May 2nd, 2005


(no subject)

dear s.e.,
sorry to keep writing to you, but every day brings more suprises for us.
why can't we just stay friends? we were happy, and you know it.
we had fun, we smiled, we laughed.
you want a girlfriend more than you actually want me.
and now that all this has happened,
it's only natural that it has hurt the 'us' i used to love to be.
i don't want to hurt you, yet i need to be honest.
i feel like i can't confide in you any more,
when now's the time i need to confide in someone the most.
i know it's not your fault,
and i know i sound selfish,
i just really don't want to believe this is actually happening.

dear a.p.,
please stop being so desirable.
so funny, so smart, so amazing, so you.
it hurts my heart.
i want you so bad.
i want you so bad.
i want you so bad.
why is that not good enough for you to let me in?
i know you're the one for me.

dear self,
why does everything have to be so confusing?
this should be tough. probably won't make any sense
you're crazy, you know?
you have one guy who'd make you smile,
but you insist on the one who makes you lose your breath,
the one you can't have.
it's just peachy that you're being true to your heart,
but it sounds a little hippocritical,
he is to you, as you are to the other 'him'.

dear "oberon" of a midsummer night's dream
you . are . so . hot.
it takes a real man to wear fairy glitter.
  • Current Music
    44 caliber love letter - alexisonfire

(no subject)


Well if you are reading this, I either got the guts to give it to you or you didn’t throw it away. It seems almost surreal to be writing to you after almost a year of not talking to you really or anything.  I wish I could understand what happened to us. Or why I let such a great person walk right out of my life and not even fight for them to stay in my life.  You have every right to never want to look at me or talk to me again because I treated you so badly. But ever since I pushed you out of my life completely I have been missing apart of me. We both changed so much after we broke up. Maybe you don’t see it or maybe you do. But I completely changed who I was I started disobeying my parents completely and doing drugs and everything possibly.  I have not been able to be in a relationship since you. Well, a REAL relationship. I hurt you so much, more then anyone should.  I’m scared to go off to college and never ever be able to see you again. Does that sound dumb? Probably because it’s not like we even talk. I can still count how long we would be going out if we were together 2 years and 2 months… that’s crazy WHY do I still remember that.  When I was hanging out with you and Marc this summer I stopped you from doing something’s because I didn’t want you to make a mistake that you couldn’t take back.  I still have the flowers you gave to me for Valentines Day. They are sitting on my computer desk. Do you remember that night you called sometime in the summer randomly? I do, because I was crying hard, and I was waiting for my then boyfriend to call me. When I picked up the phone it was you, I don’t remember why you called me, but I do remember it made me stop crying and I was laughing at something stupid.  After everything hurtful and stupid I said to you when I broke up with you I realized I had lied to your face. I did love you and maybe a part of me still does. My parents always tell me they liked you the best, even my father, ha. Who would have thought? Anyways, this isn’t to make you feel sorry for me or anything, this is just to let you know I still think about you and still care about you a lot. Bye.

Love always,

...I dont know if i should send that :/
FOTC - Shakers!

(no subject)

Dear [His Name Here],

What has happened to us?
I really thought we had something.
I really thought we'd be together.
But something went wrong.

What is it?
Don't lie.
You're not good at that.
What is it really?
You wanted me.
I wanted you.

What went wrong? Tell me.
Tell me.
Was it that other girl?
She kept you from me.
She was jealous of our chemistry.
Of how we connected with each other,
so well, so fast.
Tell me why we can't happen.

I really don't understand.
Was this love?
Is this love?
Or maybe it's that fake teenage shit.
She'll break your heart.
But I won't.

You'll break mine, I can already tell.
No matter what happens with us.
I love you still.

Yours Truly,
[Girls' Name Here]
  • Current Music
    Brand New - Failure By Design


Dear John,
When I saw you Thursday at Shoprite, I knew that I had gotten rid of all my feelings for you... Although I do still care about you, I realized that I'm finally moving on and it doesn't hurt so much to see you... It doesn't hurt to talk to you when I talked to you then... But the thing is, I went home that night and after Vinny left, I went and read old conversations we've had... I often wonder if you meant anything you said... How can you say all those things and in a matter of a couple of weeks, you act like you didn't say any of those things at all... Have you always been an asshole like you are now and I was too blind to see it? Or did Ashley change you when you guys started dating? Although you broke up with her in June, your personality is still the same as if you were still going out with her... I asked you if you hated me and you said no... You said that our lives have been changing and you don't have time... I don't have much time either but any little bit of time that I do have, I put that towards the efforts of keeping in touch wtih friends... Is it so hard to pick up your cell phone during a break to call me to say hi... After all I have called you atleast two dozen times since november and you haven't called once during any of that time... Hell, every time I call you never answer... I just need to know one question, did you ever love me? Or was that complete bullshit along with everything else you said? What the fuck do you want? You're the biggest asshole I have ever known... So actually, yea it does hurt to see you, why? Because I just want to throw up when I think about how much I loved you when I see how you are now, I could never be with you... My hate for you is never ending... You caused that yourself... I hope you go to fucking hell you ass fucker... I HATE YOU!!!!!



Dear Vinny,
I'm so afraid to tell you how I truely feel... It's only been three weeks since we've been dating and two years that we've been friends and I'm already madly in love with you... I already know that you're the one I would want to spend the rest of my life with... I have so much fun with you... All the things we do, one would think that both of us are still children in a mentality sense... But I don't care cause it's those immature times, times like swinging on the swings at the Byron Johnson field or going to Prospertown Lake to stare at Kingda Ka and Nitro as you try to get me to go on as I continue to fight back because I'm totally scared too... Every single time, you put your arm around me and say it's ok cause no matter how much of a chicken you are, I'm always going to love you as I love that about you... Of all girls, why did you pick me? Do I really deserve it? You're more then I have ever dreamed of... You're my life... I hope one day we can spend our lives together... I can't see myself with anyone else but you... You're the one that's in my heart... It's you who fills it with complete joy... When I'm away from you, I can't help that I miss you... I just want to be with you 24/7 because I never get tired of you... You mean so much to me... Only if you knew... I love you babe!!! More then life itself...

Always and Forever Yours