April 6th, 2005

(no subject)

dear lost best friend,

to tell you the truth i miss you more then anything
but as each day goes on i miss you less
i have tried so hard to get over you but i dont think i did
i always wanted to go back to the summer when things were okay
before july 4th when it all happened
i fucked up again
when you told me you didnt want to be my friend becuase of that day
i told people and i shouldnt have
thats how i vent
and i need to learn that i should shut my mouth
i miss my brother i want him back
you were always there for me to me it felt like we were going out but not.
i told you my life my whole life every thought that i could remember every feeling
you were there for me when my world fell
you stopped me from hurtingg myself so many times
i always depended on you ALWAYS
and now your gone
and i have to live without you
if you ever wanted to be my friend again
i dont know what i would do
you so happy with her and how your life is right now
i wouldnt want to take it away
im so jealous of how pretty she is
and even tho i dont like you in that way
you were mine and i wanted that so bad
im starting to hate myself for that day
and i just felt so sad that week
and you just did it
i cant believe you
i love you so much
but i dont know what to do
i dont think we should be friends
but i want to so bad
what ever happened to summer
i dont want to seem obssesd but i dont know how to explain this all
i have told this story a million times to other people
but i havent told it to you
i know i changed and it was becuase i was jealous of her
i thought she would steal you and make you hers
and i changed to make it seem like i didnt care
i dont know what else to say besides
that i love you and that i am so sorrry for fucking up your life the way i did
if i could take back that one day i would
and i know that when july 4th comes around we will remember
and it will hurt even more then before
because im in this house
i have to live with what i did
i dont know what i was thinking
im so sorry and thats all i can say cept that sorry isnt enough

i will still always love you even tho we arent friends and probaly never will be.

love always,

the fuck up of your life

Not my work, got it from a friend

 When I die...

Let's see if I understand how America works lately . . .  If  a
woman burns her thighs on the hot coffee she was holding in her lap
while driving, she blames the restaurant.  If your teen-age son
kills himself, you blame the rock 'n' roll music or  musician he
liked.  If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung
cancer, your  family blames the tobacco company.  If your  daughter
gets pregnant by the football captain you blame the  school  for
poor sex education.  If your neighbor crashes into a tree  while
driving home drunk, you blame  the bartender.  If  your cousin gets
AIDS because the needle he used to shoot up with   heroin was dirty,
you blame the government for not providing clean ones.  If your
grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame  television.  If
your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you  blame the gun
manufacturer.  If a crazed person climbs  into the cockpit of an
airliner and tries to  kill the pilots at  35,000 feet and the
passengers kill him instead, the  mother of the  deceased blames the
airline.  I must have lived too long to  understand the world as it
is anymore.  So  if I die while my old,  wrinkled ass is parked in
front of this computer, I  want you to blame  Bill Gates, OK?

  • Current Music

(no subject)

Dear Mr. B,
Who the hell do you think you are insulting my intelligence? I can't sit where I want until I have an A average? Wow, that's fair! ;) not. That's so lame. Thanks for almost making me cry today, love you too. ;) Oh and BECKA WASNT TALKING TODAY IT WAS BRITTANY AND MATTEO SO GET A FUCKING LIFE ASSHOLE.


(no subject)

dear evan,
Why can't you see i love you!? why wont you just let me go? why wont you hold me forever? i told you i loved you because i ment it... you told me you loved me because you were bored... well atleat because of you ill never trust anyone again, so some good came of this... if thats even good
love never,

dear who ever wants to listen,
you know that feeling when you love someone but you still hate them and you wanna kill them but you still would die for them? thats how i feel.... i push him away cause i love him!

love always,
dear kids at school,
sorry you dont know every detail of my life sorry i dont want you to but dont judge me tomorrow by the way im acting today! i love you all but i need my space im sorry okay?
love always,
  • Current Music
    frankie j *obsession*
happy when sad

(no subject)

dear brittany,
so again i remember then time when i thought we were bestest friends. you were Brittany with dark red hair, freckles, and the birthday way before mine-jan 25 1988, that i wont ever forget it. i met you in second grade. when you moved where i was home. you moved from providence. to Myron J francis elementary school. we had miss. mortin. i wont ever forget that day. they day i met you! you drifted. ill always miss you. just as ill always miss my kara who i met in kindergarten. ill never forget that first day she came over when we walked home in the snow with my mom. we went home and hot hot chocolate and she had cool whip because she never ever did like fluff. anyways. you befriended holly. the girl i introduced you to. and then you met up with becky. and that was that. the end of our friendship.

and now a junior in high school and i still cant seem to keep a "best friend" for a while. i thought i did. i thought i had two. but it turned out "there was always somthing they hated about me"
britt? why do i want them back so badly? after how bad they've treated me? what cant i force these feelings away?
i miss you.
help me not need you like i think i need you
your beloved "cc"
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