May 3rd, 2005


belly butterflies

Dear Will,

What if I start to really like you?  I don't want to get hurt.  But I am starting to like you a lot.  I am going to try not to hang out with you anymore.  Because everytime we hang out, we have a great time and we act like more than friends and then my head gets the wrong idea and then so does my heart.  I was able to lie to myself for 2 months and pretend I didn't like you more than a friend, but then Friday night was so incredible, even though we both were drinking beer.  so maybe that doesn't count? maybe u'll forget everything u said to me? maybe u'll see me again while ur sober and realize i am so ugly? i don't know what's gonna happen. but no matter what i'll never forget when u showed appreciation for all the hard work that i do at the office for you and my other co-workers.  o gosh, i want to stop thinking about you. :/  i can't deal with another unhappy ending.. not right now, im just getting outta my depression.. Please don't make me like you.  even though i love to like you & like to love you.


Indy a/k/a ("you're teddybear")

  • Current Music
    Mariah Carey - We belong together

Dear Daddy,

Asshole's get what they deserve. A shitload of Debit.

1 of: Gypsy - Bette Midler (album)
1 of: Mud Will Be Flung Tonight - Bette Midler [EXPLICIT LYRICS] [IMPORT] (album)
1 of: Broken Blossom [IMPORT] - Bette Midler (album)
1 of: No Frills (Rmst) [IMPORT] - Bette Midler (album)
1 of: Thighs & Whispers - Bette Midler (Rmst) [IMPORT] (album)
1 of: Elephant - The White Stripes (album)

+The fast Shipping and Handling i requested.
+The Taxes. And all the products are knew.

Subtotal of Items: CDN$ 96.22
Shipping & Handling: CDN$ 10.85
Total before tax: CDN$ 107.07
Estimated Tax: CDN$ 16.06

Total for this Order: CDN$ 123.13

You don't fuck with me when i have your fucking credit card number you fucking asshole.
  • Current Mood
    accomplished accomplished

here... a little sympathy for you to waste on me.

First and foremost... to the one who inspired me to type any letters at all:::
i wish you wouldn't hang all over Ryan all the time. for one, it gets annoying quick... and for two, i like him. and i'm jealous that you can do that, and i can't.

dear Ryan:
please kiss me in the hallway like you do in my dreams. especially like you did in that one dream that i had 2 nights ago. that would be an extremely sweet first kiss, don't you think? because i do. you're a wonderful guy, and i like you more and more each day i see you. you're even making me forget about ...oh, whathisface. and that's amazing. i like you more than bogdan, too. i mean, i don't like bogdan or anything, not in "that way", but i like you more. really. already. and i've known you for much less time than i've known him.

dear whatshisface:

i don't remember your name anymore. sorry, it must've slipped my mind! I MUST HAVE FORGOTTEN... just like you forgot me. just like how you forgot that we were... what do you call it? friends? whatever dude. i can't like you anymore. i've liked you for too long; this has dragged on long enough. i'm tired of putting myself out there for you & not getting anything back. it's heartbreaking, and i give up. if you want to save our friendship, please go ahead and try. i'll be here waiting; as usual. it's all up to you. but just remember how i'm the one girl that would never try to hurt you... and who hasn't. remember that i'm the girl that you can (and have) come to in the past about any of your problems. i'm the best listener you know. and the supposed coolest one at that. remember how "awesome" i am. ohh, and speaking of awesome... you know i love you, as a friend anyway, right? well. a true friend would say this:
you're perfect. even moreso because you're in a good band. not great... because... colin (er, whatshisface), you can't sing too well. i've tried to hint at this before, even by saying "voice lessons" at one point, but i don't think you've picked up on it. your band will never be famous with the way you sing now. hate to break it to you, darling. i'm pretty sure Jason from Race The Sun thinks so, too. he was probably drunk when i sent him to talk to you. ok... maybe i'm just bitter. but. really, you don't sound exactly like Chris from Saves The Day. Let's both be honest. You just... don't. You need lots of practice. <3 (don't read this next part if you don't care to know how i really feel) i think i've been in love with you for the past year. and it's been horrible, every second knowing you & knowing that you DON'T CARE.

to the back of my head:

please please please please stop itching.

dear dad:

fuck you for giving me that hereditary itchy skin stuff that neil has too. errr. it's SO ITCHY. people probably think i have dandruff because i itch my head a lot lately.

dear gwen stefani:

i would appreciate it if you didn't sell out anymore & go back to your band... back to where you were like, 6 years ago. back when 'don't speak' came out. you were good at that point. i feel lame for admitting i like you to people... because they automatically assume that i'm talking about liking you as you are now. sadly, they are mistaken. sorely mistaken.

dear gavin rossdale:

please leave your wife if she keeps up with this whole sucky solo-career thing. here's a hint: her music sucks (a lot) now.
oh, and p.s., is your band doing anything anytime soon? i used to like you guys a lot.

dear ear cartilage piercing:

i would appreciate it if you would stop hurting so i could take you out at some point really soon.

dear headache:

please go away.

dear weather:

stop being bi-polar. you're making me relate my life to the song 'high of 75' by relient k. but minus the whole being happy thing. because i'm not happy.

dear self:

stop feeling sorry for yourself. it's ridiculous. there is NO need to stress out over whatshisface. he does not appreciate you; you do not need him as a friend. you've had many people tell you this on several different occasions.

dear music:

i love you dearly, but it upsets me how i relate to lyrics that you have all the time. ESPECIALLY if you're emo music. seriously, you depress me.

dear mp3 player:

please work again. please please please. i'm tired of having to adjust the headphone piece so that all of the music is played in both ears. that is one of the most annoying things.

to my dear brother:

STOP BEING SO LAZY. STOP PRETENDING THAT YOU'RE SICK. we both know you're not. you just want to play counterstrike on your computer and not go to the gym with me. you know that i don't want to go there alone... because the wickedly dorky guy with braces is going to ask me where i've been-- and i'll have to lie to him. and he'll probably say "cool dude" or something like that.

dear asheville economy:

please get better so that i can get a job REALLY soon. i dread the summer, because if i don't have a job then i'll go insane.

dear fingers:

please get warm.

dear body:

please get warm. and fall asleep faster at night. i'd be insanely thankful.

dear head:

i've asked you once, and i'll ask you again...

dear red cardinal & various other birds in the windowsill by the bird feeder:

i'm sorry that i'm too lazy to put more seed outside for you guys. i have a killer headache & i'm writing this letter to you all instead. too bad you can't read it. ps, sorry that tobey has killed a lot of you. i've got a stupid cat sometimes. but he's really a sweety at heart, i promise.

dear members in fall out boy and/or management:

please send me a free cd. i can't afford to buy 'Under the Cork Tree' today. even though i really really REALLY want it. badly. pleeeeeease?

dear members of yellowcard:

thank you for writing "inside out". i love love love love the lyrics to it.

dear members of various other wonderful bands that i'm too lazy to mention at the moment:

thank you for being who you are & being in the bands that you're in. you've made me the person i am today, and i appreciate that.. really, i do. i especially appreciate the bands who appreciate their fans. like Race The Sun. Jason is one kickass guitarist, and a super sweet guy at that.

dear people of this community:

do any of you actually ever read these letters? because, well, if you do, then i've just managed to make a huge dumbass of myself.
  • Current Music
    inside out :: yellowcard

(no subject)

is it possible i love you?
i have no idea. i kinda hope i dont cause im fucked if i do.
i saw you today and omg my heart didnt stop shouting at me for 20 minutes afterwards. i'm such a fucktard. why can't i just talk to you, its not like you're jesus. you're just you. i have no problem with others, but you do something to me that even alex didn't do.
i can't help it, and i'm not sure i want to. even though i know im such a loser over it all.
  • Current Music
    deathcab for cutie

(no subject)

dear self,
i think it's fair to say the male race has failed you. you dream; you dream of his arms around your waist, your fingers in his hair, and him refusing to let you go until you realize just how beautiful, how amazing you are. you dream of endless nights, lying on his bed and staring up at the ceiling, talking, laughing. you dream of a best friend and a lover. you dream of tiny coffee shops, driving endless in the dark around the same few blocks, talking for hours, holding hands and having him with you everywhere, in your thoughts, in your heart. you dream; and maybe that is your problem. you wake up, and it hurts. you're demanding a perfect relationship, all those things, they just aren't possible right now. the right thing will come at the right time, and hopefully, someone will love you the same way you love them. and it's not as much about finding mr. right, than it isto find mr. right now. i just want the mister - right or not - i've been dreaming of.

"when you're weary, feeling small,
when tears are in your eyes, i will dry them all;
i'm on your side. when times get rough
and friends just can't be found,
like a bridge over troubled water
i will lay me down."

  • Current Music
    "bridge over troubled water" - simon & garfunkel