April 21st, 2005

(no subject)

Dear Sam,

Why are you doing this to me?
What have I done to you?
Why dont you listen to me?
Why do I insist on being friends with you?
What is your problem?
Why do you insist on finding love at such a young age.

I'm sorry, I don't know if we can be friends anymore. Your pulling me in on your stupid danger ride. When you turn to me for advice, don't expect me to be there waiting for you. Because,I think we're through.

Your Friend,

(no subject)

dear seth,
theres so many things i need to tell you. and im scared to death of what you might say but i need you to know.

is it just me or does something seem wrong? i cant help but think when you told me it wont get fucked up, it will or maybe it already has. my stomach hurts like crap and i want to cry because i cant stand the thought of losing you. ive never felt like this about someone so soon. i really like you. i dont want to say i regret what happened last night but maybe it wasnt such a good idea because it might of messed us up. not that there was an 'us' to begin with. but i think thats what i want. i want an us, me and you. its soon as hell i know, and i know im not sure of alot of things but im sure of this. last night, the only reason i stopped was because you said we should. i felt inanely okay with you, i felt safe, it felt like you cared. i just have this really bad feeling that something has changed with you. i guess i could be over reacting.

i dont care about our conversation today on the phone with the akward silence, i dont care that you hung up on me, i dont care that your going to prom with another girl.. i understand. im over that now. i think im more upset about you not wanting something to happen between us. i feel like a bother to you, honestly. and if thats the case than i can leave you alone. but i really dont think thats what you want. but see this is what i need to know.. i need to know how you feel. i cant keep wondering. i need to know that this is real.

last night, i loved you

i've only really known you for a week and already i cant stop thinking about you. your face is the thing that randomly pops in my head. i think about you all the time. you make me feel like a person. the only other person ive ever felt this way about was my ex of 9 months and i loved him.. i guess what im trying to say is i love you seth. and if your actually reading this im suprided i actually told you. but you cant tell me that last night wasnt real. that it didnt real insanly real to you. i dont want you to aviod me or stop talking to me like others guys have. thats what i meant by things getting fucked up. ive been interested in guys and everything seems great and then talk of a realtionship comes in and they leave, and stop caring. and it makes me feel like im nothing. please dont do that to me. or maybe im just a lay...

if you dont want to do anything friday i understand.

and maybe telling you all of this is a mistake. but at least you know and you can take it as you want to take it. but just know that its all out there now... please dont leave me in the dark.

someone who doesnt matter
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