April 20th, 2005

(no subject)

Dear you,
there are a million and a half cliché lines I could give you about how much I love you and how much I miss you, but I don't think it would matter. You're working too hard and I really fucking don't even know how to get it through your head that you are. You're going to end up really sick from all of this...I thought it was supposed to be a part time job! I know your manager really needed you and I know the pay's better, but God am I worried about you. Breezy LIVES with you, and SHE misses you! It's just...Dev, I love you. I'm not there to make you take care of yourself, or at least yell at you to, and there's nothing I can do. I hate being so far away from you and Breezy. It fucking scares me how much I care about the two of you..You know about my nightmares, and it just terrifies me. What if something happens to either of you? I don't know what I'd do without you. ..I'm speechless at the very thought. Rest assured that I miss you. I miss you so much it hurts- The worst part is that I don't even know why. I've been suicidal lately...I get up and I wonder why. I wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up sometimes. The stupidest things remind me of you, and it brings the smallest of smiles to my lips, all the things we joke about. The rain reminds me of you mostly...
After Branden, I promised myself I'd never let anyone mean that much to me. Before I knew it, you were there. For some reason, you seemed to think that I didn't deserve what he did, that maybe I was a good person after all. Maybe I did deserve better. just Maybe. It seems like I've got every word you said memorized, and I can't forget about you as much as I want to. You and Breezy and Ben are the only people who can actually make me smile lately, I've been so depressed. I don't even know how to explain all of this to you, so I guess I'll leave you with one of those cliché lines: "And I, I don't want to speak these words 'cause I don't want to make things any worse. why does tonight have to end? why don't we hit restart and pause it at our favorite parts? We'll skip the goodbyes."
xox love,

ow, my heart

Dear true love,
Stop pretending you exist.

They tell me its called love
and they say its good and grand
they say music plays and bodies melt
from knees too weak to stand

The signs are like an illness
A sickening disease indeed
but authors and poets and fools refuse
to let the lie conceed

longing stares into eachothers eyes
and hands that move just enough
to reach one another and feel the skin quake
and the warmth of eachothers touch

and hearts that beat in undying praise
a tribute to words untold
and echos of fictional fairy tale fables
stolen from tales of old

but hands are meant for writing
and eyes are meant to see
and stories and poems are written for those
feelings never meant to be.

Dear Nikki,
Stop trying to write.
  • Current Mood
    crushed disconsolate
by me

(no subject)

Dear Tom,

  I really want you. I really need you. I really want to hold you in my arms. If I'm so damn pretty then why do you ignore me? The girl's your seen with aren't that great looking. I've tried everything to get your attention but all you do is act like you don't hear a word I'm saying. I talked to you once and when you smiled, I melted inside. Then I said something to you a second time(like 2 days later) and you either didn't hear me or didn't care to know that I liked your Nirvana shirt. I just want to tell you how much you mean to me....I know you don't know me and that you probably don't care to know me and you would probably think it was wierd if I told you that you mean the world to me but I don't care. I dream about you. There isn't a moment when I don't think about you. I've tried so hard to let go of this silly little crush but I can't. It hurts that you don't notice me. I just wish that you would.....


  • Current Mood
    aggravated aggravated

(no subject)

dear boy with bright blue eyes aka chaz,
thank you for the greatest night of my life. we will be together forever and it will be great. i never knew how much fun a carnival could be and going on the farris wheel getting my last first kiss, even though i had cotten candy in my mouth! lol it was fun though so tonight when i see you again and you save me again lets do it the same as before. i know i am in love you make me feel so alive! i have never felt so good! oh i love you so save me again a million more times and we will stay young forever together oooooo im just sooooo glad that you are actually mine! this is great

love love love
  • Current Mood
    ecstatic ecstatic

(no subject)

heyy yeah awkardness been just a week of not going out and im writing a stupid letter wow i suck well i just blah and confused...i talked to you today on the phone yeah you were mad drunk and saying ridiculous things to me like how tommorrow your gonna pick me up and kiss me forever? yeah you wont remember but i just want to have the feeling that you want to do that in the back of your head but hey its not true but i dont get you the most passionate and loving you would be to me is when your drunk can you please explain to me? please? cause i dont want to get stronger feelings unless i know what im getting into again
</3 Kate