I'd rather say this to your face than in a letter, but I just never find the right moment to say these things...
Isn't if funny how if I didn't like you we would have never met, and all the things that have happened wouldn't of? If I didn't think you were "the hot new kid over there" so long ago, where would we be?
It just makes you think, you know?
Remember how me and my friends sat with you at lunch. But you didn't say anything, you just looked up and around. And now we can look back on it and laugh.
At first I liked how your face looked. Your face looked so perfect to me; your lips, eyes, and nose. Your beautiful curly hair, you ears, everything. And the way you dresses and carried yourself. And when I met you, I liked your personality even more. You're so perfect. Your face was then a plus.( I still have those pictures of you...Collapse )
I was so in love with you. I was so positive that it was love because you made me have butterflies in my stomach just coming to school. Knowing that I would see you. And you made my heart beat fast. That's what they call love, and I knew it had to be more than a crush.
I loved that we clicked. I loved that my friends would always leave us alone together. And hoped you wouldn't notice. I hoped it wouldn't be obvious. I loved that you always made me laugh, that you were funny. I didn't have to fake it. I was comfortable with you.
You made me have so much confidence, and that I could do anything when I was with you. I was never embarrassed for being me. And when you kicked that one kid's ass right in front of me it made me feel safe. It's weird, but I did. The same day that I held your hand when we were so cold.
But on the day that You told us you weren't going to Kino anymore, a part of me died inside. But I was happy for you. You got to leave. But I also didn't understand it. With all that has happened, wouldn't you want to stay with your friends? Or for me?
That's when I realized that you probably didn't feel for me the way I felt for you. So I learned to move on without knowing it or wanting to. I learned that you probably weren't "the one," because that doesn't happen so early in life. And that even if we went out or anything, it might not have lasted for some reason or another. And then I'd have to learn to move on in the end anyways.
But there's always that "What if..?" Like, what if it did
work out for longer than high school? I hate all those negative "what if's," they just make all the good ones seem like fairy tales.
But all of a sudden, since you haven't been around most of the time, and weeks have gone by that I haven't seen you, some of the excitement is gone. But I don't want it to be. And then I start blaming you for it. And you know, of you hadn't left Kino, I would have asked you out. But I don't want to blame you. I don't want to fall out of love with you. And I haven't completely done that yet.
My heart still pounds when I turn that corner from 7th hour. And when I see you, it makes everything seem better. And when you smile, it brightens up my day. But when you cross that street to go home, I wish I was with you. I wish that you did want me to come over. I wish that you would let me go to your house, and see your car that you're not allowed to drive yet.
And because I'm losing track of everything you have ever said to me, and vise versa, I wish that something would happen with us. Right now even. I'd be surprised if you called me after this letter. Because you never call me, and because I'd be dying for your reaction.
I don't know what you're going to say to me after you have read this letter, or if you ever will talk to me again, because you might freak out. But I really mean every word. It's hard for me to lie to you, and I have not yet.
Well, I guess I have said what I wanted to say to you for a long time so, I guess I'll go now. I hope I see and talk to you soon.