April 28th, 2005


Something I Should Tell You

Dear Jared,

I need to admit something to you. Being the girl who "sticks around"... the girl who "helps" guys... that's what I do. I stick to them through thick and thin, help them overcome issues, problems, or even insecurities. Then I stand them on their feet and walk away or even many times they walk away from me. But even at my worst heartbreak I never regretted any of it. I always felt as though they'd gained something from the experience as well. I knew I'd helped them in some way and that was good enough for me. If I'm being honest, I'd have to confess I thought this would be the same way. When you confessed to me your problem I knew I'd stay... I knew I'd stick around... I'd help you get through it somehow... and then it'd be over... another name on my list of those helped somehow. I lost some of the hope I had of us... I thought well, forever for us was gone now, but I've got another "help case."

But every moment I spend with you I fall more and more in love with you. It gets harder and harder each night to part with you. I wish someday soon "time to go home" meant that it'd be us going to the same place. Whatever my days bring, all I want is to end them falling asleep next to you and begin the next waking up to you.

With everything in me, I want to marry you.

And that scares me.

And yet somehow I've never felt more peaceful in my life.

- J