June 2nd, 2005

(no subject)

Dear ___,

"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live."
You are so selfish. Get over it. Please.


Dear _____,
Why do you go along with such foolishness? I just don't understand how you believe it's ok. Oh wait... I just figured it out. Nevermind.


Dear _____,
Please don't just give in. This is important. I'm sick of feeling this way. It tears me up inside and I don't want it to happen again.

Once upon a dream by goodfaythe

Fly me to the moon!

I still can't believe that you finally asked me out...and that we've been together for a week now. This past week has seen me the happiest I've been in quite some time....thank you! :D

Everytime you walk into a room my heart does this little flippy fluttery thing...and I get a silly grin on my face. I love catching you looking at me...the look you give me just makes me feel so....loved/happy/warm and fuzzy. lol. I love that people always comment on how cute we are together, even though I only come up to your shoulder. Yesterday Dani called me over to tell me that we're cute. She was telling me how,when we were standing together at the bowling ally and your arm was around me, and I was talking to her and she ketp seeing you look at me...and apparantly it was really cute. :D

I love that my hands are always cold and yours are warm...I love that I don't always have to grab your hand, that sometimes you grab mine. I love that you are always pointing out things about me that you like...I'm a nice girl, I'm a dork, I'm cute, I'm loud and that compliments your quietness. I love how you offer to "protect" me from Jon, even though we both know that nobody can "protect" me from Jon. I love how you open doors for me and walk me to my front door...even if you're just dropping me off after school. I love how when we were playing "Yes, yes" yesterday you winked at me for eye contact and how that whole side of the circle giggled.

I love how I want to kiss you, but I'm too afraid...I hope I get over that soon.

I love how all my wishing on a star finally worked.

I think I'm falling in love with you...and it's only been a week...but I've liked you for so much longer than that. I love how the first time I ever admitted out loud that I liked you was in your house, at your birthday party, when you were in another room.

I love all the pushing and pulling that people did to try and get us together.

I love how you smile at me, and the way your face softens when you look at me. I love how you pat me reassuringly on the shoulder and tell me to cheer up because you like happy girls.

I love that you only live 5 minutes away.

I could go on...but I must go and get ready for work...

Me <3
  • Current Music
    Yellowcard - Rock Star Land

(no subject)

Dear God,
If it would be ok, could I please have another heart? Mine has been broken up, stitched back together, mangled, used, broken, torn, ripped and left lifeless too many times to count. I know it's asking a lot but I think, in the end, with a new heart, I could do no wrong.


As the world falls down.

So. . .

I really don't know what to say. It's been so long; I've forgotten how you used to walk. I've forgotten exactly how your voice sounded. It's harder to picture how your lips twisted upwards into a grin when we laughed.

&&, the part that breaks my heart is, I think I'm okay with that.
Just weeks ago I would plan every action according to you. Thinking 'would this be okay in his eyes?' or 'Can I eat this? Dear god, no, I'll be fat and then he won't like me.'
Isn't that just a scream? My life revolves around you, even though I haven't seen you in over a year and a month.

No more, boy.
I've forgotten what was so damn special about you. My world revolves around the sun again, just as it should- not you. When I think of love songs I don't instantly think about you. && when I cried two weeks ago, I didn't cry for you. I think that's the first time in a year; not crying about you.
Because, it was ALWAYS about you.
I'm sick of you.
Tired of you're smile.
Grown weary of your sparkling eyes.

Because you can only stand glitter and stardust for so long before it makes you want to gag.
  • Current Music
    David Bowie - As the world falls down.

(no subject)

Dear You,

Well, I've seen a thousand things in one place, but I stopped my counting when I saw your face. Erasing memory, I feel as though I've never seen a face before... Until I saw your eyes smiling back at me through my tears. I've been counting all these years. Now, suddenly the thousand things I've seen were nothing more than dreams of you and me.

I Love You,
  • Current Music
    Jason Mraz- 1,000 Things
FOTC - Shakers!

(no subject)

Dear computer at home,

Stop not working and working god dammit before I shoot you with a shotgun that I don't even have.
I know you'll never see this (because you're gay), but oh well.
I hate you so much, but surprisingly I don't want you do die. I want you to work. So effing do that already, you jerk!

  • Current Mood
    crushed crushed

(no subject)

dear kevin,

when i'm with you, the world has stopped and i feel as if nothing can go wrong.. then, i get home and everything blows up in my face and i feel as if nothing can get better.

i want to see you tonight -- so badly. but my mom took my keys away. i hate her so much. -sighs-

... i miss you.


dear mom,

i hope you die. i hate your fucking guts. you treat me like shit, but yet you treat dustin like a fucking prince?!? he did the same exact shit when he was my age, and he never got introuble. it's not fair. it's because i'm a girl, isn't it? i can take care of myself.. stay out of my life and give me back my fucking keys so i can see kevin.

i fucking hate you,

dear dustin,

whats your fucking problem?!? i never tattle taled on you when you snuck out of the house on a school night, so why did you do that to me?! you useto be the coolest brother in the world -- i useto be proud to be your sister, but now, i don't give a shit. you think i'm out of control now? you haven't SEEN out of control.. fuck you dustin. i can't believe you.

wishing i wasn't your sister,

dear life,

get better now.. k. thanks.

  • Current Mood
    pissed off pissed off

(no subject)

Dear Coker,

I hate that I can be so mad at you that I swear to myself over and over that I won't pick up the phone if you call me again, and then... as soon as I hear "Iris" start playing, I forget all about not wanting to pick up. Do you know why I chose that song for your ring tone? It's because of the history I have with that song. Yeah, you never heard that history. You heard part of it but never exactly why. I figure you should know this now:

I love that song to death. It's beautifully written and I've loved it ever since it first came out. But it hurts like hell to listen to it. That's the part you never heard. Of course you remember back before I met you, how I used to cut on a regular basis, right? Well, every time I would do it, I would have Iris on repeat. Over and over and over again, that song used to play. And I sang along and I cried and I cut and I swore that if I woke up tomorrow, I would do it all over again. And I did. Every day for the longest time, without fail. I don't do that anymore, as you know, but those emotions are too embedded in that song for me to feel otherwise about it.

I figured out that that song is just like you now... bittersweet. It doesn't quite hurt bad enough to not listen to it anymore, but bad enough to make you really think. What we had was beautiful, Coker.  Looking back, knowing we could try again and make it better...and you won't. That's what hurts. It hurts like that damn razorblade used to, except so much worse. Those wounds inflicted by that razorblade healed and even though they eventually formed scars, the pain of that cut went away. When you're heart is broken, that pain just doesn't heal over 2 or 3 days. I should know, it seems like forever since you've been gone and each day it seems to hurt just a little bit worse. That pain hasn't subsided at all. And though I'm grateful to have had the love and the memories of all the time we spent together, I can only say that I'm dissapointed and quite hurt that you won't give that love another chance to flourish.

Please think about it. Give 'us' one more shot. I think what we had deserves one more chance at least before either of us give up on it.



(no subject)

dear asshole. i fucking hate you and i want you to die. what an igroant bastard. what the fuck is your problem? maybe the reason why no one talks to you is because no one likes you. maybe its because your jerk. burn in hell bitch. yeah, this is what hate feels like. you are shit for a father

~someone you will never know
  • Current Music