April 3rd, 2005

Moi

Dear Family!

Dear Family,
Family is supposed to stay together. But My family doesn't like the way I am. I know they love me, but why doesn't it like me? Am I that ugly or am I just not that good enough to fit in your family photo? Why are they never happy with me? I don't nkow. It is hard to express my pain towards you. I just want to be appreciated with the way I am. Which never happens. Why do you willingly hurt my feelings? Why do I have to sacrifice my feelings? Why?
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    Tu Ishq Mera Hai Chahat Hai Meri
zeeeembah

(no subject)

Paul,

It is too bad that we are both so busy, because I really enjoy your company and I think you feel the same. Things are about to become hectic in both of our lives with school,work, and music; there is a bittersweet joy in all of these good things that are happening because they are taking away what little opportunity we have to see eachother. I don't mean to be bad for your self-control, but you are equaly bad for mine. I'm still having fun though, so come over so I can seduce you with champagne and ice cream again.

Nikki
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    beck-girl
me

(no subject)

Dear father,

don't get me wrong I lvoe you to death but just when I get up enough courage to ask you one question that I've wanted to ask for so long and I fianlly figure out a day when I'm going to ask my whole plan is ruined. You never elave her side any more.

I know she makes you happy and she is a great person but sometimes I miss the times were we used to just watch tv at home because neither of us had a life. And now it seems liek the only reason you two come home is so that I'm not staying at the house overnight by myself. Would you care that it hurts more to know that that is the only reason you came home?

Moments that should have been ours like orientation aren't. She's coming along now and yeah you asked me if she could come how could I say no? I like her as a person but sometimes. Sometimes I wish you knew this and I could explain all of this to you but I can't. I don't want you to resent me for being honest. It's just so hard. the reason I came over here originally wasn't because I wanted to stay out later it was because I wanted to be closer to the one person who might understand me but every week it seems like we get further and further from that point.

So the question remains why am I venting to a journal you will never read and have no real chance in happening upon. Because I love you as a father too much to actually tell you this and too much to keep resenting you for finding something that made you happy. I only hope that college will be my place to find happiness

love always, the silent daughter

(no subject)

dear..., I want you so much. every time I see you, I think that it would be great to be with you. together. allways. but I'll never say or do something to let you know it. because of your wife and your two little daughters. I really like them. and I feel like bitch every time I see them or talk with them.
I'm sorry, I just can't do anything to stop those thoughts rushing through my head each time you look at me or smile or talk to me.