February 23rd, 2005

dying

FUCK

Dear me,

Why are you like this? Why do you have to be this way? Why do you have to see everythign so differently? Why do you want to quit everything you've ever loved? You're so self destructive, you know what you are doing to yourself, and you know it has to stop. So why can't it? Stop this before it goes any further. You are both going to end up hurt. The longer you go through this the worse things will get. You are going crazy. You are starting to identify with people you shouldn't be identifying with. You are going to need help very soon, but you are too fucking stubborn and too damn proud to ever get it. Besides, he is going to Oxford, you are going to Erie Community College. Good luck with *that*. It's going to be the death of you. Eat. Sleep. Break up with him. And leave him alone. He's just a stupid fucking boy. He and half the world's population.

You hate him.

Dear me,

I know. I know I have to stop, I know I have to leave him and all this behind, I know. I know I am going crazy. I know I am trapping myself forever. I know I am ruining us. But he is my best friend. He never did anything wrong. I'm just being dumb. I just expect way too much. He wants to get married. He has been my best friend for years. Then we dated for years. It should be perfect. Who can you honestly say does not want to marry their best friend? How could I say no? He is the *perfect* boyfriend. You can't live in the past. He'd never do a thing to hurt you ever again. How could I throw away years and years of everythign we have been through. I couldn';t be closer with anyone. How could I ever find someone else like him? Do you even want to? Would you even want to put yourself through all that again, to become so close to someone? How will anyone else *ever* compare to him ever again? How can I just give that all up???

I love him.

_Nikki_
looking down

(no subject)

Dear My Room,
Why do you smell so bad? I clean you sometimes. Is it the laundry? I just washed it a week ago. Is it the dishes? There aren't that many! Please tell me what it could be, I think people are starting to talk.

Love, Me
  • Current Music
    avenged sevenfold- remenissions