March 5th, 2005

(no subject)

Dear self,

I dont know what you are thinking. You're fucking screwed up and you know it. You know why you dont care about anyone or anything. But you wont say it. You know why you want to cry all the time. And you know why your days are so bad. But you won't say it. You wont admit it. You're letting him win. You're letting him break your heart over and over again. You want to talk to him and have him again but you know you wont and that kills you. You've thought about suicide. but you're too cowardly to do it. You've thought about everything to make it go away. Make him go away. But you dont want him to go away because its easier to hold on than to let go. Even if you are holding on to nothing. You're a fucking idiot for everything youve done. I hate you.

(no subject)

dear me,
what the hell is your problem? why are you so fucking pariniod? just calm down your overreacting bitch! everything will be fine. you have so many problem dont you huh! you think everything is fucking wrong with you and everyone hates you well guess what....your fucking lying to yourself...yeh you you are a fucking liar a fucking parinod overreacting asshole!!! just fucking chill god...brathe 2 you cant do that its bad to hold it in youll kill yourself make your self sick. it will be fine dont woryy and get over it!!!

(no subject)

Dear Ted,
I wrote you so many letters, and you shrugged them off. You carried them in your pockets, but only to rub them in my face. And now I'm hearing that you spread rumors about us. Saying we're together, when we're not.

If that was something that interested you, you could have let me know. I thought I made it pretty clear to you that I still love you. You treated me like crap at Cory's party, but then you bragged about it and played it off like we were going out again. It makes me sick. Am I just a trophy to you now? I used to love you because you weren't that kind of guy. Now, I don't know why I love you. You used to adore me. You used to walk me to my classes and send me flowers. What happened to that? I guess I'm trash to you now.

I actually thought you liked me again. February 26th was an anniversary, and I could tell you noticed. You kept staring at me like you did back in the glory days. I actually thought we were getting back together.

So thanks, just so much, for making me feel like the stupidest piece of shit on the planet. Thank you so much for making me hate loving you.