June 18th, 2005

i hate you

(no subject)

Dear Mother:

I am sorry that I am not the greatest kid to live with and I am sorry that I do not always do what I am told. I am sorry that you feel the need to take Dad's side on almost everything you can think of. I may not be perfect, but I am not the one that is always at fault. I love you to death, but at times, I feel as though you hate me more than anything in th world. Sometimes you yell at me and punish me when I have done nothing wrong. I wish Dad would quit his drinking because after he has had a few shots, he thinks the world revolves around him and that if you do not do something RIGHT after he asks you to, that you need to be smacked or something. I am done. I have never ran away from home before, but I am on the verge of doing so. I try to impress you with the things I do. I play basketball, volleyball, softball, and I play golf in the summer. I get ALL A's. I try my best to stay out of trouble (even though, I slip sometimes). I am so sick of being treated like shit when I try my hardest to be the best kid in your eyes. I am sick of it all. I am sick and tired of him being able to tell me what to do and you not stopping him. Gah. I just feel like screaming. Maybe it will be best when the divorce is final. I am sick of the fighting. Maybe, just maybe, he will see that is drinking is the problem and maybe stop?! more than likely no, but we can always hope. Who knows what is going on. I love you to death, though. Even though sometimes you seem like you hate me, I know you really, truly care about me.

Love always,

Caitlyne

  • Current Mood
    tired tired

(no subject)

I think Love is the most intense feeling anyone will ever have.
it is stronger than hate.
To me, love is when you cant stand being away from someone.
you dont care about their flaws and you'd do just about anything for them.
im talking about passonate love.
not settling love.
not "i'll learn to love you" love.
real love.
the kind of love that keeps you living.
it's why you wake up in the morning, and why you cant sleep at night.
its why you cry during movies, and why you smile when you hear your favorite songs.
it's your love.
it's something completely different than the way you've ever felt, and completely differant than the way you will ever feel again.
to me, love is when you cant imagine how your life would be without that person.
it's allowing yourself to open up to someone.
it's allowing yourself to be vulnerable and allowing yourself to put every single one of your emotions in someone elses hands.
knowing that you have given them the power to break you and destroy you completely.
but still feeling completely safe with that person.
it's when you found one person who satisfies you in everyway you need but keeps you wanting more.
it's when someone makes you feel that you are the absolute luckiest person in the world.
it's when you feel that everything is right and complete, even if its only for a second.
it's letting yourself be completely comfortable with that person, and not afraid to be yourself.

Love is when you see someone, and you know.
It is something you crave.
xoxo


(sorry so long and no cut.)
  • Current Mood
    awake awake

(no subject)

Dear you,
I hate you. I hate that you're not here with me. I hate that I can't forget your eyes. or your lips. or your hair. I hate that I can't forget the way you talked to me. How you made me feel alive.
I hate that I can't forget how well you treated me. I hate how sweet you always were to me, even after I told you I loved you. I hate that I can't find you now when I need you most of all.
I hate myself for all of these things and I think that if I could hate you half as much, I'd be okay.
Mostly I hate the way I don't hate you at all.
xox,
you. know. who.