there are a million and a half cliché lines I could give you about how much I love you and how much I miss you, but I don't think it would matter. You're working too hard and I really fucking don't even know how to get it through your head that you are. You're going to end up really sick from all of this...I thought it was supposed to be a part time job! I know your manager really needed you and I know the pay's better, but God am I worried about you. Breezy LIVES with you, and SHE misses you! It's just...Dev, I love you. I'm not there to make you take care of yourself, or at least yell at you to, and there's nothing I can do. I hate being so far away from you and Breezy. It fucking scares me how much I care about the two of you..You know about my nightmares, and it just terrifies me. What if something happens to either of you? I don't know what I'd do without you. ..I'm speechless at the very thought. Rest assured that I miss you. I miss you so much it hurts- The worst part is that I don't even know why. I've been suicidal lately...I get up and I wonder why. I wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up sometimes. The stupidest things remind me of you, and it brings the smallest of smiles to my lips, all the things we joke about. The rain reminds me of you mostly...
After Branden, I promised myself I'd never let anyone mean that much to me. Before I knew it, you were there. For some reason, you seemed to think that I didn't deserve what he did, that maybe I was a good person after all. Maybe I did deserve better. just Maybe. It seems like I've got every word you said memorized, and I can't forget about you as much as I want to. You and Breezy and Ben are the only people who can actually make me smile lately, I've been so depressed. I don't even know how to explain all of this to you, so I guess I'll leave you with one of those cliché lines: "And I, I don't want to speak these words 'cause I don't want to make things any worse. why does tonight have to end? why don't we hit restart and pause it at our favorite parts? We'll skip the goodbyes."