May 13th, 2005


(no subject)

dear bestfriends,

i love you guys and i miss you so much. we were all so close before, and now we've begun to form groups within groups. i miss you guys.

i've got a feeling that we wont talk at all this summer, and that scares me so much. i need you guys please please just come back.

i love you more than anything ever and without you guys im completely miserable.

i love you...


(no subject)

for the who i need,

Forever I'd wait for you,
so I'll wait.
And I'll wait.
Where have you gone?
Come back to me?
Because I'm still waiting.
And when you come you’ll treat me like shit,
But I love you,
So I let it go.

Do you really think we should stop talking?
Should I drown all my hope for our friendship?
Please don’t say yes.
But I think you will.
You think I’m hopeless don’t you?
You think I’ll only go way when I end up in an insane asylum.
Well I think you might be
Because true friends don’t treat friends like shit.
And I’m sorry if I ever did.
I hope you’ll forgive me
And then maybe you could see through the grey clouds that surround me.
Then perhaps you could see that I can’t lose you.
That I refuse to stop trying, to stop thinking that there’s not hope.

Don’t you remember?
Can’t you recall all of the times we share?
The times we’ve spent together?
Just you and me?
I can't replace those times I shared with you
I can’t replace you.
I’d never be able to find someone as great as you.
I can’t walk by you and not wish I could grab you and hold you in my arms forever.
I have to hold my self back.
Only because I’m scared of how you will react.
I can’t stand to see you walk by and not acknowledge me.
But I wont have you think of me as a lunatic.

So I’ll wait.
And I’d wait forever for you,
Because I'm holding onto a dream that might not come true.
Even if you don't know how much I need you right now.
Even if you think I’m a fool.
I'll sit here waiting for you anyways.
Because I’m a fool for you.

your corky.

I'm not oh fucking kay
  • Current Music
    im not okay- my chemical romance
Ha Ha Ha

(no subject)

Dear self,

you need to stop. get you shit together and accomplish things. Your never gonna pass the 8th gread this way.


Dear Karima,Travis,Todd,Remus and everyone else in the 8th grade class,

Please stop trying to be nice to me.I can see it's too hard for you. Your were never my friends anyway. To anwser your question:No I don't have any friends I have people who pity me.

Not so much love,
FOTC - Shakers!

(no subject)

Dear Austin,

I'd rather say this to your face than in a letter, but I just never find the right moment to say these things...

Isn't if funny how if I didn't like you we would have never met, and all the things that have happened wouldn't of? If I didn't think you were "the hot new kid over there" so long ago, where would we be?
It just makes you think, you know?

Remember how me and my friends sat with you at lunch. But you didn't say anything, you just looked up and around. And now we can look back on it and laugh.

At first I liked how your face looked. Your face looked so perfect to me; your lips, eyes, and nose. Your beautiful curly hair, you ears, everything. And the way you dresses and carried yourself. And when I met you, I liked your personality even more. You're so perfect. Your face was then a plus.
I still have those pictures of you...Collapse )

I was so in love with you. I was so positive that it was love because you made me have butterflies in my stomach just coming to school. Knowing that I would see you. And you made my heart beat fast. That's what they call love, and I knew it had to be more than a crush.

I loved that we clicked. I loved that my friends would always leave us alone together. And hoped you wouldn't notice. I hoped it wouldn't be obvious. I loved that you always made me laugh, that you were funny. I didn't have to fake it. I was comfortable with you.

You made me have so much confidence, and that I could do anything when I was with you. I was never embarrassed for being me. And when you kicked that one kid's ass right in front of me it made me feel safe. It's weird, but I did. The same day that I held your hand when we were so cold.

But on the day that You told us you weren't going to Kino anymore, a part of me died inside. But I was happy for you. You got to leave. But I also didn't understand it. With all that has happened, wouldn't you want to stay with your friends? Or for me?

That's when I realized that you probably didn't feel for me the way I felt for you. So I learned to move on without knowing it or wanting to. I learned that you probably weren't "the one," because that doesn't happen so early in life. And that even if we went out or anything, it might not have lasted for some reason or another. And then I'd have to learn to move on in the end anyways.

But there's always that "What if..?" Like, what if it did work out for longer than high school? I hate all those negative "what if's," they just make all the good ones seem like fairy tales.

But all of a sudden, since you haven't been around most of the time, and weeks have gone by that I haven't seen you, some of the excitement is gone. But I don't want it to be. And then I start blaming you for it. And you know, of you hadn't left Kino, I would have asked you out. But I don't want to blame you. I don't want to fall out of love with you. And I haven't completely done that yet.

My heart still pounds when I turn that corner from 7th hour. And when I see you, it makes everything seem better. And when you smile, it brightens up my day. But when you cross that street to go home, I wish I was with you. I wish that you did want me to come over. I wish that you would let me go to your house, and see your car that you're not allowed to drive yet.

And because I'm losing track of everything you have ever said to me, and vise versa, I wish that something would happen with us. Right now even. I'd be surprised if you called me after this letter. Because you never call me, and because I'd be dying for your reaction.

I don't know what you're going to say to me after you have read this letter, or if you ever will talk to me again, because you might freak out. But I really mean every word. It's hard for me to lie to you, and I have not yet.

Well, I guess I have said what I wanted to say to you for a long time so, I guess I'll go now. I hope I see and talk to you soon.

Yours truly,
  • Current Music
    Bright Eyes - Pull My Hair

(no subject)

Dear Chris,
I want to call you and hang out but I'm cheap and don't know what to do that doesn't involve spending money and yeah. I'm going away to school and don't want to get too attached to tyou because when I see you for long periods of time I find some of your habits annoying not like with the previous guy. He hardly ever annoyed me. Anyhow I might call you tomorrow maybe.

Dear Caitlyn,
I am mad at you and I don't know when you might realize that. Here's the deal. I was invloved with the planning of when to tell you that Brandi was going with Ryan to prom. I told her to say a guy from church was going and then canceled last minute and ryan filled in. So if you stop listening after this sentance be mad at me not brandi. We were afraid you wouldn't show up if we told you in advance. It was a big deal for you to decide to go and I didn't want her to ruin it. Today Kaycee argued with me over it and maybe I was wrong but I don't really believe that. I know you weren't happy that night. I know it didn't make your day but we didn't show up at Kaycee's because we didn't think it was fair to ruin that too. So I invited everyone back to my house. We didn't want it to be akward with brandi and you and ryan. I really didn't want it to last this long. Brandi has apparently lost her chance with him anyway so why does it matter.

Do you know about Michelle's date with Ryan? Does that bother you? If it doesn't I don't understand how that is possible. Sometimes people don't make sense to me I only hope to get this all worked out so that the end of the year doesn't end with you not talking to brandi. Don't talk to me instead.