March 25th, 2005

(no subject)

Dear User

Why is that you only talk to me when you want sex out of me or when you are horny? do you not see that you make yourself look pathetic..and like you are using me? I've told you time and time agian how you make me feel yet you tell me you care about me and love me and would never use me for sex yet the only time you talk to me is when you are horny or when you want sex from me. I'm tired of you using the excuse that you care about me and how much fun you have when you are with me..i'm tired of the excause about how much you want to be with me but told me once before that you wanted to date me but you can't because you want to date me and not what..your white i'm black..big deal..we aren't in the 50's anymore i'm sure people don't care about what race date each other..I find it funny how you can FUCK me but you wont date me...

I'm tired of being your sex toy..

yours truely..
  • Current Music
    South FM-Killing me

(no subject)

Dear Spring Break,

I hate you..

Wanting it to end,

Dear Kevin,

How could you like her? She's one of my good friends.. not to mention, shes not pretty [I know, its a little harsh, but whatever].. Shes suicidal, and I know you HATE girls like that. Shes fat, loud, sometimes annoying, is INLOVE with a GAY guy, and ugh. I bet the only reason you like her is because she has big boobs.
I'm still here Kevin. I like you, you know that. I've liked you for 4 years.. I'm your freaking ex-girlfriend. You told me we'd be together again after we broke up, and I'm still waiting. I'm here. Right in front of you, why can't you like me? Why can't you flirt with me instead of her? Why do you flirt with her RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE? You just want to see me hurt. Well, you've done it.. You fucking broke my heart into two.

Still here,

Dear Kayla,

WHAT THE FUCK?!? What fucking goes through your mind? Seriously.. I'd like to know. When you tell me that you'll talk to Kevin about me, do you really? Or do you talk to Kevin about you? How could you like him? You KNOW how I feel about him. You're the one that tells me that me and him should be together.. then you go behind my back and tell Hannah that you want me to get over him? WTF! Not only that, but you FLIRT with him in front of me. Could you be any more dumber?
I can't look at you the same anymore. I can't.
I know that if Hannah and Jonathan [the gay kid she likes. Okay, hes not FULLY gay, hes bi] were to flirt infront of you, you'd cry. You would know how it feels, so why do you do it to me? Apparently, you don't care about me. Apparently, my friendship doesn't matter to you because you continue to do it.
I can't trust you anymore. Fuck you.


Dear heart,

Get over Kevin.. 4 years is way too long..

  • Current Music
    at the drive-in

(no subject)

dear cock knob

you are a cock knob, and need to be tied very tightly to an uncomfortable chair, and be poked hard and continuously until you actually form words.
that or jd will stab you in the face like she's threatening to
fuck you for making me miss you
  • Current Music
    im not okay-mcr

We're getting older. but we're acting younger.

dear next boyfriend.

do you think you can handle me?
im needy.
im clingy.
im dependent.
yet independent.
im jealous.
i need to feel like the center of your attention.
i need to feel like you would drop everything to see me.
i need to know you'll always be there when i need you.
i need you to always be honest.
even when it hurts.
i need you to love me.
i need you trust me no matter what.
i need you to laugh with me.
i need you to hold me when i cry.
i need you to always be up for fun.
i need you to love to play tag.
i need you to never doubt me.
i need you to never take my crap.
when i say something mean, dont ignore it.
stand up for yourself.
i need you to not keep things from me.
i need you to not be afraid to hurt me.
i dont mean in an abusive way.
i need you to be fun.
i need you to be open to new things.
i need you to be a little bit kinky.
but not dominatrix kinky.
i need you stand up for me.
i need you to play games with me.
i need you to hold me all the time.
no matter where we are.
or who we're with.
i need you to always say good bye.
i need you to not get mad when i beat you at video games.
i need you to need me as much as i need you.

the needy.
  • Current Music
    death cab "tiny vessels"

(no subject)

Dear Ex...

As I sit here talking with you now..I realize how much I really miss you and need you in my life. You have no idea how strong my feelings are for you still..and I can only hope that you will see how much we need each other in the near furture..I know some feelings for me are still there but we can not act on them because neither one of us have a car to be able to see each ..I hope one day we can be together again. Things were so much easier back then. I was happy for once in my life. I thought we would last a long well as you did. But thingd broke up apart. I want you to be my everything again. I want to be your everything again. I want you to see how perfect you are to me. Yes you have your flaws but thats what I love about you. I hope you realize one day that we belong together..and I can be your everything once again ..

your truely..
Needing you
  • Current Music
    Bleed the Sky - Minion

(no subject)

dear mom:

why cant you trust me?
why are you so over protective?
why cant you let me go out with him?
i dont need to be in a car with him
to do what you're afraid of me doing with him.
i cant stand the way you only let me
get in his car when you need a favor done.
i hate the way you use him.
i hate the way you talk shit about him
all the time.


dear Robert:
I hate the way you push me away.
I hate the way you flirt with me.
I hate when you play hard to get.
I hate when you tell me you dont care.
I hate when you come and kiss me
when im about to hurt myself.
I hate how the pity kisses you give
me are better than the ones i give
you out of love.
I hate loving you.
I wish you cared more.
I wish i was your girl.
I dont like being your little slut.
You make me feel so dirty at times,
yet in seconds, you make me feel
pure and clean, and cared for.
I hate crying myself to sleep every
night because im not your girl.
Im being as patient as i can be.
Im waiting for you to be ready.
I dont care how many people i have
Why did i fall for you so soon?
Why cant i just tell you that
I love you?
Why cant i talk to you for 5 minutes
without getting mad?
Why cant i just tell you these things?


(no subject)

I guess I'm posting here because I know no one else will see this.
Or so I hope. Notice I don't even feel safe calling you by your name because information leaks like crazy on the internet.
But you, you're amazing. You're funny, you're smart, you're absolutely adorable (and not just physically attractive). You make me feel confident. Even with my overweight body and saggy boobs.
I want you to want to date me. I don't think you'll ever like me that way. I don't think you'll ever truly like me after tonight.
But you sounded so sweet. Not that you were super romantic. You were just, yourself. Your cute self.
I don't want to know your ugly side.
I want you to bring out the best in me.
I want to date you.
So date me, please.

Or at least let's hang out again sometime.

<3 Maya
happy when sad

(no subject)

my lost friend
the one who you hate,
i need you to see this. you'll scroll right on past it but maybe you'll come to a stop and read.
not long before you signed off i wrote an entry it started out fine, then you came to my mind. you are always there. i always find my self thinking about you and her. and how i miss you both. how did i screw this up so much? the entry is private and full of my memories. you said i will stay in your memory. fine you can think that but your not the type of person not to forget me. i hope you dont forget me. thats what will hurt the most.
stop cutting yourself. your so beautiful. your ruining your lovely body. dont become her. shes just going to make life worse. you'll get arrested eventually with all of your shoplifting. remember how stupid we called him when he stole from the same place? how do you feel now? remember what we thought of him when he attempted? why did you let that relationship ruin us? why didnt you come to me when he first hit you? i could have helped if you had come sooner. bt you were mostly right. you broke it off and then called me that night in tears. i was so relived to hear your angelic voice.

i need you to come across the hallway from your locker. i need to to come to me again. but for me this time. not for you. come up to me and look into my eyes. look inside the emptiness i feel. dont you see the lonesomness youve left me in? hug me make it all better. lets start over. invite me to meet your "friends" to meet your best friend "brittie". we'll go somewhere quite. somewhere so talk somemore. tell me a story? tell me of her. tell me of the bitch you once knew? tell me how not to be like her.

i need you more than you'll ever be needed.
you've created my vestige soul once again.
you can't tell that its me.
even though im cold as always.
  • Current Mood
    cold cold