I don't know who the hell you are, random blog tagboard mouther, but when I find out who you are, I will hunt you down and chop your head off.
I have enough torment without you adding to my pain.
And if it's really you, Nathan, I'm going to fucking kick you in the balls. Adding insult to injury - my stiches are still bleeding, they're about to come apart but you just rip them right open.
Who do you think you are?! You think you're such a great catch. I guess, in a way you WERE. You understood me, the things I couldn't do. Then you got complacent. And even after the many times I told you, you still didn't do anything. You just sat on your bum and expected our relationship to run itself.
Love doesn't mean a relationship will work out. Up til now I don't even know what we did wrong - what I did wrong. You won't talk to me, you think I'm desperate to get you back when I'm actually running away from you. I don't even know you anymore.
You aren't the sweet loving boy I fell in love with. You've changed SO much.
And after all you've done I still miss you. God, Eliza, how stupid can you get?! HOW FUCKING STUPID CAN YOU GET?! Sometimes I just wish something, someone could just erase you. Erase all our happy memories. I want to get a move on with my life. I want to move on.
But you're holding me back.
All day in school when you were near me, I made a big show of being happy. The fact is, I'm NOT. I'm far from it. That laugh, the jokes you hear me make - they're FAKE.
I don't think of you as much anymore but I'm not even happy. The last time I was genuinely happy (or near it) was when you came over for the last time, when you hugged me tight and kissed me like you meant it, handed me your break up letter (though I didn't know it) and rode away on your bike.
And I know it's stupid (and not to mention, WEIRD), but everytime I walk past your bike leaning against he wall that you always put it on, I wonder what it would say if it could talk, if it missed me, if it felt as sad as I did. I think of the times you pushed me along as I sat on it, the times you kissed me as I sat on it, waiting for you to get your shoes done and tied up.
I don't even know myself anymore.
Fuck, Nathan. I can't believe I still miss you. I can do so much better yet I'm still pining for you.
If only I could eradicate you from my life.
suicide doesnt kill people; sadness does