April 1st, 2005

Are you afraid of being alone? Cause I am.. I'm lost without you..

Dear Mark,

 I miss you more than anything. But I can't tell you because I promised myself I wouldn't. If you only knew how much I want you back..

Love Always,



Dear Boyfriend,

           I'm a horrible person. You haven't figured that out yet, but you will. Hopefully soon. I don't want to hurt you, but that seems to be the way things are going. *sigh* I really am sorry.


        Your Girlfriend

Dear "Friends",

 Could you people try a little harder at the whole "friends" thing ? Cause right now you're all doing a really shitty job of it. I'm depressed. Can't you tell? Do I really hide it that well ?? Fuck.



  • Current Music
    "I'm Lost Without You" Blink 182

(no subject)

dear anyone,

you know when you're over someone.
and you say you're over them.
and you think you're over them.
and you act like you're over them.
and you even sometimes feel like you're over them.
but you dont know if you're over them.
and you dont ever really say that you are over them.
and you sometimes think you are,
but then you think that you're not over them.
and you act like you're over them,
but still remember that you're not.
and you dont really feel like you're over them.
and you wish that the memories would just disapear.
  • Current Music
    brand new "failure by design"

(no subject)

dear robert:
why did you have to ruin a perfectly good moment? why did you have to mention her again? the question was pretty simple.."who would you fuck?", and we were keeping it as "celebs only", but you said you'd fuck ody. and u told me not to ask why, and not try to figure it out. and earlier, i was talking to you about how i turned in my spanish homework, and i was proud of myself, cuz it was the first time i'd turned anything in to my spanish teacher, and you said "i dont care". must you make me feel bad most of the time? you made me think you cared if i did good in my classes, but you dont. u lied to me. u always lie to me. sometimes i wonder if you ever cared. i wonder why you call. i wonder why you wont forget me when i ask you to. i wonder why you say one thing one minute, and something totally opposite the next. i wonder if we'll ever be together. i wonder if you'll ever give me a chance. i know you asked me to date you one night, and i kept saying no, because you're not ready for a "relationship" yet. i know i gave up probably the ONLY chance i had to be with you, and im sorry. but, you said you'd ask me in person, and i was looking forward to it. i wouldve said yes. but you never asked, and im not yours. i wont be. not for a while. and it hurts. i think about you most of the time. im working on thinking about you less and less, until i forget about you emotionally. im gonna be just your friend, like you asked me to, but its gonna take me a while to get over you emotionally. please give me time. please forgive me if i kiss you. i know it bothers you. i know you give me permission to do it so i wont hurt myself, but i wont. im tired of hurting myself. im tired of pain. im tired of bleeding. im tired of trying not to kiss you. i cant help myself. i like you ALOT, and its only natural for me to want to kiss you.
i love you,

(no subject)

dear david glenn cyrus burke,
today made me miss a lot of things. i miss us being bffls. it's hard to believe that this year you're graduating and it feels like yesterday you gratiated 8th grade. it's also hard to believe that i've actually known you that long. i think that you were the first person ever that i loved. and i really think that i would be a totally different person if it wasn't for you. because i don't know how i would have gotten through most years of my life. you were the biggest part of my life for so long and it saddens me so much that we aren't as close anymore. but today thinking about all the old days was freaking amazing and i love you to death and always will. i wish we were closer to each other cause like 5 or 6 fucking years bro. i am in love with you forever. love casey.

(no subject)

I wish I knew what you wanted to hear. Infact - I wish there was something you wanted to hear from me. Just, anything would do. Anything that would make you want to talk to me, or enjoy talking to me. I just can't believe we've gone from so much to so little.

Everything was so awesome, and I just don't understand how we got here from where we were. Sure, it was hard at first, but we really seemed to get somewhere, when we were talking as friends, and things were going well. And I don't understand how we ended up like this. It's so stupid. I don't understand why or where everything went wrong.

I don't get why you'd quiz me about what had happened between me and Pete and then be mad at me for telling you. I don't understand. Bah.

There's so much I regret now. I wish I'd told you how good you made me feel about myself, especially about the way I look, because that was always something I had a hang up about, and wooahhh, you just. Heh. You were awesome about it - and that is something I will appreciate FOREVER. Because for a year and a bit, I was happy, truly truly happy, with myself. You made me feel so content. I really wish, that I still felt like that. Because as soon as you went, it went with you.

I wish I had a little more to show really. I'm so proud of what I had with you. I really am. And loike, I hate the fact I can't show it to people how awesome you were, because I was so deathly proud of the fact you were MINE. And that you were better than their boyfriend. And that I was happier than them. It's silly, but I have everything that you've ever sent to me. I have the envelopes from the letters, I have the deflated balloon stuck on my wall. I have the dried rose petals from my rose. I have the little tab off the box of chocolates. I have the piece of string off the necklace that died in the post. I have every e-mail saved off you. I have every note. But there's nothing that's always there, I dunno. I just. Mmyeah.

I really wish there was something I could say.

I love you.

Chin up.

Muffin. xx

(no subject)

Dear Alex,
I know you don't think that you did anything wrong,
but you ripped my heart out and trampled it like you didn't even care.
I tried to tell you that our friendship was fading, but you didn't listen to me crying, and you didn't care when I showed you my scars. I feel like our whole friendship was ruined because of you know who. But you watched as we drifted apart, and I couldn't stand it any longer. I'm not sorry for writing that poem, and submitting it anonomously to InkBlots. It's not right for you to be mad at me for that, I HAD TO GET MY FEELINGS OUT ON PAPER!!! AND IT HURTS THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN RESPECT THAT!! I just wish that you hadn't ditched me for that other person,I warned u about them, but you were only interested in being popular.

Our friendship will never be the same.
  • Current Music
    Ender - Finch

(no subject)

Dear Everyone,
If I stand here and bang my head against this wall, will you notice me then? Good because I'm setting you on fire as we speak.
Love, me.
P.S. Pay me some fucking attention.

Dear UIL,
I want to go to you.
Love, me.
  • Current Mood
    indifferent indifferent

(no subject)

I dont honestly know why you keep trying be my friend. You deliberately tried to ruin my relationship with Lane. Just because you got screwed over doesnt mean you have to make everyone elses lives miserable. So stop asking me what you can do to make it so I dont hate you. Actually, I dont hate you. I am not going to put that much effort into it. Your dead to me. You do not exist to me anymore.
Have a nice life
  • Current Music
    Singled Out - New Found Glory