March 21st, 2005

Dark Place

(no subject)

Hey, you!

Stop copying me! I get that we have the same interests, but stop stealing everything that I feel identifies me, because I can only change so much about myself so I am still me without losing myself at the same time! Learn who YOU are, don't copy me! I feel crowded and I can't handle it!

Or you could just go buy the same car as I have, go to my school, choose my major, grow a few inches and take over my identity. Then I could just fade away and not have to worry about it.

Seriously, I am to a point where I like who I am, don't take that away from me.


  • Current Music
    "Learn To Be Lonely" from Phantom

(no subject)

dear chace and darius

i'm trying to make amends to those who i've that wrong?
why am i alienated?
i didn't mean to hurt you, but i had reason: to protect you
i'm just trying to do what's right...maybe you should do the same and find it in your heart to forgive me...please
i'm oh so sorry
don't let me have to fall on my knees to beg for your forgiveness, even i know i'm not that guilty for repentance of my wrongs...kiss the ground i walked on to get here to apologize, becasue what you're doing to me is far worse than how i've lied to you...and it was only that 1 time, for your safety...
you're not worth the bloodshed from my veins
the tears from my eyes
or the sweat upon my brow
but i will not give up until you give up your burden of hate and despise...
love me again
i'm just trying to make amends


...if its what he wants...and its what she wants...then why's there so much pain?...

Dear Daniel,

Fuck you!

I basically hate you at the moment

Then again it aint all your fault

I expected to much outta u

I expected tat we could have one afternoon as friends, mucking around and maybe having a lil “fun”

But that was obviously to much to ask wasn’t it?

You ran off after what? Ten minutes??

And I never saw you again for the whole afternoon

But now I see it was obvious you didn’t want to be there or at least be there with me

You never answered my calls or messages and in the end you just kept hanging up on me

I think the reason I got so cut at you is that I still (somewhere deep deep down) like you just a lil bit

I don’t want to but im afraid that I do

That’s why you treating me like shit today hurt so much

Why do you just think you can fuck around with my mind??

I want to be your friend

I don’t know why because you’re a stupid basturd I know that but the bottom line is I still want to be friends, good friends

But if you’re gunna treat me like shit is it worth it?

But im mostly annoyed that you put a scar on a day that I had been looking forward to for so long and actually apart from you was a good day

But now the only memories I seem to have of today seem to be of you and what you did.

Why? I just want to know why?

Love always

Love xoxo

Your friend

Kind regards


  • Current Music
    the middle~jimmy eat world

It's taking everything in me, Just to forget your sweater so far.

dear michael,

why did you have to lie to me?
that was just one more lie to add to the growing list.
i cant believe you went behind my back, and chose drugs over me.
thats why i didnt want you hanging out with them,
i knew you would start smoking because they did.
and you went behind my back for months.
i feel so stupid.
i wanted to slap you, but instead i just walked away.
i left you staring at my back, one last hug, one last look.
and that was it.
fuck you.
go do your fucking drugs because all your new friends do.
just, keep my heart somewhere drugs wont go.
  • Current Music
    selby tigers "cheerleading is big buisness"

(no subject)

You always asked me to tell you a story. Have you ever heard the one about the time you saved my life?
When the phone rang I was cold and alone. When I held it to my wrist it was you on the other side.
When I asked you what you wanted most in life, I didn't think the answer would be me.
When you struggled to find the words to tell me, I was already breathing my love for you.
Maybe it's my naivety talking, but when you said I'd never be alone again, that was when I knew I'd never "loose" you.
I love you.

(no subject)

To you, whom I admire (adam),

I feel a real closeness with us, yet I chose not to let you know; afraid of what could happen to our friendship and our relationship with each other. I’ve felt this way for sometime now, but I’ve tried to fight it. The battle has finally ended and I have lost. How do I tell you that I wish for us to be more than friends? I didn’t mean for it to happen but it did. I know not whether to apologize or say nothing, as I have done for the fast few months, now. I await your reply as soon as you return. If you feel unsure, think about it. If the feeling is neutral, tell me. If you don’t feel the same, I understand, just don’t stop being my friend, because I rather have you as a friend instead of not having you in my life at all.

-Your admirer nearby and a far (shan)

(no subject)

Dear Fate,
i'm sorry i want things so badly sometimes, and that i think about them constantly. and then when i finally get them, i dont appreciate them at all.
i.e. happiness, friends, boys occasionally.

Dear Friend,
i'm sorry i got attached when there was really never anything there.
thanks for the memories.

(no subject)


Every day, I try to change my ways,
Still I find I’m calling your name,
Try to start myself, right from the very start,
But to be in love has torn me apart,

I made it clear, I want you near,
A constant fear, that you might leave me standing here,
Can’t help myself, from this torturing inside,
Possessed by love, is the pain I cannot hide,

Feelings, reach out and hold me,
Hold me close by your side,

So you see, you’ve become a part of me,
A part that helps me to live and breath,
Now your gone, I need you more and more each day,
A selfish need that won’t go away,

You took my life and the love I stored,
You took it all and left me nothing but wanting more,
Can’t help myself, from this torturing inside,
Possessed by love, is the pain I cannot hide,

Feelings, reach out and hold me,
Hold me close by your side,
Feelings, reach out and hold me,
Hold me close by your side,

Now I realize, the meaning of good-byes.
  • Current Music
    Angel - Feelings

(no subject)

Dear Walt,

Fuck you.

You make me feel like shit. You play with my emotions and I'm tired of it. You go from girl to girl.. and I don't want to be caught in it anymore. What I did last night, I totally regret. I shouldn't of done it.

I can't believe you.

Not your toy anymore,
  • Current Music
    "one armed scissor" at the drive-in

(no subject)

dear boy,

i think you are very cute.
i think i kind of like you.
i wish you'd like me.
i wish you'd talk to me.
i like your hair.
i like the way you carry yourself.
i wish you could be mine.
i wish you knew me.
i wish you were more than just the boy i see in the hallways everyday.
i wish you didn't like her.
i think i'm just as good.
i could be yours.