February 21st, 2005


(no subject)

hello. my name's tina. i'm new. i wrote this. i guess its kinda a cross between a letter & a poem

dear dan,
hello there. i don't know if you remember me. you probably do. i mean, you still look at me in the halls and beep at me when you see me walking on the side of the road. "need a ride?" you ask, like nothings happened to us. "no....okay.....i'll talk to you later!" speed away. no one wants you here. why did you tell me that you liked me, and then tell her that she was beautiful? why did you lead me on, then tell me that you were still in love? why did you tell me that she wasn't your girlfriend anymore, when she still is. i'm still sitting here waiting for answers because i thought you were different, and i would love to give you another chance, just to even talk to me again without you having to worry about who sees. but you're just like all the other liars that i've been attracted to. i guess guys with cars are still no different. i'm so sick of being heartbroken & stepped on. you said you understood that. but you honestly didn't. i'm so happy you're with your "phsycotic ex-girlfriend"... remember, that's what you called her. i hope you have fun with her, because even though i'm still desprite for your answers, i've cried & cared enough for you, & i hope you choke on your own words next time you tell her how much you love her.

kisses, darling,
  • Current Music
    taking back sunday

(no subject)

Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now

Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
But I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

And all the roads that lead you there were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me

  • Current Music

(no subject)

as of right now i am not caring anymore.
i have learned not to give a damn about;

1. you having a chick best friend.
2. you telling another girl your problems.
3. you two getting back as best friends.
4. you two having a family-love relationship. she IS your cousin.

i mean sure, it's going to bother me for a while. but i just dont care anymore. i'm not going to give a damn anymore, and if i do im not going to say it to anyone but here. i'm not really going to care anymore. i'm done with feeling left out. and i'm done with feeling like i have to fight for your attention. i'm your girlfriend. you fucking NEED to give me attention. sorry to sound concieted but you do. plus she lives in colordao. and you're here with me in Arizona. it's going to be hard for me to accept that she's your best friend, and you love her, but sister-brother. and that you go to her as well to let off steam. but if i want to keep you i have to accept that. and i'm going to learn to. because i love you and want you in my life. i will learn to not care anymore, becuase i need you.

i'm learning. slowly.
  • Current Mood
    depressed depressed

(no subject)

Dear Mr. Schaubert,
I love you!! You don't know how long I've been wanting to play the bassoon! You just completely made my day! I'm getting tired of playing the clarinet after 5 years almost. I want to stand out in the crowd like the bari sax lol. I just want to be noticed more for my musical talent & not for 'wow you play so much better than us' in marching band because the retards in the clarinet section don't play. That's so aggravating, marching band people piss me off. Most of them don't even really know what band is about, considering they are black girls in davie county, not trying to be stereotypical, but they're bitches & they have about as much sense as a brick. Everyone of them. I love all the glory they give me, but I'm tired of them relying on me getting the part right, being a clarinet, I cannot stand out in a crowd with more brass players than anything, they're just naturally louder than a clarinet. If only I was Drum Major!!! I think I could set them straight! lol Well anyways, Schaubert I appreciate you being my band director, you are very worthy.
Jennifer Smith, informally known as Laina♥

  • Current Music
    If You Leave Destiny's Child


dear boy,

you are wonderful. i love everything about you. your blue eyes, black hair. your mysterious personality. your perfect smile. your oh-so-muscular bod. your voice that whispers in my ear. your soft touch that gives me chills down my spine. too bad i havent found you yet.

where ever you are. i <3 you. and im still waiting.

[[yours </3 truely]]
  • Current Music
    eric clapton-wonderful tonight
Gun Sex

(no subject)

"sometimes you confuse me with santa claus it's the big white beard I suppose."
~"God's Comis" Elvis Costello

Dear God,

I know I'm a fuck up. I also know that you aren't the God Pat Robertson talks about. You're a lot fucking cooler than that. I haven't talked to you in a long time so I thought I would. First I thought about lodging lots of complaints but I decided people do too much of that. Then I thought about just telling you how amazing things are, despite the nukes and the rapists and the sadness and the orphans and all, things are amazing becuase I exist, because little small helpless things like mice exist. But I could never really do justice to it and I know you know that existance is a master work and that I don't understand half of it. I thought about chewing the fat but these conversations are always so one sides. So I've decided to give you a list of requests. At first I thought this was kindo f selfish, then I realized, well fuck your God ya know? You are infinite and all powerful and all knowing and what not so me making a few demands isn't going to be any big deal. In fact if nothing else, it will give oyu something to do. Even thought you have to do everything you're entirely capable of doing everything so you probably get bored anyway. None of these are going to be anything big or massive that concerns the world because I have no right to make requests for the entire planet, I mean maybe they don't want world peace.

Dear God-
Make me skinny
Make me pretty
I want a date to prom
I want my kitty to live for a long time
Get me some acting jobs
Give me money for designer clothes
Make me happy
Give me pills
Make sure that Alex, Preston, Matt, My mum, etc. get what's coming to them
Give Katie everything she wants and make her happy and keep her safe and bring her back to me
Give me enough money to support my smoking habit
Give me money for cool make up
Let me pass my permit test
Make my mom stop being a whore
Let me find a perfect prom dress and even better shoes
Help Dad with the taxes
Don't let me fail for not having my ecology project done tomorrow
Help me find all the things I've lost
Give me lots and lots of inspiration to be wonderfully creative
Keep Anna and Cat and Alice happy and whatnot
Don't let me get some awful infection from cutting myself

That's about all I can think of really. Nothing else. That's not such a massive list is it? No not for someone who's omnipotent and omnicient and all those other moni- adjectives I can't think of.
Things aren't all that great, but in the end the world is going fine. Nice job. Congratulations. Mozel tov. Etc.
Just one of your little creations,
  • Current Music
    Roseanne on T.V.
  • padlock

(no subject)

Dear, Who-ever-stole-my-necklace

That necklace means the entire world to me, and I feel so lost without it around my neck. I take it off for a split second and you took it.. whoever you are, I will rip out your insides and light them on fire.

I hate you, and give me back my necklace.