June 7th, 2005

(no subject)

Dear exboyfriend,

Thank you for coming over last night. I feel so much better now that I've got to talk to you. Things will be different this time. I'm sort of glad that we're not rushing back into things and taking it a bit slower. I do want you to move back in here with me, but I know it's such a hassle. I love you so much. Thank you for coming and saving me. I actually got to sleep last night.. It's been one of the greatest nights I've ever had. I miss you so much right now but I know you have to go to work. I'm going to record the baseball game for you tonight because you told me that you haven't got to watch a game all season.. I was going to record House MD for you, but I don't think it's on anymore.. and if it is, it's probably a re-run.. I can't wait til you get back here at 8pm. I love you so much. Thank you for coming over. You will never know how much it really means to me. <333 dani.
  • Current Mood
    grateful grateful

(no subject)

Dear You.

I've taken to wishing on stars again. Wishing for you. Wishing for tomorrow. Wishing I could find the words to describe how I feel. That's the problem with feelings. They're meant to be felt. Not described. Not talked about. Not compared to anything. They're just there. Sometimes they're open. Sometimes they're hidden. Mostly hidden, with me.

Maybe I should start wishing on airplanes instead. Their blinking lights have often been mistaken for stars, and what's so bad if it flies away? Maybe that plane is headed straight toward you. Maybe it will drop my wish off at your doorstop. Maybe then you'll know all of my secret wishes.

I don't stop at just wishing on stars. Oh no. I tell them much more than that. I tell them how I get that butterfly feeling in my tummy when we talk. I tell them how you hurt me sometimes but aren't really aware of it. I tell them how I act differently around you, because you're so much better than everyone else. I tell them how I wish I could be just like you, because you listen, and understand, and at least pretend to care, even if you really don't.

I wish I was content with life. Content with our relationship. Content with the fact we'll never be more than friends. Content knowing that I don't know anything.

Sometimes I go weeks without writing. Nothing inspires me anymore. I didn't have much inspiration to begin with. Sometimes it was a quote. Sometimes a song lyric. Sometimes it was something you didn't say. But now. I can't bring myself to sit down and concentrate on my writing. I can't concentrate on anything. Except you. Always you. Always the things you promise you're going to do, but never really pull through with. Always the conversations we have. Always the cuddles, and the kisses, and the way I never really meant to fall in love with you.

One more hour until I tell you how I feel. Two more days until I leave for good. Three words that mean everything.

The show's ready to start. The curtain is opening. The actor is speaking. Do you hear? Do you hear the words he's saying? He's speaking to you. Whispering in your ear. Telling you all of the words you've ever needed to hear. Wait. It's over. He's done. Do you feel it? Do you have goosebumps? I know I do. He's taking his final bow, and the curtain is closing. Time for a costume change. A face change. He's putting on one you'll never even recognize. He'll never break character. Never. He speaks just for you.
Isabelle at the looking glass
  • ziarre

(no subject)

Dear everybody,

I don't really exist to you, do I? I pass in and out of your lives, glittering, now and then doing something amazing just long enough for a little applause. To sign your yearbooks so that you can say, "look how many people I knew" or "I knew her when..."
You even know my name. You like me; you invite me to things. But I don't think that I exist. And I'm scared of not existing.
I feel awkward and flailing.
I feel in love but I can't tell you.


(no subject)

Dear you,
you're breaking my heart, you know. Not that you're not allowed- by all means, I'd rather you than anyone else- but it's just that you promised you wouldn't. I'm sorry I don't mean anything to you. I'm sorry for loving you. Oh god, I'm sorry. If I died today, somehow, I don't think you'd care anymore. What happened to the way you used to be with me? What did I do wrong that you feel the need to completely lose contact with me for more than a month? Please, please tell me. What about me can I fix? I didn't realize I needed anyone until this. But I do..I miss you so much that it physically hurts. As if being so far away isn't enough, you'll add to it? I'm sorry I'm as selfish as this. I'm sorry that I'm even writing this, knowing you won't ever get it.
Goddess, I wish you would.
You've made me lose all faith in guys again. Breezy convinced me to trust them, and what did I end up with? where did it get me? Caleb, who told me he didn't give a fuck about me and I could just 'go suck a dick' for all he cares. Branden, who broke up with me on Christmas. fucking. Eve. Ben, and look what he's doing to me now? And then you? You, of all people, I trusted. With my life and more importantly, with my best friend's. Somehow, now, I'm not so sure anymore.
I still love you. I never stopped. Not that you'll care.
xox- Liz(zy)


Person 1;

Just write your name across my forehead, because I'm just your property. I cried right next to you- did you even turn to see? My hip bruished against yours, you didn't even notice.

Not once did you turn to look at me.
Not once did you give a damn.
&& I guess that's just damn fine.


Person 2;

I didn't search the crowd for your face. I didn't attempt to start a conversation when you came to my table. To tell you the truth, I was annoyed when you started talking to me on the way to the bus.
You greeted me with the usual insult, instead of laughing and starting a conversation- I bitched you out. && I'm damn glad I did.

You wern't nice when I cared.
&& Now that you give a damn I won't be there.
  • Current Music
    Jack off Jill - To myself I turned

(no subject)

Dear sweet Jesus,
Please forgive me. I get jealous of what they're growing into, and then I'm always brought back to your grace and your wisdom and understanding. I realize that what he's helping her with, he did the same for me, helped me out. I just don't understand him. And I don't understand her.

I'm private about things. I don't like it when people I trust go around saying stuff to other people, even though that person is my best friend as well. I say things to certain people for a reason.

I wish I could make her realize that it reallyyyyyy and very painfully slices my heart into pieces every time she "helps". It's not help. How can I trust a best friend who doesn't take my feelings seriously? A little guidance please, God. Right here.

And please forgive me for not being always grateful. I get annoyed when she brags, yet at the same time I'm overwhelmingly happy for her. But I do get a tad bit annoyed because I won't be getting the nicest stuff, I won't be getting everything physical that I want, even though I do work harder. When I get jealous, I'm always brought back to you, God, and am reminded of the things that I do have. I thank you for that, and I thank you for your help in healing my heart.
Jealousy is such a disgusting evil.

I've noticed a lot lately that my heart is in pain only because I love so much. I'm aware that it's very rare that my heart is broken because of something bad. It's always good stuff that I'm sad about, hah. Thank you for everything you've made me and everything you're helping me see that I need to improve on. Thank you for being my sweetheart, my love, my rock, my embrace.

with my whole being, heart and soul,

(no subject)

Dear summer time,
I hate you. You're stagnat, boring, and slow. This is the time of the year where nothing gets done. And then when my birthday comes along, you make me feel like I have no friends. Thanks.