March 30th, 2005

My first post....

I dont know what to say
I dont know what to think
I cant stop thinking of you
Though I know,
You and I will never be
Just watching you
takes my breath away
knowing your touch
is so far away
i know you dont know
how much you make me
but i must say
that some day
you'll know
and might push me
til then
I'll watch you
from afar
and just keep
that wishful
  • Current Music
Gun Sex

(no subject)

Dear you,

I'm tired of you. I'm tired of you bitching and whining. I'm tired of you worrying about your fucking looks. I'm tired of you looking at me like I'm crazy. I'm tired of you demanding things from me. I'm tired of you acting pitiful, of you playing dumb, of you trying to make me want to cry, of you just generally existing.

But above all I'm tired of you wanting me and thinking you can both eliminate my massive detest for you and get in my pants by doing dumb things like lighting my cigarette and hugging me and saying you love me. All of which only make me hate you more.

Here's where I'm going. I hate you. Fuck off and go hang yourself. I am giving up even being remotely nice or tolerant from here on out you're going to see the bad side of me.

Also never ever ever hug me again. No matter what. Regardless of how much you change or how sad I seem or how desperate for affection you are never ever touch me again. I will kill you.

Also, while I'm not a big fan of scandal and I mostly don't want to hear about other people's sex lives I am over joyed at this mess you've gotten yourself into. Granted I never wanted to have any of the visuals to go along with it but still.

To borrow an Elvis Costello line
"I wish that I didn't hate you least not as much as I do and squander all my contempt for a little nothing like you"

  • Current Mood
    bitchy bitchy
  • sesuna

(no subject)

dear cris,

what the fuck is wrong with you?

how DARE you say that you give a shit about shauntel. how. fucking. DARE you. the only fucking reason you ever go visit her is to get fucking LAID. it's not like she's your girlfriend or anything. she is carrying your unborn fucking child and you still don't give a shit about her. she needs your fucking help, she needs you to go out and get a goddamned motherfucking JOB so you can SUPPORT HER AND HER DAUGHTER. you treat her like the shit on your shoes and she still gives the baby your last name. she doesn't know what i know. that you cheat on her every time you're alone iwth a girl. don't give me that "i can't control myself" bull shit. not to mention that if you gave a damn about shauntel your first reaction to fucking a girl wouldn't be "DAMN, SHE'S MY FRIEND'S GIRLFRIEND, I HOPE HE DOESN'T FIND OUT AND HATE ME." i even tried obvious hints about her, like "well isn't there anything else that bothers you about that.... someone you know who would be hurt.." but your fucking dumber than dirt and your girlfriend doesn't occur to you.


and instead of getting a job, oh no, god forbid you WORK for something once in your life, you steal from your mother. you dropped out of fucking high school, left your house and only fucking return to steal from your mother. fuck the shitty living conditions you left your little sister in, and fuck everything else too. you always fucking manage to weasel your way out of everything and i'm tired of it. and you say you want to move. i ask you how you're getting the money for that, and it turns out one of your dumbass friends can get you money stolen off of people's credit cards, thousands of dollars.

i hope one day i find something you actually cherish besides yourself, so that i may rip it to fucking shreds and burn the remains, and ask you how it feels.

i don't even give a shit anymore about what you did to me or how you never give me the fucking money you owe me, or return any of my possessions for that matter.

just give shauntel the fucking royal treatment she deserves.
she's going through hell right now and she needs you, but you're too fucking egotistical to fucking see that.

i almost hate you as much as i hate my mother.

fucking die.
- ashley

(no subject)

dear boy i'll never forget,
boy i'll never understand completely,
boy i would be with forever.

i told you once, forever is never forever.
but you didnt listen.
you made the promises of forever.
wanting them to be true.
wishing them to be true.
but i told you once, forever is never forever.
you didnt listen.
you said "together forever is what we'll be"
forever together? you and me?
forever is never forever.
forever is what we dream about,
the thoughts we think in the last few seconds before unconciousness takes over.
sleep holds on tightly and takes us away.
away to the only place where forever exsists.
where promises are said.
where promises are meant.
where promises are kept.
where forever is always forever.
  • Current Music
    brand new "i believe you, but my tommy gun dont"