February 16th, 2005

(no subject)

Dear Ex,
I cried over you again last night. I promised myself I wouldn't. But, I did. I told myself I put you in the past. But someone can't literally box up their feelings and throw them in a closet the way I did with everything that reminded me of you. I don't think you understand how I feel, I don't think you ever will. I didn't mean to fall in love. It just happened. I didn't ask for it. And I didn't ask for the broken heart I got in return. I really wish you hadn't told me you were in love with me. Maybe it wouldn't hurt so much, you breaking up with me like you did. Your reasons were...stupid. That's all I can say about them. Because they were. My habbits that you claim annoyed you. They aren't habbits. I'm sorry you felt that I hung out with boys alone too often, but the majority of my friends are boys. What really gets to me though is that out of all the things you said were wrong, you didn't try to talk to me about a single one of them before breaking my heart. You left me here with so many questions, and no one to answer them. I shouldn't have tried to talk to you about it. Because the answer I got made me feel worse than I had. "I'm deffinitely over you." Those words were like a stab in the heart, and you just walked away with the knife still in me, thinking I would survive. I want everything I ever gave to you back. Those moments spent holding hands. Those kisses I gave you, whenever I felt like it. Those million thank yous I gave you, the day you brought me daisies. The secrets I told you when I confided in you not only as a boyfriend, but as a best friend. And, every last piece of my broken heart. You still have it. Maybe you always will. I don't want to sit her thinking you were the one and I blew it. I don't want to wonder what would have happened if I had picked up the phone the night before and talked to you. I don't want to always have to settle for almost happy. I should be able to be truly happy, just once more. If not with you then with someone else. Someone who is as good, if not better than you. It's hard to believe that someone who gets mad so little that it seems almost impossible, could break my heart as much as you did. But you found a way. As I'm sitting here pretending I've moved on, you're off kissing those older girls. Going to dances, and having fun. I talk to you now and things seem fine. But then, that's what I want you to think. So I guess all it means is, my plan is working. I can't decide if I wish I never had a relationship with you, or if I wish you never broke up with me. I guess I'm just writing this to say, it's been over a month, and I'm still completely in love with you. But, I wish I wasn't.

Yours once upon a time,
  • Current Music
    I don't wanna miss a thing - Aerosmith

(no subject)

Dear T.V,

You know why I hate you?
Because you show music videos
of people I'm jealous of because
they are beautiful.


Dear Teen Magazine,

I wanted to thank you
for lowering my self esteem
everytime I open you. The words
mean nothing, it's the pictures
of people I wish I looked like
that kill me.


Dear Mother,

Thank you for making me
realize "I'm obsessed with what I eat"
It makes me never want to eat again.


Three letters.

Dearest Father,

Fuck you. Fuck you and your warped, screwed up thoughts of what being a father actually entails. You stupid dick. Who travels 1,000kms in the middle of summer to the exact place their daughter lives (for whatever reasons, you haven't actually talked to me in three months so I wouldn't know), and somehow forgets to come in and say hi? Or maybe even mention the fact you were here? I haven't seen you in five months and you didn't even think to drop in and have a coffee?

You dick.

Thanks for making me feel like I was worth the dirt on your shoes.

All my non-existant love for you,

(P.s: I'm not your fucking daughter. Stay the fuck away from me.)


To my brother,

Stop being so un-characteristically nice to me. You're making me really fucking paranoid about the next shitty thing you're planning to screw me over with.

From Sharna.


Dear Tess.

Get out of my head. Please.
I don't love you, so stop being the only thing I can think about while I'm kissing my girlfriend. It's fucking me up. Thanks.

  • Current Mood
    guilty paranoid

(no subject)

dear boy;

im so incredibly sick of crying over you,
it's insane. not to mention completely unfair.

i wish, that you would just get the fuck out of my head.
you're not welcome there.
&you don't belong.
because, for one thing, you actually made me happy.
&no, we can't have that.

i hope you have fun with your friends &your drugs.
becuase everybody knows they're so much more important &entertaining than i.
&im not being sarcastic.
they are.

but the thing that bothers me, is you had

intention of letting me know.
you were just gonna let me wait allll day long
for you to show up or answer your fucking phone.

&if it weren't for you're friend i'd still be waiting&calling.

&then my friend.
she's just as bad as you.
all of a sudden her mom's being "gay"
but how much do you wanna bet that later
tonight she's gonna be chillin' with Chandler&Nikole.

all anybody can say is i like your hair.

great, guys.

i fucking love you too.

now i get to go have myself a goodtime.
with nothing more than my
new cds &a lighter.

well maybe more than a lighter.
but hey, i'll leave that part up to your imagination.

  • Current Music
    my computer hates me too.

(no subject)

Dear family!

Stop worrying about me. You make me feel like i´m crazy.
Please, shut up! i haven+t talken about my problems in 17 years, i don´t want to start it now. You didn´t care about me, and it was ok. now it makes me sick how much you try to "help" me, i don´t need your help!
Leave me alone for a while, let me get experiences, thankyou.
  • Current Music
    the used: buried myself alive

(no subject)

Dear the 5 males i have liked in the last 5 years.

Do you enjoy messing with my head? Do you enjoy sexually teasing me, then mentally destroying me? Why couldn't just one of you give me a straight fucking answer!? Is it a game? Let's see who can hurt Alex the most? cause Mat i think you won. Alex you're just too moral, if only you were two years younger. Tom-ure a fuckass, i still dont get you. Jason-it's not your fault, it was mine, i can't believe how i was in Wales, i wonder how different it would have all been if i'd have reacted better. Anthony-i dont know you enough, and i still like you, i'd like to think something could happen but to put any hope on you right now seems irrational.

The most annoying thing also. The thing that fucks me right off. Is that I still like everyone of you, and i'm friends with you all. Through all that hurt, and all that false hope and the god damn retardness of it all, i forgave you all and act as though nothing happened. i guess i have no one but myself to blame

damn it all
  • Current Music
    taking back sunday
Gun Sex

(no subject)

Dear you,

You make me absolutely sick. You are the most worthless human being on the face of the earth. I realize that that is a very extreme statement and I don't make it lightly. Just for the sake of everyone else reading this (you tell everyone everything I do and say and everything about me so now I'm sinking to your level plus God knows you adore the publicity.) and for your own sake since you aren't really playing with a full deck. Every horrible, wretched, stupid, blasted awful, dashed boring, and entirely knuckle headed thing about you. Remember I've known you less than six months and I already know that:
* Your jeans cost enough to feed a starving child for at least three months.
* They don't even look good.
* They don't even fit.
* No matter how self absorbed and deluded you are know that no one on earth wants to see that much of you.
* You wear awful tacky jackets.
* You pay too much for them.
* Your shirts are too tight.
* You listen to shitty music.
* You spend too much time on your hair.
* You talk too much.
* You say vapid uninteresting things.
* Or you say entirely stupid things.
* Or you say self absorbed ego centric frighfully dull things.
* You are very very slow on the up take.
* You love yourself way too much, and you don't deserve it.
* You eat horrible junk food.
* You use people. It's ok if you do it to me, I deserve it. Hannah doesn't.
* You hang around dashed lifeless people.
* You are a liar.
* You lie to make people feel better which makes you the worst kind of liar.
* You lie and pretend your sorry so you won't get decked, which makes you a coward and a liar.
* You pretend you care and you offer fake sympathy that just makes people hate you more.
* You expect everyone to do everything for you.
* You whine for no good reason.
* You patronize people.
* You gossip like a fucking house wife.
* You cheat.
* You date people who are nearly as disgusting as you and then you make me hang around with them.
* You put on this big act that you're some wonderful lovely person.
* Then you let people down and make them cry.
* And then you expect them to adore you just the same when they realize what a bastard you are.
* You don't even realize your a fucking bastard.
* You are so ego centric and self absorbed and childish and stupid it's really sad.
* You're lazy.
* You ask me for money
* To take some other chick out
* When you know you have tons more mad cash than I do
* When I tell you no you steal it anyway
* You don't even deny it.
* You're self righteous.
* You're ignorant.
* You're just dreadfully frightfully boring and awful.
* You don't even listen to anyone else.
* You wear the same underware three days in a row.

I really can't stand you. I keep expecting you to say "Well let them eat cake." You are so idiotic and sheltered and out of touch with reality. One of these days you are going to get out in the real world, and someone is going to give you a harsh serious lesson in why you shouldn't act like a total dick all the time, and it's probably going to involve blood. Honestly though, I'm glad that you used me and dropped me and I fell out of the little imaginary world that you've built. I realized what a fucker you are. And I thank you for that. The only thing is that in the back of my mind I feel bad for you. This is such a wasted life for you. Not to get to spiritual but all this shit is going to come back and kick you in the ass later on, then maybe you'll learn something.
With all due respect (and that's not a lot),

P.S. My Katie Baby is going to kick your ass. They say hell hath no furry like a woman scorned. But believe me hell's got nothing on a woman who's best friend has been scorned. I'm not big on violence but I want to see a skinny white chick like me deck you one.
  • Current Music
    "Hey You" No Doubt
by flavuh

(no subject)

dear stevie.
you hurt me so much last night; i know we have been broken up for a while but we both know that the feelings are still there. how could you say those things to me and expect it not to hurt? all i do is try to be your friend for some reason i don't even know why right now. seriously right now i feel like punching a wall. you know what i did after we got off the phone; sat in my van and cried with my best friend cheryl... thats what i did; happy now!? i cried.. i damn well cried over you and its been a while. i even god damn cried myself to sleep. I LOVE YOU and i always will; nothing will change that. now please stop hurting me; i can't take it anymore.. your pushing me over the edge and stabbing my heart at least 140000 million times.. just please just be my friend and stop this. i never did anything to deserve this and you know that... i know you do.
<3 Kash