May 14th, 2005

little mermaid

(no subject)

dear regular emotionally stable brain,

it was nice knowing you.


dear emotionally unstable, severely fucked up and confused brain
nice to meet you
please go away.

no love


everything hurts.

every second im alive
every second i live, knowing that you arent mine

every second i live knowing that shes hurting you.

you are an ass when you're drunk.
but alas
i still love you
  • Current Music

(no subject)

Dear _____,
I'm sorry. I've told you that so many times but you don't seem to care. So you hate my guts? Well tell me why so I can quit trying to be your friend.
I still love you even if you don't care.

Dear A,
You are so strange around me. I can't quite figure out what is wrong so I think I'm going to quit trying to guess. But it could make the future awkward.
Adios my friend.

Dear God,
Thank you for everything. Honestly, I do appreciate it. I just don't know where things are going right now. I'm so completely lost. Please help make this clearer to me. I'm so sick of doing things on my own, and everyone else has pretty much abandoned me. Don't let go.....
  • Current Mood
    confused confused

(no subject)

Dear Community,

Thanks for being the best place on earth and making me open my eyes to a different, more relaxing form or writting. I ended up buying a notebook and I carry it around with me everywere so I can write letters all the time. It's not most clean and organized book but it's mine and it's full of letters that mean so much to me. I want to thank you for the idea and allowing me to express what my heart cannot.

Love always and forever,
little mermaid

dont say I'm the one you want to lose

last night when you were drunk
we were talking
and i changed my msn name to 'its not me you're dying for'
and you were like quit making msn names about me
and i quickly changed the subject

because i was so afraid you were going to figure me out
im afraid that if i tell you how i feel about you it will ruin our friendship
ive already lost you once
now you're my best friend
i can't bear to lose you again

all i ask is that you please remember
that you hurt me
like no one has ever hurt me before.
and the pure fact that i can somehow forgive you for that and try and move on, yet continue to stay friends with you is amazing.
i know i sound fucking selfish when i say this
but i feel like i should hate you
i cant
especially not now.
im so afraid that you will take advantage of me for that fact

i know you tell me just about everything, even last night you said you probably weren't going to tell me
and then you did
i tell you everything
you're the only one(other than mimi) who knows that i'm getting a crush on this boy.

i dont know
this town is full of so many fucked up people.


ps: "Holding back, now and forever sweetheart"

that will always be my quote about you.
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(no subject)

Dear you,


Love and bullets,

Dear HIM,

Thank you for making Ville Valo your singer. His crooning makes me feel better about myself.

  • Current Music
    Tanto- JD Natasha

(no subject)

Dear You,

Did we both just know, from the first moment when I walked into the room and you looked up at the doorway yo see me, that we'd end up together?
Did we know that for months we wouldn't even know eachother's names or rarely see eachother? And for over a year we would weekly be around eachother, but not even talk?
Did we know that we would have the most coquettish relationship?

Did we know about the all-nighters? The night we would spend together, you reciting every single line of Finding Nemo word-for-word in my ear (and that I would spend ever single minute cracking up)? Did we know that you and the other boys would work so hard to keep me awake, singing "Sweet Home Alabama" until you finally fell asleep? Or that over a year later, my friend would tell me that ever since that night, she knew it would be you and me?

Did we know that we would go to camp together? That we would spend so much time together during those 5 days? And throughout that week, all the girls would ask me if I liked you? Or that word would move around so fast that we seemed to fit? Did we know that I would deny liking you for months?
In that moment, did we know about all the text messages and hours we would spend on the phone together?

Did we know that I would start to stop repressing my feelings for you? Only for me to learn that you had gotten back together with your ex-girlfriend? Did we know how crushed I would be?
Did we know that I would become such good friends with her over the next few months? Or that her and I would get along so well, or be so similar? And that I would start to distance myself from you, but hang out with her? Did we know that when you would break up, I would be the first girl you called? And that you would call me again that weekend, leaving me a voicemail that I would analyze again, and again for the next two weeks because you were on a cruise?

Did we know that we would yet again go to camp together? That we would spend a weekend hanging out in the same cabin up in the mountains? Did we know that everyone would look at us, just smiling, and waiting? Did we know about the smiles and my scarf, and sitting together during every session? (Did I know that the perpetual empty seat right next to you, was not by chance, but rather, by your choice to save it for me?)
Did we know that everyone would again start to talk, asking me what was going on (nothing)- again?

Did we know that not 4 days later, my best friend would take you home, and you would answer "Yes..." when she asked you if you liked me? Did we know what everyone else seemed to know before we finally realized, or admitted it? Did we know that Saturday, we would spend 4 hours just talking, knowing, being together? Or that those first 4 hours would become the next 4 months?

From that single second, did we know about holding hands, ice-skating in Horton Plaza, movie nights, Valentine's Day, wrestling, my 15348 minute phone bill (and just for january..haha)? Did we know about snowboarding at the summit, riding the lift together, cuddling in the car ride home? About all the inside jokes, purpley-blue, Andy Irons, alphabet bombing, my hate for pecs, Jack Johnson LOVE, I WINS, eye candy, Backstreet Boys, our songs? Did we know that you would suprise me by playing my song for me on your acoustic guitar? Or how deep I would blush when I learned that you taught yourself the tabs, so you could play it- just for me? Did we know about Wednesday nights with Scotty and Ethan (look at the lovebirds), the meaning of exactly 9o'clock, dinner at Island's, that night walking down the pier, falling asleep in your lap/on your shoulder/basically falling asleep on you, shivering in the rain? Did we know that we would spend over 4 months this way? Did we know that I would ask you to my Prom? Did we know that because of one week, I would become so dependent on you? That you would become my crutch, one of the few things that keep me sane?

Did we know we'd be together? That it would take almost 2 years?

From that first moment, did we know?

Baby, I think we sensed it.

(Insert all the words, sentences, thoughts I've deleted.)

There's nothing like you and I,

(no subject)


I never want to hear the words "Amy," "Kyle," and "sex" in the same sentence, ever again. It's really, really frustrating. I know it happened, and I'm sorry it hurt you, but I am not you. I will not make the same mistake you did, because 1) I care about him too much, and 2) I have dignity and morals and self-respect and won't allow myself to do something I'll regret in five minutes. It won't happen, so stop pretending like you care for me, like you're worried about me, like it matters to you at all - all you care about is your own jealousy. I wish I could say that I wish it never even happened between you, 'cuz God knows that you'd be a better person. But Kyle's grown, and Kyle's learned from it and now he's a better person because of it - I wish you would have taken the experience and grown rather than turned bitter. I miss being your friend. I really do. But nothing this summer that I was blamed for was my fault, and being happy with Kyle isn't my fault, and I don't want to hear how I'm a horrible friend. It shouldn't mean anything when you say it, 'cuz I was a horrible friend long ago, before I even liked Kyle, before anything mattered, but it still hurts every time you imply it and every time you burn me. You made me choose between you and Kyle. And when I didn't choose, you backed away anyway. Stop blaming me for any of this becasue I didn't cause this trouble. I hope you can learn to be happy with Stephen, and I hope you can get over Kyle and be happy, and I hope one day, we can put all of this behind us. But for now, because you caused all of this, we can't be like we were. Please stop acting like your my friend so you can jab knifes in my back and insult me not only implicitly to my face, but expressively behind my back as well. Please don't act like you care when all you can feel is jealousy. And please realize that this hurts me as much as it hurts you, but there's just nothing else I can do about it.


(no subject)

Dear M,
Our long phone calls
All the laughter
The inside jokes
The romance
All the hugs
And the time spent looking into your eyes
Are things I won't soon forget.
But these things are things
Typical couples have.
I wanted more.
I wanted different.
I wanted a hopeless romantic
Who was willing to cut open his chest
Place his heart in a box,
Tied up nicely with a bow
And give it to me because I deserved it.
But I never got your heart
So I created a deadly memorie
The end.

Ok so this letter makes me sound kinda greedy with the whole heart thing but I want the best in life and if my man wont offer me his best I wont give him mine.Please tell me what you think of this letter.