February 20th, 2005

(no subject)

dear chris,
i know we are just beginning to become good friends but i have the biggest crush on you when i see you i just all of a sudden smile when you talk to me and then turn around i start jumping up and down today when we went skating i loved being with you. when eever you would come up behind me and scare me i would always see you but i would pretend like you scared me just so you would keep doing it. your such a nice boy and you have the nicest smile i have ever seen.when we were on the ice together i felt like no one else was around i know it sounds cheesy but its true i was in heaven. the only thing is i dont know how you feel about me your so shy and i cant tell what your thinking. you've been on my mind all night. id love to hang out with you again <3

love me

Excuse me while i fall apart, dont flatter yourself, SWEETHEART. ;)

Well this is it. I cant believe..
i let you do this to me, for SO FUCKING LONG.

Do you honestly understand that????
Did you honeslty give at least TWO pieces of shit about me?
I didnt think so.

This is the new me, maybe its the old me that you've made me hide away for almost 6 months.
im not letting you step all over me anymore. My heart, my confidence whatever it may be.
ITS DONE. IM through.

I know ive said this, countless times.
But its just not the fact that im getting tired of you hurting all the time..
its just, i got bored. Nothings happened in the whole 6 months that you LEAD me to believe was going to happen.

&i guess your stupid ass ISNT worth waiting for.

&Hey... maybe i did fall in love with you.  WHO THE FUCK KNOWS?
But all i know is that its something, you, missed out on.
Not my fault,
trust me "Mot", I TRIED.
I did my over analyzing. maybe more then you did yours,
Ive had my painful realizations
&ive used every bone in my body to get your attention.
&what i still dont understand how long it took me to realize its just not worth it anymore.

My heart is broken,
&thrown on the floor.
You may step on it a little more if youd like, i mean it honestly cant get any worse.

I need to stop thinking about you.
You need to get out of my head.
Who knows if you'll be back? Probably not.
But if you do....

I'll try &be kind, when i ask you to leave.

Yoursunshine,Your Destiny, Your Juliet. Whatever, i cant think of anymore.

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Gun Sex

(no subject)

Dear Kat,

I know you're down. That's totally understandable. I also know you don't know why you're so miserable. Well I'll tell you right now, you're eyebrows need to be plucked, you're way too fat, you eat too much, you don't exercise enough, etc. etc. etc. and I can't do anything about it. I can sit and yell at you endlessly about how wretched you are but I can't make you do anything. You have to take that up yourself. I know you're a feminist, or a riot grrrl, or a nonconformist or whatever but that doesn't mean you have to be ugly. So suck it up shave your legs, do some crunches, drink water, pass up some meals, pluck your eyes brows, and stop moping. If you were beautiful then someone other than your Katie Baby would love you. If you were beautiful you'd like yourself, and he'd want you, and life would be easier, and things would be great. I promise. Besides no one takes you seriously, not one listens. If you're pretty then they'll notice you. If you're pretty people would hear what you had to say. People would listen to you and catch on. You'd be better at getting people to listen, and getting things done. Also stop being so disgusting. Clean god damn it. Clean until you can't clean anymore. If nothing else it will burn calories, and keep your mother quiet for a while.

But back to my point, you know why you're going to prom alone? I'll tell you. Because you are fat and ugly. It's a plain and simple fact. No one cares how brilliant you are, how many great ideas you have, how much you can do, how great you are, no one cares about that if you're ugly. So do something about it. That's an order.

Remember I love you to the bones,
The evil anorexic Kat
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(no subject)

dear eric,
i really wish i could tell you how i feel. and all i want is to call you. that night at 7 11 i realized something, i like you. when we were alone in the car i realized that i feel more comfortable around you than i do connor. and i feel something stronger towards you than i do connor. i really wish i wasnt afraid to call you. i like talking to you and i like that you make me laugh and fuck! i hate this... i hate that i can never have what i want. i will never be able to tell you what i really want you to know.

~someone who you will never know exists

(no subject)

you know, this honestly is bullshit.
if i want to be with you, i basically have to be with her too. she's mad at you for not trying to talk within the past 5 months. she thinks you've been ignoring her. truth is you lost her number and have been busy. but i dont get why i feel something like this. it's not jealousy, and it's not hatred or dislike twards her. i dont know. i honestly just am guessing that having you confide not ONLY just in me kinda, hurts? or maybe i feel like getting back together will result in you losing me. you leaving me out again and me over here feeling... neglected. why didnt we ever play the secret game? why dont i know the things she does? i dont feel like you confide in me like you say you do. i never played a silly little game where we told eachother the most embarassing things ever and laughed about it. infact i've never told you a secret. i've never told you anything like that, and you havent either. i just want to be close brian,i not only want to be your girlfriend but your best friend too. and i dont feel like i am. i want it to be the three of us, all together and okay. the three amigos. but i cant have that. when i lose you, what else is left?