, I wish you luck in bed. What a nice friend I am. Hahaha. I wish you everything that I could never give you.
Filial love always,
I really enjoy your company. I like how we talk about random things. I love how you know all kinds of things about music and movies and... I don't know. All kinds of things. I want to know more about you... I want to know you inside and out, if that doesn't sound stalkerish. I want to meet your friends and be friends with them. This is different from everything I've ever had before, paralled only by a time in middle school, where I had a couple guy friends I hung around constantly. You remind me of my "favorite" friend. Y'all are both intensely intelligent and silly at times. You both have similar features... the blondish hair, the glasses... things like that. I think it's really cool that you play the guitar. I'd love for you to teach me sometime. I also like how you said you think more about music than sex. That relieves a lot of strange pressure that sometimes results from girls and guys hanging out as friends. I like that. I hate pressure. I respect you because... I don't know. Just because of things you've said... I've been like "Yeah, right on!" because well... I agree with what you're saying. Usually, it's about moral things... choices we make. All in all, I'm glad I know you as a friend. It's been cool, these last couple months. I wonder where this is headed, in the far future. If it's anywhere at all and it might not be. Either way, it's cool because I now have a cool, new friend.