June 1st, 2005

(no subject)

To all the recent deaths that i know,

i hope you know your tearing me apart piece by piece
i havent even gotten over the death earlier this week and now
i have to put myself around another crowd of crying people
and a person lying in a coffin
knowing that it will soon be shut forever
and 6 feet under
i try and take my best friends tears away
but i cant..i know i have been in that situation
many of times and i just need to say goodbye and be strong


you will be forever missed...may you be more comfortable whereever you are

(no subject)

March 3rd since you've been gone.
That's 90 days. & not one of those days have I been happy without you.
I know you're not there by choice, & I know you want to be here more then anything but you have seriously got to start trusting me.

July 27th, that's when you get out.
56 days.
146 days all together.
I fell in love with you before you left,
& I'm not even shure if you're in love with me now.

It's kinda pointless to actually be writting in here,
since the only way of communication we have with each other
is threw letters.. but from the letter I got today
there is no way I can tell you all of this.


I'm hanging out with Erica tomarrow.
Idk what you would do if you found out, & I really don't want to.
Your mom would probably hate me, & no.
I know what you would do..
you would break up with me.
Ina heartbeat.
But I don't really care.
I don't know I don't know.
This is just like after teddy, & the only thing
I wanted to do was talk to Johanna.
Granted I was shit faced fucking drunk, but wutev.
I feel like I need to talk to Erica.
To see if your lieing.
To see if you really love me.

I DON'T KNOW WHY I DO THIS TO MYSELF.

Seriously, you're in boot camp.
We already have alot to deal with without throwing added drama into the mix.

I know Erica is on probation, because of me.
I know we both have scars because of each other.
But I don't know Glenn.
I just feel like i'll never know you all the way
if I don't hang out with her.
We're just gonna talk.. it's not like we're gonna do anything bad.
She's the only girl i've ever gotten ina fight with,
& it's really not cool of me to go behind your back & do this but
idk.
You said don't hang out with teddy.
well, I did once.
You said dont' drink, I did saturday.
You said don't smoke, I have everyday.
You said don't talk to mike or bobby,
i've talked to & hugged both of them.


god idk i'm sorry, i loveyou kbye. <3