April 23rd, 2005

little mermaid

always end up on your own..


i set way too high if expectations.
to just let them get shot down.
i expect too much from people
what am i asking?
to just simply be my FRIEND??
i havent talked about this to anyone, maybe thats why its driving me so insane..i know it shouldnt bother me this much.
its just...i dont know. it makes me feel un-important and un-needed.
gah..is that what i need? to feel NEEDED?
cause thats lame.
its just...i feel like you should still be my best friend, like it was before.
its not going to be ANYTHING like it was before..and im close to 100% accepting that fact. i hope.
but then you go and will be all cryptic about things, and not tell me ANYTHING, and it makes me feel completely un wanted and like you dont even care that im youre friend anymore. sure, i dont want to hear about how much you drink and shit now, but still, i'd like to at least KNOW whats going on in your life.

we've been broken up for 5 months this month.the first few months were emotionally rough, duh, and im still not 100% sure where i lie in our field of things.
but back in february, when we started being friends again, it made me fucking happy.
and now its like
im going down again.
and i dont want to be like OMGITSALLYOURFAULT I H8 UUUU
but seriously.
i almost feel like this is your fault.
maybe i was having an odd notion that we'd go back out.
i dnt know.
i know if we did it would never work out.
we're both oh so very differnet now.
but honestly.
i'd still give anything to spend my life with you.

i think i just need to seriously like, re-think things, esp. our friendship.
i dont think i could live without at least being your friend.
even if you enver tell me anything.

i love you.
  • Current Mood
    lonely lonely
Ha Ha Ha

(no subject)

Dear Jenail,Erica And Tamera,

I am ever so sorry for liking you all. I happens and I can't really control myself or my feelings. It's not like any of you would have gone out with me anyway so why get bent out of shape by rumors ? Anyway thank you Tamera for understanding,Thank you Jenail for ignoring me and thank you Erica for hurting me.

  • Current Mood
    embarrassed embarrassed

please pardon my french .....

dear his ho ass girlfriend,

i fucking hate you. you are so rude to me all the fucking time &i never ever even did a fucking thing to you. you make fun of my brother and none of the people i know who know you can stand you either. everytime people talked bad about you, i defended you because he said he loves you and i love him so i respect that. but what the fuck? i am not going to lie anymore. you fucking make me sick and i can't fucking stand it. i swear if you ever fucking hurt him the rest of your life will be miserable. you know, i have always said, if he had a nice girlfriend or whatever, i would like her. i would be happy for him and her. but he has you. so i am not. he means so much more to me than he ever fucking will to you, so fucking let it go bitch. you better thank the lord that looks {or thoughts} can't really kill. like i said before, don't you ever fucking hurt him, or you will have hell to pay.